LONNNGGGGGGG "woe is me" MUCH NEEDED rant...

Where do I start? You all have been very kind to me and have given me some amazing advice. I am a wreck. I am my own worst enemy. I have been battling a stall for about 3 or 4 months, playing with the same 3 or 4 pounds. I admit I am in a rut, in a depression. Forgive me in advance for chewing off your proverbial ears! I am on anti-depressants, but I'm on them to treat a panic disorder. I can't afford psychotherapy because my ins sux and I can't afford the copays. My husband and I BOTH have MS. Between taking care of him, and TRYING to take care of myself, and work 40 hours a week, I'm drained on so many levels. I hate my job. I've been stuck there for going on 14 years. I have tried to find a new job for as long as I can remember, and there's NOTHING out there. I really want to be a vet tech. The only school in my area that has it, is a 2 year program, but it's full time days, Mon-Fri. Well, since I have to work, that ends that. So, on top of everything else, I'll never be able to live my dream. The online schools are a total rip-off, and I cannot afford them, they don't offer aid, and I cannot get a loan.....Already trying to pay off some major debt. I wake up every day to sit in a box and answer phones that barely ring, and watch the paint peel off of the walls. I'm not allowed to read a book, a newspaper, or listen to a radio. I'm not allowed to go online. So, I basically wake up everyday with no purpose or meaning. The reason this is all SO VERY important, is because it's contributing to me eating out of boredom and depression. If I'm aware of this, why can't I stop?? I obviously have no control over anything else in my life, and just wake up daily to 'go through the motions" of life. This is the one thing that I want so badly to have control over! It felt so good before the honeymoon period ended. I felt so damn proud. Now, I'm a mess. I WANT to exercise, I WANT to make better food choices, I just don't know how to get my mind back into that place. My motivation is GONE.

Have you ever thought of writing a book?  (You didn't mention not writing in your list of "can't dos) Journaling your food?  Pacing the floor and counting your steps? (Are you able to walk?)  Looking for one positive thing each day and writing it down?  (Focus on what you can do rather than what you can't.  With MS the things you can do certainly fall into the positive things list)  How you think, so shall you eat.  YOU CAN DO THIS

I wish you well

I can't believe I left off one of my very favorite things to do:  Pick a short phrase and see how many words you can make from the letters in the phrase

My list of "can't do's"?? Please tell me you weren't mocking me after I've come here and poured out my heart. I feel that I am a VERY positive person. I take care of myself AND another person who's sick, and still manage to work full time. If I weren't positive, I'd have ended it all a long time ago.