Tuesday, October 22, 2024

Weight 119.6. It is so dark in the mornings here. It always takes me a while to get used to that. But weird to be sitting in the dar****il 7:30 am (up north it would get light 1/2 hour earlier). As the season goes on the discrepancy moves to an hour. But there is more than that in extra light at the end of the day so I guess that makes up for it.

Adrenaline or Dopamine seeker? Hmmm... probably the latter. I am definitely a sun seeker LOL.

DS got his glasses replaced yesterday and I did a bunch of errands while DH golfed. Today is likely a beach day while DS works. He has meetings all day. We are going back to the Beach Club for dinner tonight.

DD and her DH are likely not coming for Veterans weekend after all. The fares are jacked way up - at least double to almost triple the normal cost this time of year. Even though I have tons of points after charging most of the wedding, I still don't have enough for 2 round-trips. Kind of disappointing.

Trying to figure out Christmas - I would like to stay in a hotel in my former town on 12/24 and 12/25 to make it easier to go to DS' birthmother's on Christmas Eve and to my SIL's on Christmas. But we have the dog to consider. We might leave him in Florida with a friend or might send him to his caretakers on the Cape if she takes dogs over the holiday. Lots up in the air. Comes with change I guess.

Have a thoughtful Tuesday!

I just booked a hotel room for Christmas - they take dogs!

Liz, I'm glad Justice gets to enjoy the holidays with you. So easy to travel with a little dog in tow. My 50 pound plus size dogs make it a little trickier! LOL!

Oh, DD! You thought provoker, you!!!! You really got me thinking about adrenaline seeking vs. dopamine or serotonin. I think I have a bit of an adrenaline seeking tendency. I love roller coasters, and the feeling of "flying". I can see myself parachuting or parasailing, even extreme zip lining, but never ever bungie jumping. But I think I have an extremely strong proclivity towards dopamine seeking behaviors. I sought comfort food at a very young age, and by my teen years I was a closet eater, smoking pot, cigarettes and trying a few harder recreational substances... I didn't start with alcohol until well into my 20s. Probably a very good thing since I consider myself an alcoholic! I have always loved substances that change my mood and make me feel "good". Back in the late 70s and early 80s I loved the way Dexatrim used to make me feel - very zippy and tingly and really helped curb the appetite. I remember I was kind of sad when it was deemed unsafe and taken off the market. I know now that much of that seeking behavior came from poor neurological chemistry. Taking an SSRI was a game changer for me. I believe a lot of my chemical use was an attempt to self medicate. I wonder sometimes if my chronic depression had been diagnosed earlier how my life may have been different. Not being diagnosed until after 50, I'm sure depression was a major player in life choices. Anyway.... Today is today and it is best to look forward!

Weight is slowly going back down, but not as fast as I want it to. I'm very tempted to up my dose next month. Not sure I want to though. But, I do need to break this next decade sooner rather than later!

Another busy after school day - hair cut and then a dog client that will go until about 7 or 7:30.

Not much else... Wishing everyone a tuneful Tuesday! Sing like no one is listening!

Liz airfares are so nonsensical sometimes. Is Veteran's Day big on the east coast? Here only Federal Employees have the day off. Schools etc are open. My daughter was delighted the first year she got Columbus Day off in Boston, and asked why we pay practically no attention to it in Minnesota. I told her we know the real truth, and it was Lief Erickson who "discovered" North America.

Peps, I searched for things to make me feel right too. I enjoy a ****tail for sure, but potato chips always called to me much louder. We can open a bottle of red wine for dinner, and forget to drink the rest the following day, letting it turn to vinegar. I took Prozac in my early 30s, and would have stayed on it longer, but I got pregnant, then nursing, then pregnant. It did seem like it helped flip a switch in my brain though, and a lot of what felt right while taking it remained. I might like things like valium and xanax a little too much, so good thing they aren't readily available, and I don't have enough ambition to go drug seeking. Sunlight and water are still my favorite mood altering substance by far. When I lizard, I can feel something deep inside unspool.

I've also thought about whether if I had treatment sooner for my mental health, what would my life be like? It's taken me years and years and years to untangle everything that went down in my childhood and early 20s. Who could I have become without the abuse? Who knows. But I have the things I so desperately wanted when I was young: safety and peace. I am so incredibly grateful for our peaceful home.

Whew! Lots of deep thoughts when what I was initially thinking about was do I still love the thrill of a good roller coaster?

Some administrators are still acting like we aren't grievously under staffed. Sure, Ill case manage 21 students, teach classes, and I still have time to watch some videos to learn how to use this new curriculum you purchased. Basically teach myself to use this whole new system. Ah, the joy of being a short timer. By the time they figure out I'm not using it, I'll be starting my endless summer.

DH has MOHS surgery tomorrow to remove a skin cancer on his face. I'm confident it will go well, but of course he is a bit nervous. I am taking the day off to be his designated driver.

Good luck to DH. I hope it doesn't end up to be too extensive.

Re the conversation on Osteoporosis. My Mom and my Grandmothers grew up on dairy farms, so they were not lacking calcium rich food. But what they didn't have: vitamin D fortification in their milk, because they were drinking raw, homegrown milk. And up at this latitude, you are not going to be able to get enough vitamin D naturally. My paternal Grandma also had a goiter when she was young, due to iodine deficiency. There is an identified area in the Great Lakes Region where the soil lacks any natural iodine, which is where she lived. Iodized salt has pretty much eliminated this condition now.

155.2. Up again and calories are still below 1,000 everyday!

I might be a dopamine seeker. And I agree with Liz and DD that sunshine and water are the way to go! I love to take hot baths to wind down at the end of the day. In fact, DH and I went into the hot tub last night! I really wanted a glass of wine with the soak but was very low in protein for the day so I drank a Fairlife instead. Perhaps when the kids are here later in the week!

More organizing bundles of scrapbooking supplies to sell. Such a big job.

My meeting at church was cancelled last night so I couldn't let them know of my plans to change churches. I think I will just text or email the coordinator. I express myself better in the written word anyway.

Greetings all

There is a chill in the air. I was cold at scrabble. Perhaps that's why I lost two games including to the Shark. Bound to happen. It is a fun group as we analyze all the world's problems. After that I got my weekly cheeseburger. Ate half. Then I went to the gym and worked off 35 calories of said cheeseburger. There was a grunter. After that it was a stop at rite aid to get claritin. Geez that store is half empty. Sad place. I don't like ordering from Amazon but might have to in order to get my favorite coffee.

Hmmm, I am no longer an adrenaline seeker. Maybe during my skiing years but no more. I take my comfort in chocolate and red wine though I don't crave sweets that much any more. Maybe carbs. And yeah I take an SSRI and have since I was 40. My shrink at the time attempted to counsel me about overeating but I was in my "I am fat **** you" stage. Still sort of am. Or more like "I am fat, who cares?".

But I do care because it's hard to move around as much as I would like. Hence the treadmill. Yeah I am also on the osteopenia thing so weight bearing exercise is important. Interesting DD about the vitiamin issues. Gotta have D. I suspect more health problems than we know are nutrition related. I am still wishing for the health food store that has NO stuff that is bad for you. I am still highly confused about cooking oils and use only olive.

Yay Liz for including Justice on the Christmas plans. Sad about the high air fares. Guess it's to be expected. Nothing ever gets cheaper.

DD how is your dad doing? Ditto CC and Peps.

Made a big list today and I am through most of it. Down to the dregs: laundry and straightening desk which is covered with my wardrobe of bandages and papers. Perhaps if my washing machine dispensed m and m's when I fill it and start it. If only...

Diane S

Yes, DD ... how is your dad?

Thanks for asking about my Dad. You all are the best.

I just got done texting with my brother about my Dad. The possible heart valve problem is not significant enough to require treatment. They were concerned about the Mitral Valve in the ER, but the echo is showing it has good output. Brother says Dad is sleeping 14 hours a day. He is really worn out. He's continuing treatment for the GI tract infection. DB is sanitizing what he can in the house, because he believes it is some kind of food poisoning. Did I mention before my Dad wants to reuse paper plates? I don't believe in interfering in other people's choices, but when I get there, I do throw out all the used paper products and rewash the dishes. My Dad never says anything about the paper plates to me when I toss them, which makes me think he has some OCD thing about throwing them away himself, but understands what he is doing is not normal. This hoarding started the last few years, and I'm sure it's an expression of anxiety about my Mom dying and his own aging, and potential loss of control.

It's my Mom's birthday next Monday, so we'll drive out to see them Monday evening, and then the weekend of the 8th, I'll stay with my Mom so the men can go deer hunting. Hopefully my Dad can go along, as he really looks forward to it. For now, my brother and his wife are sleeping over each night.