Tuesday, September 17, 2024

Here?s the FB group that worked for me: https://www.facebook.com/groups/389365021164214

You will see that it's pretty specific and may or may not be the right group for you.

A few other thoughts about grief support groups and ME (not necessarily you):

Although I'm a resilient person, my husband's death took me to a place I'd never been before. Losing 'my human' was, for me the greatest loss of my life. And the phases of my grief were a surprise to me, although they were not those five tidy little Kubler-Ross boxes we've all read about. I was comforted to observe that many other widows and widowers were also not finding that model very useful.

One of the most frustrating aspects of grieving such an overwhelming loss was the fact (and I do think it's a fact) that anyone who has NOT lost a treasured partner cannot begin to understand the depth or the qualities of that loss. People are kind--they want to be comforting, and that's wonderful--but they really do say and do some of the most astonishing things sometimes when they're trying to offer solace.

I think that eventually most widows do "recover" from this kind of loss, meaning that we process and process it until we find a way to incorporate the raw reality of it and accept it and then go forward and rebuild our lives. But as I'm sure others here will agree, it takes serious work.

And although you'll probably think I buried the lede about my grieving process, I was also in therapy before my husband died and continued in therapy for several years afterward. That was very helpful. There are a lot of things I needed to say or express or feel, but needed to do so with someone who simply, merely, and magically just LISTENED and then did not tell me what I was feeling or supposed to feel or supposed to do.

I think of you daily, Lizanne.

Thank you so much. What you are saying really resonates with me, and I know I need to look into support groups/therapy, etc. Right now, it's just such a HUGE hole in my heart that I can't see how it will ever heal, though I know intellectually that people go through this and find a way. I believe myself to be a resilient person as well, but ... David was always there to be my rock and center me. Anyway, thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

Lizanne

I understand. As do Liz and Paula. We're here if you need us in any way.

I'm so glad you have the support of your DD. So lucky that you can rely on her during this time of adjustment and grieving.

So good to see you.

Lizanne, I am so sorry to hear of your great loss. It is such a good thing your daughter has been with you, and you can lean on each other for support and in love.

Weight stayed down at the minus 50 mark, so that is a very good thing! I was thinking this morning that I hope I am able to stay on this dose for several months. I don't really want to up my dose to the 15 mg until I absolutely have to. I am hoping the increased workouts coupled with the 12.5 mg dose and really focused eating will get this last 40 pounds off without too much struggle or delay. My goal is to be under 200 pounds by January 1. That might be a bit too high of an expectation, but I will work toward it.

I had my first "pension stress" dream last night. I don't quite remember details, but I do remember having concerns about spending and having an in dream freak out moment. I suppose this is all normal stuff prior to retirement. I think I may have mentioned before, I'm not a huge TV watcher. Ron is a person who uses the TV as background and watches a lot of TV. I am leaning towards eliminating our cable TV and moving to YouTube TV. It is so much cheaper and we will still be able to get local broadcast channels. Just another way for me to save a little money each month going forward. I'm kind of glad I don't consider my savings as "living money". Savings in my mind are for special things like vacations, home improvement and the extra curricular dog stuff. Thinking of my pension money as my only income is forcing me to reduce accordingly. I like that.

Another NSV - I was able to "closet shop" for new belts. My "fat" belts are now too big to use. My medium small belts now fit, so I'm using those again. Just gonna toss the big ones. I also need to donate a lot of my shirts - they are just too tent-y. My new workout shorts look too small to wear, but they fit just fine. Oooooohhhh... Sooooo Delightful.

Guess that's it from here.... Happy moving and cleaning out to all of y'all who so impress me to the Nth degree!!!!

Cudos to shirts looking too small but fitting!

It's stressful and exciting. We have similar plans. We think we can live our normal life on pension and social security. Other IRAs and 401K and 401B are for travel or splurges. We're looking for other ways to cut a little each month too. The 3 freeloaders on our family cell plan (DD, DS and DM) might have to kick in a bit. I'm always campaigning to get rid of cable. And for some inexplicable reason we still have a land line! I also believe you either pay with your money or your time. Right now, the choice sometimes has to be money, because the time just isn't available. That could change.

So happy for you to hit 50 pounds lost. That's an amazing amount of change in a relatively short amount of time!