Tuesday, June 13, 2023

Good morning! We were up a little after 7 vs 8 on our prior 2 mornings so it feels like we have a bit more time in the day.

We leave at 10:30 for a boat excursion booked by DD for 8 of us (all from our former Massachusetts hometown though none of us live there anymore). It is supposed to include snacks, drinks, and snorkeling (though I would prefer not to do the latter after anything alcoholic). Should be fun.

Last night we ate at an Italian restaurant within walking distance. The food was decent but uninspired. I would leave it on the list for convenience purposes but look for a different Italian place when we feel like driving. It is so hard to tell what is good or not here as the reviews are typically all over the place and almost all end up averaging in the low 4's. So a 4.2 rated restaurant may be great or thoroughly mediocre.

Time to take a walk and get a healthy breakfast prior to the boating trip. Have a terrific Tuesday!

Weird night's sleep. I woke up a lot which made the night feel long, but at the end it felt too short and I was really sad when the alarm went off.

Today I am going to Scottsdale to meet with the interior designer. Hope it's fun and not overwhelming.

Went to Walmart because I wanted some Apple AirTags for my luggage and they had them on sale. What a dismal store that is. There's a reason for the infamous website "People of Walmart". It's a crowd you don't encounter anywhere else...

Food hasn't been good. I find I don't want to mention that when it isn't good, like I don't want to weigh myself when I haven't been eating well. It's all part of ostriching, so I will call it out.

So tired and I have a headache... but I need to go get in the shower!

Hope you all have good days!

Not a happy post. Hope you are back to your normal sorts ASAP!

Walmart is definitely an "interesting" place. On Cape Cod the people who visit Walmart tend to be a broader spectrum of the population because there isn't anywhere else to go for a selection of lower priced items. But the one near us in Florida is exactly as you described.

Good morning! Liz the picture posted on Facebook of you and DD was so lovely. Glad you are having some fun and relaxation. How is your shoulder doing?

CC, I know that feeling of avoiding the scale. I tell myself I am collecting data, "just a number" and sometimes it's a bit effective... in my experience, it's often not as bad as I was predicting... the whole thing is so fraught with emotion though.

OceanDiane, so glad you were able to get some fluids. Sometimes the vomiting is so bad it's just about impossible to get back on track ourselves. Continue to be kind to yourself ad you get stronger.

Diane S. Oh the flooring thing! We really need to replace our living room carpet. During Covid, DH put hardwood down himself in the dining room and kitchen. That wasn't too bad (well for me, whose job was to keep telling him how awesome it was looking!) because there wasn't a lot of furniture to move, and it could all fit in one of the rooms while he worked on the other. But living room stuff is so big, (and heavy!) and where do we sta**** while working? But somehow people do get their flooring replaced, and it looks awesome! Like you said, time to do it!

Peps, hope you are getting in some relaxing time too. I feel for Ron seeing his little bulldog get hurt. The dog world can be fierce. Our golden retriever was never too good at playing nice either with other dogs. She was a lot in general.

Shirl, it does seem crazy DHs work can't give you all a solid answer. Europe is a trek for us, but good grief, he's got to prepare to travel pretty much around the world. A little notice would be good.

I did do my workout yesterday, and it felt great. Costco cannot keep Fair life protein drinks in stock. I had to buy Premiere Protein. I had one last night, and remembered that I don't really like them. I blended it with ice, a couple strawberries and a 1/4 of a banana . It was tolerable, but not yummy. I think I'm just going to concoct my own using regular Fair life milk, espresso and a shot of SF vanilla.

Tonight we are going to a cigar and rum tasting party at a local restaurant. Unfortunately, they don't take reservations. I called and asked when did they think I should arrive to get a table. By 4pm. Event starts at 5:30pm. Smoking on patio allowed at 6pm. I feel like it could be a long afternoon!!! Our friends are driving 30 miles to join us though, so I will go at 4 to make sure this happens. They'll be getting there sometime after 5pm.

I put on my workout clothes first thing. Going to have a late breakfast and then head over. DH will be home around noon.

My Costco has trouble keeping the Fairlife in stock, as well. I happened to find the ONLY case the last time I went. I snagged it! I really like the Fairlife because it doesn't affect my gut!

We don't have a Costco near us either place we live. The only place I can get the Fairlife protein drinks is via Amazon. I do like them best for taste and digestibility too.

Weight is stable at the low end of my high end! How's that for optimism! LOL! I had my monthly session with the regular shrink yesterday. Went well. Something that came up is that with all the stress of my dad, dealing with my brother's need for control (which I understand), having company for over a week, etc.... my weight has not increased. Somehow without tracking I am keeping calories steady even though I have been inclined to eat calorie dense comfort and soothing foods. Could it be that I'm actually learning how to regulate my intake naturally?

A few other "truths" have come to light lately, too. I have noticed that my identity is infiltrated by a diet identity. If I am not working on my weight, who am I? I think CC and I have weight history - heavy as children, teens and young adults suffering peer, parental and self inflicted pressure to adhere to societal norms (which in teh 70s, 80s and 90s was THIN). I feel as if I need to at least make the appearance of being concerned about my weight and size or else I will be "frowned" upon by society. Please keep in mind I live in the land of "beautiful people" (CA) and came of age in a gay culture in which masculine perfection was the goal. So there has been a lifetime of never measuring up. Now that I am coming to terms with my eating disorder and all the stinking thinking that can go with it, I sometimes feel guilty-ish for not wanting to work on my weight actively and it feels "wrong" to be accepting of my weight and body as it is. Yet, I know that the acceptance of where I am today is fundamental in moving forward to instigate positive change. UGH.... Glad I can come here and purge....

Looks like we are finally going to have some sun today! The last week has been cool, with morning fog/marine layer clearing up only to bring in high clouds and a breeze.

Not much on the schedule today. Hair cut at noon, some dog trimming and cleaning. Oh, yeah, calling AAA for either a tow or a jump. My car is 100% ABSOLUTELY dead. I thought it was the key fob battery, but apparently not. Changed that out and still nothing works. Can't even unlock the car doors without the emergency key.

Hasta la bye bye!

Beauty standards. Ah. In college I sister myself down to a 1980s size 6/8 and yet I thought I needed to lose 10 more pounds. Short of a full blown eating disorder, which I was kind of toying with, I could not have peeled another 10 pounds off. And I did enjoy being that small, and I loved the clothing options, but I never relaxed into it. And it took so much work to maintain, holy crap!

Now I am coming up on 62 years of age, and I find it much easier to let go of the need to look a certain way. Age and years of obesity tell their story on my body. No amount of healthy eating and exercise will make my thighs look firm. I am pro plastic surgery, but I don't see it in my future, there are other spending priorities for what income I have. So screw it I tell myself. My mantra again, I'm done finding me unacceptable. Its okay for me to be, to exist, to take up space in the world, however I am.

Greetings all

It's overcast here but dry and calm. I am busy nagging DH to move stuff out of the living room for the floor estimator tomorrow. Nagging because I have asked politely over and over. We have so much junk it's discouraging. Back to considering the storage unit.

Liz boat trip sounds great. Say hi to the fish. Love snorkeling. Maybe I will even do it again someday.

Yea Peps growing up pudgy results in a huge amount of life baggage. I remember being referred to as "that tubby little blonde" at summer camp. And I have mentioned how traumatized I was at college over being weighted and measured with calipers to determine ideal weight. Messaging with my classmates 50 years later it was only a few of us pudgy girls who even remember this. Ditto disapproving looks if I had an ice cream cone. But regardless of all that I would feel better and be healthier if I got rid of a few pounds. My reluctance to do this may stem from a resentment of the childhood stuff. Oh well, does not make it go away.

CC have fun with the designer. What a great thing to get to do - decorate your fabulous home.

Ocean Diane I hope you are improving. Stay hydrated!

Shirley Germany for your DH on a few days notice? Thats pretty tough. Besides the trip planning one needs to figure out the business to be conducted. My dad traveled extensively internationally when I was young. It seemed exotic but really it's going to work with a 10,000 mile commute. Hope it resolves well.

I was out and about a bit today getting payroll for the studio and getting change for the gallery at the bank. Some one messages me at 5:30 telling me we are low on $1 bills. Folks, the banks are closed then though the grocery store will help in a pinch.

DD yuck on the premier portion. I used to put coco powder in the chocolate to make it more bitter. GY in the vanilla. DH gets a mocha latte premier drink even though he does not drink coffee. I saw an ad for root beer float Premier. Gag me with a spoon!

The maple tree in the front yard is getting really big. When it was smaller I used to like to prune and shape it. Too big for that now. Gonna call the tree man.

Last of the shrimp tonight. Then what?

Diane S