VSG Maintenance Group
Sunday, May 28, 2023
Hi everyone, back from my parents. My Dad went up to "our" cabin north of Duluth with my brother and his family. I say our in quotations, since it is supposed to be a family compound, but I am never invited. Too many times I logged onto Facebook, to see my parents and my brother's family posting pictures. My mother, when she could go would say, oh we thought you were busy, or, we didn't think you would want to go. Now my Mom is too immobile to go, so my Dad can only go if I stay with my Mom. It's his happy place, I am glad to give him a break.
My parents have always wanted me to help them, always. They constantly are in crisis, try to drag me into it, but then do what they want anyhow. Spending the weekend is so intense. My mother cries for hours, and she definitely has reason to be sad, but some of it no. She cried again about my going on a vacation with my Aunt, how it breaks her heart, that my aunt is swooping in and stealing me. Ugh. She cries and tells me she can't go on anymore, but she will not let me come to any doctors appointment. She gets terrible medical care. I don't know how she finds so many bad doctors. I have had mostly awesome care my whole adult life, and if not, I see someone else. I think in general, health care here is good, I mean we have the Mayo and University of Minnesota.
Cleaning the living room out was good, because my Mom had to make decisions, so she wasn't crying then. It was something that didn't make me feel all weird (like the million boundary invasions that go on, when my Mom starts talking about stuff I don't need to hear, I stare out the window, or get up and go in the kitchen and start cleaning something). It gave me something to do that could improve their life. So that was good.
Planning for old age is tough. CC I think I may have mentioned my Aunt is setting up a revocable trust so I could care for her in the event her husband can't. She will fund her own care situation, assisted living, nursing home, etc, and I will fly in to do well checks. I don't know if there is any younger person/cousin etc in your life that could play that role.. Luckily, you are many years away from having to make any decisions...
Liz, my guess is your kids don't know that you could use some help with a few things now. You are so can do, so organized, and have been their rock. I mean, I am kind of in awe of you, and we're about the same age!
Not sure what we are going to do tomorrow. Having no specific plan also feels good.
Does your Mom have some untreated mental health issues? She may work at finding doctors who agree with her vs. doctors who can act independently? My MIL had a doctor who was asked to fill out a form for the DMV when she was renewing her license in her early 90's. He wrote that she should not be allowed to drive which all her children were thrilled to hear because they had unsuccessfully been trying to convince her to stop driving for a while. MIL was incensed when she found out what he did so made an appointment with him and reamed him for doing it. The weenie caved and rescinded it. I lost respect for him at that point. BTW, her eye doctor wasn't so wishy-washy and when the subject of driving came up he said "There will be no more of that" (she had pretty serious macular degeneration by then).
