Tuesday, May 2, 2023

A busy start to the morning... The landscaper came by at 8 (still in my pjs) to tell me that I need to submit a request to put in the trees that are already half here. Ugh. HOAs keep things nice, but they are a pain in the rear! So I had to draw my lot/house and mark where trees would go and fill out a form. So a meeting, decisions, paperwork, artwork, and scanning/emailing all before coffee! But it's done and submitted.

I got a call that the PT office has a cancellation today so I can go start trying to fix my neck that no longer swivels like it used to before I wrenched it rolling over in my sleep in March. Which takes one thing off my list tomorrow, which is good as the day was too full. I hate scheduling more than one thing on any day and I had 3 tomorrow with a 4th I turned down because of the other 3! Nothing on other days. May 3rd was just a magnet.

I ate according to my low carb plan yesterday and erased a blip on the scale from yesterday. So that's 5.5 pounds since I started last Tuesday. Let's see if I can make it past the highs of losing a lot the first week followed by the disappointment of the hard part of having to shift fat and no****er the second week.

Off to get some coffee and ground myself after a rough start to the day... Hope you all are healthy and happy!

Congratulations on the loss of 5.5 pounds! I sure hope I can get my act together when I finally get home.

Multiple appointments on the same day are not fun. Sometimes I end up scheduling that way to get them done with but 2 would be my preferred max per day even then.

This morning we are on the bungalow deck looking out at Moorea across the water with many sailboats and catamarans intervening. We are going to try to take a decent walk having not been able to have a proper one in the mornings for 3 weeks now. Not much planned for today other than swimming off our deck and possibly snorkeling. We have a reservation tonight for dinner at an overwater restaurant.

Have a thrilling Tuesday!

I don't want to lose weight. I want to be thin.

That is my truth. I want the magic pill. It's kind of nice and freeing to admit, too. I really don't want to do the WORK to be thinner, I just want it to BE. I suppose that has been my hold up all this time. It's easy to say I want to lose weight, but it's a different thing to actually mean it: to actually put the work in to lose weight in a successful, logical, methodical, sustainable way.

Of course, there is a lifetime of dysfunctional thinking that accompanies this. For example, I have a core belief that since I am "wrong" being a large bodied person, I must always be focused on becoming a thin bodied person. If I am not at least giving lip service to this idea, I am faulty. Being comfortable with this idea of not wanting to lose weight is a bit tricky for someone with the type of thinking I have been holding fast to all these years.

Now, what this means to me in the long run, I'm not sure. I sense that I have come to this conclusion before, but didn't sit with it the way I am now. Anyhow, I sure have been thinking about what being thinner at this point in my life means and what it's worth to me to manage those goals. No answers, but lots of mulling over and hemming and hawing.

A lot of 'stuff' has come up over the past few days to bring all this thinking out into the light. We shall see what becomes of it all. Hmmmph.....

The school at which I teach today is having a major staff appreciation day. It was nice to be included. Being peripheral staff at each school I don't expect much, so I was tickled to be given a personalized tote bag.

I could go on and on with the thoughts in my head today, but I will spare you all the ramblings of mind today. LOL.... I've already puked up a lot of my thinking here today!

Tenacious Tuesday to all!

I hear you!!!! And feel that deeply.

My epiphany this week was that I don't dislike my body or the number on the scale. Are they ideal? No. Would I want both smaller if I possessed the magic pill you speak of? Absolutely. But do I loathe myself for the way I look? Nope. It just is. Which is a far better headspace than I used to occupy!! If I never lost a pound, would I fine with my body as it is? Probably. It gets me around, isn't terribly limiting like it was pre-sleeve. Doesn't stand out as particularly overfat or unhealthy.

What I do hate is the act of dressing this body. Finding clothes that fit and look nice feels like an impossible task. My only weight trials and tribulations these days revolve around not having anything to wear and feeling like there is nothing right out there to buy to wear even if i wanted it. And dreading activities not because of how my physical body looks or what it can't do, but what it's swathed in. Or not having anything to swath it in. Or being self-conscious about I look in my swathing. Still, it feels like growth to have distilled my issues down to just clothing...

I am 100% where you are! Which is why it is so, so difficult to think about the dreaded diet. I actually eat so much less junk than I used to but still feel so guilty when I do. I so wish I could wear my stuff from the thin days after VSG.

Lots to mull over. I know for sure I am done getting up in the morning and labeling all the ways I am unacceptable and that I need to improve. Maybe that's the gift of getting older, take me or leave me, this is me. At the same time, I am still trying to lose regain. Why? Hmmm. The fear that if I stay at this weight, I will someday be back to where I started, losing mobility. I have no reason to believe that this is as much as I'm going to gain ever. And I wasn't a healthy, strong obese person. 11 years ago my life was limited greatly. I can't go back. I guess trying to lose weight is insurance against further gain? Like I am going to gain 10 pounds a year, so I'd better try and lose 30 now to give myself wiggle room?

And the clothes thing is huge to me! I'll admit it. I loved dressing up at my lower weight. When I dream about being successful at weight loss again (Wegovy will you treat me right?) I think about the clothes I love that don't fit right now, or don't fit nicely. It's harder to wear my cute boots with modest heels.

I am, I think (don't think I'm kidding myself, but self reflection is always needed) willing to do at least some of the hard work to lose weight. I had weight loss surgery! Not an easy thing to submit to. I diligently followed eating plans both before and after surgery. I know the carbs, fat grams calories of almost every food on earth. (Okay, hyperbole) I have worked so hard at weight loss, with mixed results.

Why I would consider not "dieting" any longer. Despite considerable effort, time, money it has not worked. The only thing for me that has is WLS. Success with WLS I attribute to 2 things: restriction and hormone reset. Both aren't as powerful 11 years out as they were the first 4/5 years. Oh what a time that was, to enjoy food, and feel satisfied with a modest serving, and not obsess. So I keep looking for that feeling. I don't know if it can be replicated. My holy grail.

So absolutely no answers. But I am not willing to stop my search yet. I just do it without hating my current self. My life is good and worthwhile, because I am enough.

Have you started the Wegovy yet?

I'm planning to take my first dose Thursday, after work. If it doesn't agree with me, I have the weekend to recover...

Greetings all

It's raining here but not lots. Still I was hoping for sun. Went to the bank to get some cash to pay for fence replacement in the front. Our neighbor did it and its great. Now I need to get another potato vine which makes a beautiful climber. Also had a studio board meeting which, as usual, got off on ridiculous tangents. I fear I let my cranky impatient self out a bit but geez.

Yep Peps, you got it right. I want to be thinner but do not want to be on a diet. It was so easy with the VSG to follow the protein rules and not eat junk. Somewhere the carb monster got back into my blood stream and there it is. DD is right that the restriction plus grehlin inhibition were great. Wish I could keep that up forever. Is that how whegovy works (yeah no clue how to spell). I am beyond caring how I look or even about clothes as long as there are sweats, but my mobility is under attack by both weight and age. I would do better is I weighed less on a lot of accounts. Why cant I do what is in my best interest? No answers here either. It was a heady experience 13 years ago watching the scale drop and new clothes fitting. Longing for those days but not willing to put in the work.

CC good luck with the landscapers and HOA permit. I also hate having lots of events scheduled. Interferes with my navel contemplation. But 5.5 lbs is great and also no accident. Think of it as tossing that bread into the trash!

Liz glad they got the bungalow for you. Looks wonderful. And doesn't snorkeling count as a walk? What do fish do for exercise?

Cheers all. Diane S

Here's a basic description of how Wegovy works:

Wegovy imitates a human hormone named glucagon-like peptide-1 (GLP-1), which targets areas of the brain that control appetite and the intake of food. The medication is designed to be used in combination with a program of exercise and nutritious eating.

A few other things my medical people told me: it slows the emptying of your stomach, so fullness lasts longer.

According to my clinic: The sleeve causes a surge in this GLP- 1 hormone. That surge eventually diminishes, which is why so many of us struggle with regain 5 or so years out. This was actually one of the talking points to get me approved, the fact that the surge in GLP-1 after surgery worked well for me.