Wednesday, March 22, 2023

Yesterdays lunch at Little Palm Island was amazing. Like being on a super high-end Caribbean island with fantastic food and service. I actually ate fairly healthy as I had ceviche and blackened fish in lettuce wraps (but I did eat half of my amazing key lime pie and had Prosecco). The boat trip was pretty short (15 minutes) and was in waters surrounded by islands so is unlikely to be very rough at anytime. But the island is quite small and isolated so I'm not sure that I would want to stay overnight for more than 2-3 days. Good thing as it costs about $3000 per night!!!

Eighteen years since we lost my oldest DD Elise. It wasn't the worse day, just the last of many so, so sad days. She was ready but I miss her all the time especially around this date, her birthday and Christmas. Among the things she loved were beaches, tiki bars, small chihuahuas, and shoes. Very like me in a lot of ways I never thought about back then. But her compassion and caring was on a totally different level.

Anyway, today is the beach then I don't know what for dinner. Have a winsome Wednesday.

I'll be holding you in my heart today, Liz. It is in the 50's and dreary here. The buds and blooms are beautiful, though !

Thank you

I forgot to mention that we started watching Daisy and the Six on Prime Video the other night. Really good and nostalgic for those of us around my age. We watched 4 of 8 episodes in 2 days.

Diane Ocean, I'm so sorry to read about your brother in law. Cretan, or not, suicide is horrible for all concerned. Your sister is lucky to have such a strong support system in her siblings.

Liz, I was thinking, it's got to be hard to be on point with eating when you seem to be on perpetual vacation. But again, I think the extra few pounds you have right now are celebratory, happy, in love pounds.

CC, like you, I am getting a bit tired of the weather. There was another ridiculously strong storm yesterday. An unlucky person in the huge retirement community here lost his/her life yesterday when a giant eucalyptus tree blew over and onto the car in which he/she was a passenger. The driver sustained only minor injuries. So, so sad. On my way to school today there were the remains and debris of no fewer than 3 fallen trees which had fallen across the roads. So lucky they were cleared by this morning. Last week it took several days for all the trees to be cleared away.

My eating SUCKS right now. I've been having some anxiety in the dark hours - the kind that affects my self esteem and makes me feel loser-ish. Working on it. Oh, how I thought I'd be beyond this by my current age. LOL... At least I can find the humor in it.

Perhaps it is my age, future retirement, emotional growth, but I am questioning a lot about my life and the way that I wi**** to be in the future. I'm supposing this is normal, but you know, men (even most gay men) don't talk about such things, so I'm not sure... Hoping I'm not the odd duck out on this one.

Happy hump day to all....

I hear you on the questioning my future life! Most of the time I focus on the minutiae of the day to day. But every once in a while, it's like the curtain blows back and I get a bit panicky about the long term. The way I live now is fine, but are my habits, choices, etc. going to keep me "fine" in 20 years? I don't eat or exercise for 20 years in the future me. Future me will be lamenting that I didn't if I don't change. I think about being alone at 70 and beyond and the fear that brings because there are some stages of life where you just can't be self-sufficient. My aunt showed me that. There must be a balance of enjoying the moment and preparing for the future so you can continue to "enjoy the moment" for a long as possible. My brain can't seem to get past me wanting junk food and sloth in the moment.

I posted a video of a waterfall at the end of my road. Given that most of our weather passes through CA, your weird year is our weird year! We got over 2" of rain yesterday and it snow this morning briefly.

Greetings all

More overcast and drizzle. Enough already. There is some flooding to the south. But as Peps mentioned, the worst thing is falling trees. It's happened all over the place here. It does every year but not to this extent. And there are some road closures due to slides. We are not impacted but when the freeway closes to the south, you better stock up on toilet paper!

I had planned to go to the studio today but spent the whole time on this minor tax issue for the gallery. Ended up talking to the IRS which proved to be worthless. Going to the accountant tomorrow to try to unsnarl what should be simple.

Thinking of all of you who are experiencing losses. Hugs.

Yeah thinking about the present vs future. I was always a very future oriented person, saving money, thinking about my next move or goal and on and on. A couple of years ago I felt at loose ends and realized it was because I did not have a big project going on in my life. WLS and corresponding weight loss was one such project. Success in my art sales was another. Dog showing another. I finally got to having some general anxiety and realized that I was without such a project. Then I realized it was ok to not have a project and to live day to day. Or so I tell myself. It would be a good idea for me to have a small project such as a minimal amount of exercise or a day of healthy eating because I tend to be a total slug otherwise. Not much more insight than that but I do wish I had not regained some weight. I think I avoid addressing it because I dread the endless cycle of lose weight and then regain like I did a half dozen times in my adult life. Dreary but true.

On that note it's pork chops tonight. House got cleaned today. Enough excitement for one day.

Diane S

Hugs to you Liz. Your beautiful girl. Indescribable loss. The show Hamilton has a song, Living with the Unimaginable, about his grief over his son's death. It is what parents fear the most, way worse than your own death. And yet despite all our collective prayers, and bargains with God, it happens. The unimaginable. You live your life which such grace, and that honors Elise's memory.

Planning for old age. I was grateful 20 years ago when my parents first retired that their financial situation seemed very secure. I thanked them for their sound decisions, knowing I wouldn't have to worry about it. Ha! What I didn't know is that they wouldn't spend their money easily, and they have become weirder and weirder about it. My Dad is 85. He doesn't really have to guess about his life span. Perhaps he will live 10-15 more years. Why can't he take a chunk of his money, not all, heaven forbid, and divide it into 10-15 parts, and use it to ease their last years? They have no plan except to die in their beds at home. I need to remember this, and have a better roadmap so my kids will know what to do if we get incapacitated before we die. My Dad won't even give Power of Attorney to me or my brother. My Mom says she wants to be buried by her parents, but I don't even know if she owns a plot in that cemetery.

So I think planning is good. But I should practice what I preach. DH and I keep meaning to make a "death book" with all our accounts, deeds, titles, etc but we haven't done it. And all these trips where we could get killed or injured. Not fair to the kids, we need to get this book together. I have gone through different scenarios with DH if I die before I retire, what money he can expect from my job and my pension. We talk about what we think the cash flow would be for each of us in the role of surviving spouse. My family knows my burial wishes. ( cremation, dig a hole, pour my ashes in and plant a tree).

CC, I don't know if there is a younger friend, or surrogate niece or nephew in your life. My Aunt, who does not have children, is creating a revocable trust for me. It's to be used to pay for travel and other expenses to oversee her care, if that is ever needed. I would care for her regardless, but this removes any financial barrier that might prevent me from flying in as often as I like.

Diane S. I like projects too, but I have what I call, the gift of lounging. I can sit on my porch and watch the birds hop around in the yard for a really long time. I used to think it meant I'm lazy, but now I think it's a meditative practice for me. Or maybe I am laxy, oh well!

Peps, do you think your reflective, somewhat pensive mood is tied to all the work you're doing with your therapist?

I want to gulp down experiences with abandon this decade of my life. If not now, when?

Yeah dd I used to tell my clients that the best thing they can do for heirs is to have things organized so they are not reduced to seeing what comes in the mail.spouses should share with each other even if assets are separated. Adult children should be informed. There is nothing worse than an unexpected death where the wife has no clue. Adult kids should understand the plan. Unmet expectations cause fights.

good planning is worth a lot. Diane