01/31/24 Tuesday

At my early January session with my therapist, I mentioned that in February, I was ready to transition to 1 X per month (from every 2 weeks). At our mid-January session, therapist recommended that I discontinue therapy all therapy and remain friends. What, wait... you are my friend ?! Then, I saw the red flags... the slow erosion of therapist/patient boundaries. I knew almost as much about her, as she did about me. Our sessions were no longer focused on my recovery plan. The shift had been slow, imperceptible ...until it wasn't. Anyway, I was able to see the flags once they began to wave, and terminated my work with her. With &&%#@@, I had to have the flags concuss me before I saw them !

I am once again working with my Doctors On Demand therapist I had seen the five months prior to moving to FL. She wasn't licensed in FL and referred me to a FL trauma therapist after the implosion with EX. I accomplished more in yesterday's session than I had in the last six months. After having me compare my last home with this one, she made the analogy that my last segment of life had been a cocoon, with a gentle awakening and re-emergence . I am transitioning into a healthy butterfly (with a much longer life span !). I like that analogy, and I needed that cocoon time.

You beat me on the posting - I pressed Submit and yours was here. Not used to another East coast poster! I deleted mine and am moving it here.

You are turning into a beautiful, free butterfly. Fantastic analogy!

My mother would have been 99 today if alive (she died in 2010). Happy Birthday Mother!

Yes, yesterday was a gorgeous beach day, but I did walk 3 miles and go to yoga before going. All on a fuzzy post-wine day. None of that anymore (excess wine).

I do so envy CC having all that beauty and hiking just outside her door. Though the weather seems to be a bit iffy there this time of year...

Guests again tonight and possibly a second night. They are Mike's friends from childhood and for some reason Mr. Itinerary doesn't nail them down on timing/length of stay though he does with everyone else. Must be a holdover from childhood. Anyway, after this we have an entire month of no planned visits. Yeah!

Now that the decks are clear and I started working on some of the **** (restarted yoga again - I already booked the next 2 sessions), the food modification needs to be next. I haven't started the medication yet because I didn't want possible negative side-effects while having company (an excuse maybe???). Perhaps Peps will enlighten us with a solution to this eating problem? ;)

Time to change for our walk. Bocce this afternoon prior to likely arrival time of our guests. Have a tugging Tuesday!

Hi all! So. Much. Beeping. They are working on electronic stuff again today and the beeping is driving me insane. I may need to go for a walk to momentarily escape. They are shutting the internet down to change over to the new system soon. Maybe I'll save my walk for then. Beep. Beep. Beep. So glad my folks went to Tucson this week. Listening to my dad grouse about both the chill and in the house and the beeping/activity would have been too much!

I watched such a charming, delightful movie this morning, Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris. I have it on the Pea**** app. So worth a watch if you come across it.

Liz, it's still cold and windy here. 46 right now (12:30pm). Gorgeous, but chilly. At least the sun is making an unscheduled appearance!

DianeO, my old therapist and I would have been great friends if she wasn't my therapist! I think it would be nice to have her a friend even now, but I understand they have boundaries for a reason.

Edit: just figured out it was the alarm keypad in my room that was beeping. It said "press # to silence" so I did. Aaaah....

Enjoy your days everyone!

I know I've been busy when I realize that I didn't even check in here yesterday!

So, I had a mild anxiety attack on Sunday night. I have had the exact feeling before many times, but it suddenly occurred to me that it might possibly be anxiety. So I went to Dr. Google and found out sure enough that what I was feeling were symptoms of an anxiety attack. I am one of the most NON anxious people I know, except when it comes to the psychological effects of weight. And it was in thinking about the "solution" that I felt the attack. Mind you, it is always brief, but it is most odd. Fluttery heart feeling - kind of like a giddy feeling inside my chest, and an overwhelming feeling of disquiet and wanting to escape. Then as quickly as it arrives, it leaves. Strange.....

BTW - I am beginning to have some theories about MY answer.... LOL.... However, I have not lost an ounce!

Diane O, I am confused to your whereabouts, which is probably a good thing..... You are still somewhere in the Southeast, correct?

My old girl, Keira, is beginning to show signs of real incontinence. She still tries to go outside, but if the door is closed, she pees. Doesn't even bark or scratch anymore.... Poor dear. Thank God for LVP flooring.

Sunny and chilly here. 30s this morning, upper 40s now. Should get into the low 50s by mid afternoon.

The three little pigs are brilliant and thriving. Lulu is such a good mama dog! It is very much her calling. Some dogs are just stellar moms, and others just aren't.

Let's make it a Tenacity Tuesday! I think being tenacious is a good thing!

I feel you on anxiety generated by uncomfortable thoughts! Mine often manifests as a sinking feeling in my chest and blood evacuating my arms, legs and head.

Poor Keira. It's so hard when they get older. She's lucky to have an understanding daddy!

Greetings all

Good to hear from everyone. Today was scrabble but I did not do especially well until the last game. Our group will not play next week due to someone's hip replacement. Getting to the age where thats what people talk about. But it's a great day and not raining.

Great except for the zillion junk phone calls we have had today. We still have a land line but the spam calls are getting to be so bad it's almost a reason to dump it. It's part of the package with the cable tv. Not sure how early the first call was but DH was still asleep.

Ocean Diane I am glad you have a different therapist. Must be hard to be a therapist and not befriend patients if you really like people and care about them. But it's an important rule. Good to move forward. Love the cocoon butterfly concept. And the cocoon part is not to be regretted - it's part of the process.

Peps sorry your old girl dog is leaking. I have heard it can be a hormone thing. And respectfully check your heart rate if you have another anxiety attack. I found I have tachycardia. Cant hurt to put on an oximeter for a minute. DH found out he has afib from his Apple watch. But cripes with all you do no wonder there is an anxiety attack once in awhile. My mother used to get them and had a medication but crabby old crazy pat often would not let her have it. So I would do yoga breathing with her that worked pretty well. Of course there is always chocolate eating....

More guests Liz! so much company is the result of living in Florida.

And CC if you are not careful you will get an abundance of company. Yeah I hate beeping too. makes me think the aliens are landing. The new security alarm at the gallery makes this weird sound about once every thirty minutes - enough to go "What Was That?" over and over. We have a security system that we don't use and it kept calling the alarm company even though it was off. They finally came here and made it stop. Hope your new electronics system is great!

DD stay warm. Looks like more bad storms in the center of the nation. And yeah my DH saves all that junk mail for me to handle and everything else under the sun. I just found some little cardboard boxes on my desk that he no doubt thinks I can use because he cannot bear to discard them.

Cheers all. Diane S

The point of therapy for empaths is the opportunity to just focus on their own issues for once. It's good to like your therapist, but the reciprocity of friendship is not part of therapy, so good for you Ocean Diane to move on. You have friends, you need a therapist to help you on a therapeutic journey.

CC, OMG, the torture of random beeping!!! Glad it was solved.

Liz, you need some time just to be in your own home, doing whatever. As for the meds, I wouldn't expect too much in the way of side effects right off the bat since you start at a low dose. I found it did help me sleep, so plan for that. It had no effect on my daughter, but it made me drowsy right away. I actually liked that. Not so much anymore.

Peps, all our joking aside about "the solution", wow, you are getting to something very deeply rooted when it triggers these reactions. Take care my friend as you go excavating, make sure you have support etc.

Diane, I get your DH not being able to throw away " good" boxes. I used to have that affliction. Now Amazon presents me with so many good box options, I am able to let them go, knowing more are coming.

Today we had a department meeting with the new boss who is making the changes that are causing such despair. I advocated vigorously for my team, and of course, now I have to spend the whole evening replaying everything. Did I state our case clearly, was I too aggressive, not aggressive enough, did I cause trouble for my principal, did I cause trouble for myself etc. I don't think I was out of line in any way, but the mind still nibbles and chews ...

Eating was good today, and I did my workout again. I pedaled in the "intense" parts of the program until I actually had to stop for a moment to catch my breath, so I'm pushing. It felt good. I don't know if I can go tomorrow, because I'm staying late with my Dungeons and Dragons club. One day at a time.

Ooh, I have an excessive number of those voracious brain gremlins nibbling in moments like that. Generally when I ask a neutral party, I'm assured it was just the right amount of whatever I think I (usually in my case) overdid.