Wednesday, October 12, 2022

Our bocce team is now 0-3. And I definitely stunk in our 9 holes of golf yesterday. Sigh... I might go to water aerobics this morning. Hopefully I won't drown LOL.

Mike is playing golf in the mens association today so if I do water aerobics, I will take for his Justice long walk after that, then run errands. I am cooking an old WW bolognese recipe for tonight. Tasty stuff. I have a lot of their recipes from books in the past that I enjoy even though the points are the old kind - but the nutrition stats are the same.

Not much else on the agenda. Have a wonderful Wednesday!

A week's worth of vacation eating did no damage. So, I guess I kind of know innately what my maintenance calorie range is - even while vacationing. That's a good thing.

On the other hand, I had a very emotionally FAT vacation. I'm guessing most of you can identify with feeling fatter than anyone else in the room.... That feeling permeated my entire dog show weekend. So, now I'm just sitting with it. I saw one photo in which I looked like a well dressed version of this:

I don't believe I'm really this big, but my personal interpretation of the photo sure made me feel this was a realistic representation. Make sense? Perhaps body dysmorphia and eating disorder are having fun with me.

Anyhow, I'm wanting to hard core diet. I know I should not because of the eating disorder, but damn.... I am gonna have to do something soon. Nutritionist has counseled me that this is a very difficult period in my healing and the eating disorder part of my brain will be throwing up roadblocks to progress that seem insurmountable, so I have to keep plugging on.... Damn, damn, damn....

So glad I have you all here to unload to. I hate talking with my "normal" friends about my weight and eating.

Wishful, winsome Wednesday to all.

It's all such an ugly cycle. An event of one kind or another kicks off the fear of being fat and demands restriction while another part of our brain lies in wait for the short term willpower to wear off and quickly replace all the calories we avoided and then some.

Know you don't look like that. Self-criticism is often intensely magnified beyond reality. But I understand the desire to do something about weight as I'm there right now.

It really is a tough cycle, but there is NO WAY you are even close to that even if you feel like it. Sometimes I feel like I look average but other times I feel fatter than every woman in the room especially here where everyone is so athletic.

Aw, darn it, I wish there were some pithy words we could say that would make these distorted images leave your brain. There are not. This shiz is tough. Intellectually, you know you're not that guy, and no one who looks at you sees that guy, or anything close. But those damn tapes!!! I'm no therapist, but if you're response to this distorted reality is I must now hard core diet, it's all part of the same cycle, no? The dieting won't help you get to a good place either. Hang in there Peps, you've done such great work.

I was brave today! I had posted on NextDoor for ideas for groups that need volunteers. A nice woman I met at a hiking event a few weeks ago answered and suggested The Sedona Women, a group that gets together to be a help in the community. She invited me to come to their monthly meeting today where local heads of arts organizations were going to be speaking (the local chamber music group, the area "sinfonietta" aka small orchestra, a group that does plays, the local art center with classes and galleries, and the local film festival). So interesting! And everyone was really nice. A woman saw me standing on the fringes with my New Member tag and left her conversation to take me under her wing for the whole meeting. So nice! She is from Cincinnati and knew my aunt's house which is in a very identifiable spot (Cincinnati is just a big small town). Another woman who is close friends with the people I bought the house from gave me her card and said to call anytime for anything. I am volunteering with the group on Saturday on a trail clean up along Oak Creek that runs through Sedona and carpooling with the first woman from the hiking group and her husband. So glad I went even though it was hard to walk in.

Food continues to be good. I can't explain it, but I'm not questioning the absence of a need to endlessly overeat. I walked another 3 miles last night and was down another pound (water - my ankle on my blood clot side was seriously puffy before, leaving impressions where I pressed on it)

Lots of admin things still to do, but I think I'm going to go to Costco instead. Procrastination!!

Do any of you have Audible? If you do and like funny books, I can highly recommend the Midlife series by Robyn Peterman. The narration is fantastic and I keep bursting out laughing while driving or walking. I bet I look crazy. Don't care.

I used to listen to audible books when commuting and I found that some books lent themselves to listening more than others. The ones I used to laugh out loud to were books by Janet Evanovich. The narration was so funny I liked them better than in print.

You are brave, and smart too! What a great idea to do the trail clean up, so you have purposeful stuff to do, while maybe getting to know some people. I marvel at your bravery throughout this entire adventure. I like to think I'm up for things, and have wanderlust in my soul, but here I am, living in the same house for 35 years. You wanted a change, and you made it happen.

Thank you, DD! That made me tear up!

Greetings all

I am sitting here sniffing glue. Not really, but remember when that was a thing? I am actually gluing little slug figures on top of stainless steel wine stoppers so I have some to sell at the gallery tomorrow. They sell fast so I will raise the price. Tee tee I am a little capitalist. But the glue reeks. Had to take it outside.

I have spent the day lounging about getting my hair washed and catching up on stuff. Tomorrow is a gallery day so I will be gone all afternoon.

Peps you absolutely do not look like that picture but I know how you feel. Somedays I feel like I have balloons of fat hanging off me. You are fit and strong and don't forget it.

Years ago I went to some kind of weight loss group therapy. We talked about ways to feel better about our bodies. My house came with this cheap mirror in one bedroom. It was absolutely a distorted mirror and made me look thinner but it made me feel much better about myself looking at the image. I have always wondered why dressing rooms at stores didn't have such mirrors. Instead they always had the wide angle three way mirrors that made you look huge plus bad florescent lighting that made you look green. I wonder if one can buy a "thin" mirror. No it did not change the truth but it did make me feel better. We have all known overweight people who were fun and self confident and did not let weight get in the way. Why not me?

CC sounds like you found a good group of people. Its easier to make friends in smaller towns. Hope the trail clean up is a fun event. Yay you for getting the walks in. But I don't care if tarantulas are harmless. They are hairy and creepy.

Its getting to be that time of day - dogs lobbying. Kibble for them. Steak for us!

Diane S