Monday December 20, 2021

It is COLD! I am not used to this 20 degree weather!

So the moral of the story is that I should not stew too long before discussing concerns with my partner. However I think a bit of time does help in deciding how to frame something so it doesn't make the recipient defensive. I could have broached discussing my insecurities by starting with my dismay that he had downplayed his previous relationship. Instead I brought up my own need for a full commitment before I am going to be comfortable selling my home. And that a full commitment for me means marriage.

On another note, I just returned from my first cardiologist appointment for my BP. He gave me a lot of confidence that he can get it down. I wish my PCP had referred me sooner as the last few years of playing around with my meds has been frustrating. And the cardiologist was not happy that my PCP had swapped one med with another because he said that the two work better together than separately. Interesting. My EKG was fine but he wants an echocardiogram to make sure I don't have any heart damage so I have to go back in early January before Hawaii.

I have 2 more small things to get for Christmas which I may run out for today, then I am done with shopping (the wrapping comes next). Five days to Christmas

Thats it for today. Have a safe and healthy Monday!

Weight is back down in to the safe range, but just barely.

Taking my pop to an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon today to recheck his finger. Hopefully, he'll get a clean bill and we can be done with that trauma! Black fingers are worrisome!

Talked with my brother. We are in agreement that we need to get Pops into some type of assisted living situation within the next several months. His personality seems to be changing and his chipper attitude seems unnatural. It's weird. He asked about the pups this morning and it seemed so forced, but like he was trying to connect. I wonder if he feels himself slipping? Liz, any insight?

Watching this is breaking my heart. I quietly wish for a cardiac/cerebral event in his sleep that would take him, but his ticker is strong. I don't mean that to be cruel, I feel that way because I hate seeing him lose his cognitive abilities. It's just awful. When my aunt started going downhill, it was far less bothersome for me. She was never an academic or "thinker" per se. I also liked that when she hit the early stage of dementia she forgot she was an alcoholic and stopped drinking. That was a miracle! Not being drunk from 3 pm on made her much easier for me to handle, too.

My shopping is almost done. Not quite. Thanks for the reminder, Liz. You are one of those people whose organizational abilities impress me. My organizational goals fell a bit short yesterday. Not everything got crossed off my short list, but I did manage to make a delicious homemade beef stew for dinner. It felt really nice to cook and eat a healthy, wholesome meal on a chilly night. I also got some dog chores done and had a relaxing "rest" day.

Off to feed dogs and fetch my dad! Happy Christmas Week to all!

Your Dad's overly cheery manner could be him compensating or just losing filters. Paul was definitely more cheerful and friendly as his dementia progressed ****il the last 18 months where he could be both more cheerful or more combative depending on what he understood about what was transpiring).

And having gone through cancer with DD, congestive heart failure with my mother and dementia with DH, I would choose sudden death while asleep over all other!

My aunt who spent her whole life filterless and slinging insults at anyone in a 20 foot radius, became incredibly nice and loving in her last years of dementia.

The wind chill was just above freezing here today !! Today, I got an annual passport to state parks where I am. I believe I have found an apartment, and there is a beautiful state park near by that Sadie loves ! I have had to increase Sadie's food from 1 cup twice a day, to 1 1/2 cups twice a day. She went from 95 (way too much) to 83 on her annual physical ! She is just about right now, but is so much more active, as am I. I also joined a local health facility where I can do classes like Zumba, water aerobics, and lap swimming. You have to reserve lanes in advance to swim, and they limit it to one person a lane. As long as I can make it through Zumba wearing a mask, I've got this !! Continuing to seek serenity and a new normal.

Plan to be more present here !

I need to get some of your activity level (and reduce the snacking!). It sounds like you are moving steadily to a good place.

Liz, wonderful that your cardiologist offered encouragement on your blood pressure. I hope the echocardiogram is also encouraging.

Not only do I wish a quick cardio event for my loved ones as they sleep, I hope it for myself too when my time comes. Death and how we die is so mysterious. I don't know why some of us linger for so long, and others are gone in an instance...

Diane, it is good to hear the determination in your words as you map out a peaceful, meaningful new life.

My housecleaning service was such a bust. They were pretty bad, and didn't clean even as well as I usually do, and I am no housekeeper. When they were getting ready to leave I said don't you mop the floors? She said she forgot her steam mop, but if I wanted her to come back, she would come and do the floors later this week. I asked for some of the fee back instead. The money is one thing, but the bigger issue was not having my house look shiny clean. I don't treat myself to a cleaning service very often. Disappointing, and now I need to finish the job.

A lot of absences today at school. Tomorrow could be even more missing. One more day, and winter break, here I come!

That stinks that the cleaning service was so bad. I have had pretty good luck with my housecleaning people over the years, though some have definitely even more thorough than others. Floor washing and vacuuming has always been absolutely part of the service though. And not necessarily with a steam cleaner.