Thursday December 9, 2021

Today is our day "off" between company. Originally we thought we would grab some sort of tapas out but ended up meeting friends of Mike for dinner last night. They are a couple just a bit younger than us who used to work for Mike. He has kept touch with them over the years and they have a place in the same town we are in here.

I need to make a follow-up call on something the government was supposed to do but didn't yet, do some light dusting, clean the guest bathroom and pick up a few things for our next guests at the food store. And maybe go to the beach or pool for a bit as it is very summer-like and sunny today.

Have a safe and healthy Thursday!

We talked yesterday and he apologized profusely. Why do my words escape me when I need them most? I can be articulate, but never when it involves tell people how I feel or how they've upset me. I was able to get out that he made me very uncomfortable and I don't want him to contact me when he's had too much to drink. And he volunteered that he needs to take a look at his drinking habits. I agreed that it seems like a problem and isn't good for him. The only part I didn't get out specifically is I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I need to take an assertiveness training for dummies class.

Today is therapy, and my lack of assertiveness and inability to articulate how I'm feeling in an emotional moment can be a topic of discussion. Tonight is my knitting group that doesn't knit Christmas potluck, so I need to make a dish for that and wrap my gift exchange present. It's drizzling here - always welcome in southern Cal.

Hope you all enjoy your days!

I think bring assertive in social situations is so much harder than other worlds (like work or with service people). Maybe because we are sub-consciously worrying that there may be ramifications which we aren't fully aware of?

You?re so right! I was a great people manager and could have all sorts of uncomfortable conversations with people I worked with, but with people in my life (parents, friends, this guy) I lose all my communication skills when it's about feelings.

One strategy that has helped me in that particular realm is learning to become an observer and reporter. It is hard to master and sometimes I don't manage it very well, but IF I take the time to sit and reflect back on how a situation felt, my gut reaction, my discomfort level, and labeling the overall emotion caused by the situation, then I can "report" back to the person (usually Ron) how I felt, what I didn't like, and what I need instead.

What I hope you realize is that you, like I, are changing your own rules. At one point in your life, I do believe you would have tolerated this type of male behavior. However, you are far enough along the path of your journey that you recognize that his behavior is intolerable, incompatible, and too dysfunctional and that you deserve far more from someone with whom you choose to partner.

Hard night in Puppyland. They were a little restless and hungry. Liza bailed on them sometime around 2 or 3, so by 6 am on little guy was really hungry and crying for his mama. Like all tired mamas, Liza turned a deaf ear and relied on her human to take care of the babes. Well, I did until I realized that nothing was going to work except eating. At that point I got her back in the box, much to her chagrin for a forced morning nursing session. I let the pups nurse for about 30 minutes and then left my supervision post to get ready for school.

I have my first PT session today. I'm also pleased to report that today is the first day since mid September that I am not using a knee brace. The brace has caused quite a rash on the back of my knee and I just can't deal with it anymore. Luckily, the lack of the brace isn't negatively impacting mobility this morning. Yeah for progress.

Food/Eating - maintaining at the very high end of my range right now. I seriously need to get more protein in my days. That would help me a lot on several levels.

My favorite quote of late: "Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do, not a punishment for what you ate."

Great quote!

So the rumor mill at school has quieted a bit, although there are students who still believe that there was a gun in the school this week.

I don't know if it was the charged atmosphere at work, or just life, but last night I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs, for the first time in years. I was taking in what I think was a 3rd big breath to let lose another shriek when DH was able to wake me up all the way. I dreamt I was surrounded by stacks of oozing, decomposing bodies, and that a group of people were coming to grab me and cut me up into pieces. Hmmm. Drama. Also, metaphors.

My chili was a great lunch and left me satisfied taste wise. I had a protein shake for snack, and that was also filling. When it's time to have a snack, if I can convince myself to choose the shake over something more tasty (even if it's healthy) I do feel better for it.

Oh jeez, DD, that sounds like a horrible dream!

OMG - what a nightmare!