Friday, October 22, 2021

I loved DD's post from last evening about deserving more...

Life continues to throw bowling balls at my family! My dad's wife was working out in our gym and fell breaking her wrist and ankle. She'll have surgery on both this afternoon and spent the night in the hospital. So neither my dad nor she can go to my aunt's funeral. I am debating now whether just to rent a car and drive down instead of flying as a private plane just for me seems excessive. Plus wrangling all my bags alone on the back end... this way I can leave some in the car.

I hung out with MI guy at the (cute) local bar last night at his invitation. He bought me dinner. We had a really nice time. We were talking to a friend of his there who asked me how old I was. I answered and MI guy said, I was wondering but was too afraid to ask. So that cat is out of the bag. He didn't say anything about it one way or the other, but asked when my "big" birthday was and what I was doing for it.

Did I mention my folks bought me a 4 pound jar of Peanut M&Ms at Costco because they know I love them? I made it 24 hours before I opened it, but it's a dangerous thing to have around. I calculated the calories - 8,680. It's at least out of sight in the cupboard now.

In the 40s today and raining, but just had a beautiful rainbow. Hope you all have lovely days!

Wow! 4 pounds of LOTS of yummy calories. So sorry to hear about your stepmother. They really have been through a lot. They are so lucky to have you helping them.

I am down a pound since Wednesday so that made me feel good. I need to not step on the scale too often though while trying to lose. The ups always kill me.

Yes, much powerful stuff yesterday and DD saying that she deserved more certainly resonated. My family had some big losses stacked together and as a result my mother was a verbally abusive drunk while I was in my teens. I escaped by getting pregnant and began my big lifetime gaining/losing cycles after that. And I agree that I deserved better which is why I vowed to try as hard as I could with my younger children after my eldest DD died. I hope I somewhat succeeded.

Today we are having a somewhat late start as the car needed something first thing this morning, but we did our usual walk and are going to the beach this afternoon. Muggy weather has returned after a week of delightfully dry days so we will sit by the ocean vs. at the pool. Tonight we are going to do Happy Hour at the clubhouse again as we met quite a few people last week. This trying to make friends is a lot of work, LOL.

A couple of good news items this week. DS hadn't worked since March 2020 due to Covid though he has been in a cyber security certification program at a local college. He got a 30 hour a job he can fit around his coursework at a biotech firm on Cape Cod. I had been worried a bit that he had forgotten his previous work ethic... And youngest DD who had been job-searching due to an untenable relationship with her boss had a mentor at her company reach out to her to say that they were opening up a new position for her under a different manager. It isn't a promotion but the money is actually better so at least it relieves her current angst.

Not much more to say except I am thinking about Ocean Diane and hoping that she can end up in a relaxed, happy state of mind.

Have a safe and healthy Friday!

Liz, I think its amazing the type of live you created for yourself and your family. You too have endured many losses, but chose a different way to live than your mother did.

Liz, your pound found me! LOL! Has your DS decided to no longer be in the restaurant industry? It's a tough life being a chef. I can understand the want for a different career.

I read DD's late post this morning. WOW! My shrink said those exact words to me, "You deserved better." It is a hard concept to grasp, because like DD I didn't have classically abusive parents. They did what they thought was best, but my mom did do some mean and cruel things that have stuck with me and colored my adult life. I have only recently started to grapple with the things she "taught" me and how those lessons negatively influenced my life. Letting go is hard.

I am upset with my contractor. After being AWOL for weeks, he showed up to finish and settle the account. I told him I needed to transfer money, so I would send him a check. I should have stuck to my guns. Instead I allowed myself to be talked into writing a check. I post dated it to October 25 and he swore he wouldn't even be able to deposit it until he came back from his family vacation. ******* deposited the check, it went through and I didn't have the funds in the account because the transfer won't go through until Monday. UGH.... Now I'm up a creek for the weekend. I'm really upset with him because I trusted him to be a man of integrity. Live and learn.... Nothing that won't be solved by Monday, but it's the point. The stress this morning made me want to eat! I did not, but I wanted to.

More food related stuff: Ceci got M&Ms. I got fresh home baked Pumpkin Bread with semi sweet chocolate chips. Ron got the baking bug last night. Not gonna lie - it was delish! But certainly not what I needed to have in the house.

I am behind on prepping Goat v2.0. Probably won't pull in to the show grounds until after dark. Boooooo! But, I can finish set up in the morning, if needed.

Just found out we have puppies in the oven! Due Thanksgiving-ish. Looks like 10+ pups are on the way.

DS is trying to leave the restaurant industry. He still loves to cook but the hours and some of the co-workers make it a difficult profession. Hence the new training. He has a bachelors degree in culinary arts whi*****luded the basics in most bachelor programs so he says he just needs technical skills. I hope he can find something he enjoys. He has said part of his motivation is that he would like to find a life partner and have a family which working as a chef would make a challenge.

Boo to the jerky contractor, and yeah for puppies!

Interesting that most of us seemed to have had a difficult childhood in some ways which must have started our using food to self-soothe?

I definitely think that struggles with food and/or alcohol are attempts to meet needs that aren't otherwise being met.

I have to admit to some resentment today. My dad is so upset about his wife, was teary talking about her getting onto the gurney, sitting at the hospital for hours, buying home health care items and setting them up. My dad didn't call after mine. My friend called him when she heard I was done. I was alone after a 12 hour surgery. No one waiting for me. Transferred to a rehab facility with no one visiting for 5 days. My friends stepped up in a huge I can never repay, but it wasn't their job. He didn't seem to care this much about me. I felt the anger welling up while he was giving me the gurney transfer play by play and I nearly lashed out (my inner voice was snapping, must be nice to have someone be there for you...). Yes, we all deserve more.

You absolutely do deserve more and I am glad your friends see that. Strange that your Dad is like that? Maybe something he learned from his family growing up?