Monday, October 18, 2021

Food was on plan yesterday! I am feeling good about eating right without tracking. We will see if I still feel that way after I weigh on Wednesday. Since I am trying to be back in weight loss mode I have decided to go back to once a week weigh-ins.

Another insomnia night. I assessed why at around 1 or 2 in the morning and realized that I felt anxious though I am not sure why. Possibly because I was considering a 3 day trip home for my great-nephews first birthday party. I could do it but the stress of the travel seems to be more than I want to deal with? I need to think about it.

Nothing definitive on the radar today though we have a neighborhood pool party at 5 so we have to go to the store to get what we need to make an appetizer. I am making a black bean and salsa dip that we really love but is right on plan. The weather is still a bit windier and cooler than it has been so walking this morning should be pleasant.

Oh, and the friend who suffered a cardiac arrest in July is recovered enough to go to Florida at the end of this month. He already has an appointment with a cardiologist here to follow him. For the month he was in the hospital he kept repeating that he wanted to go to Florida. The environment here is perfect for his recuperation so I am very happy for him. Nobody knows what the future will bring but at least he will be in his favorite place.

Have a safe and healthy Monday!

Weird unexplained weight loss in spite of the huge amounts of Peanut M&Ms I've consumed of late. I'm at 186.4 which is where I was after I got back from the UK and about what I was at the start of summer. I'll take it!

7 mile hike at Sleeping Bear yesterday. Such a beautiful day, but once again I think I'm going to miss the peak changing colors here even though it's the latest I've stayed. It's just been very warm.

I continue to dig the hole deeper for myself with MI guy. Lord, I don't know what I'm doing. He invited me to hang out with his friends at their house night before last. I surprised myself and him by agreeing.

His friend Nicole has kids, one of them a 9 year old girl who kept asking Uncle Andy if I was his girlfriend. He just sputtered and I kept my mouth shut as my inner embarrassed pre-teenager wanted to yell No. Then she told her brothers I was and wanted to take pictures to show "everyone." Uh, no! I loved his friend as we were like social anxiety soul sisters (he had made a comment that he was really glad I came as he knew I wasn't comfortable around strangers, queue social anxiety conversation as she and I both admitted to all the same fears. She hugged me when I left and made me promise not to pick apart everything I said/did that night and she wouldn't either - so sweet and hit deep how much she understood!). He went outside at one point and she confided that he's super anxious too and she mimed how he constantly adjusts his baseball cap and touches his hair (he's twitchy).

So since I had hugged everyone else goodbye, I thought what the hell and hugged MI guy when he walked me to my car. He texted last night that the 9 year old was spying and "saw us kissing on the bridge and it's all over town". I replied that she needed her eyes checked and we joked a bit about he her grainy "kiss" paparazzi pictures showing up in the town paper. I figured that was the mature response to 9 year old gossip, but it gave me that blood draining out of my face feeling. It brings up real issues of life in a tiny town. Your business is everyone's business and I HATE the idea of being talked about. I'm insanely private and feel extra uncomfortable with relationship discussions. I still don't know what I want. Or if I'm even attracted to him. And I can't read him at all when that's usually one of my strengths and that leaves me very unbalanced. We're both so passive/awkward that it's like repelling magnets. And I'm leaving in a week. My dad has lots of questions I've completely deflected, which could bite me in the butt if the town is talking, especially as Claudia is lifelong friends with his parents. I just want to find my way without an audience. All very confusing. And we still haven't talked about what happened during Turkeygate. gahhhhh.

So I'm going to wal****il my brain shuts off. And maybe eat another bag of m&ms...

Oh wow, that's a lot of things to dissect for one informal gathering. I can see why your mind is spinning..

Some of my thoughts: 1. Awesome that you liked his friend. 2. However awkwardly he expresses it, you can assume he holds you in high regard, or why else would he bring you to his dear friends' house. 3. 9 years old is definitely old enough to understand that its not polite to make personal comments, especially to adults you've just met. 4. If there is any gossip (might not be any or much, the photos jokes might have been his way of feeling you out on this topic...) as you note, you're headed back to California, and you'll be "yesterday's news" .

My mind is an exhausting place to live. Spin is its only cycle!

DD has some good insight. And for what it's worth though the 9 year old was intrigued I don't think people talk that much about older peoples new "friends" (especially at the stage you guys seem to be in).

Liz, Florida just agrees with you! Eating right just makes everything better I think. Sorry about the insomnia, I hate it so much.

Last night I went to bed at 8:30am. Unheard of for me. I slept until 8am!!!!! So the opposite of insomnia.

I'm almost packed, everything except undergarments, and the cosmetics I'll be using still. Even have duplicates of my medications in the travel toiletries bag.

Today, some work from home, haircut, doctors appointment, pedicure. Tomorrow, 12 hour day, Wednesday, no students, just meetings, then off we go.

I am currently suffering through the new music teacher's lesson. Poor thing is 23 years old and still working on her credential. Her management is abysmal and her lesson construction is worse. Sad...

Hamilton.... glad I went. Now I can say I've seen it and discuss it with some intelligence, should it come up. I found the first act fairly unintelligible - both plot and delivery. The second act is far better than the first. I understood much of what was happening and was able to follow along. Did it live up to the hype for me? Not really. I get the appeal of using rap as a form for Musical Theater, but I found this particular production fell flat. Hamilton was like going out to dinner and spending a lot of money on a meal that was just "okay" and could have been had elsewhere for far less money.

Weekend eating.... I learned that I eat far fewer calories on the weekends than I do during the week. Hmmm.... I did not eat "well" yesterday, but my calories - even with dessert - were just over 1600. Today my planned eating is already 1000 calories for breakfast, snack and lunch.... I am interested to see where today's calories fall. It is challenging to write a "real" day down without censorship, but I'm doing it!

Ceci, God speed, love! God speed. Not an easy road you're walking right now. So many triggers and landmines. I feel for you. Do your best to not obsess on your words and actions.

Liz, sounds like you are doing great on your eating plan. Congrats. Always hard to get back on track, IMO.

DD, not going to lie, I'm a little jealous of your trip. Dog shows are fun, but not what I would call vacation. Believe me, I could use a little R&R!

Haha, I'm a little jealous of every trip anyone goes on, not in the why you, not me sort of jealous, but in the, I want to come along too! One of life's best moments is putting the key into the door of a new hotel room. I hope you do get a real vacation soon!

I think giving ourselves permission to not worry about a "plan" twice a week might be the key to making it work? Last night though I had wine at the pool party I ate on plan. I'm not sure I will be able to say the same about the Oktoberfest we are going to tomorrow night... But I am planning on weighing tomorrow.

That poor young teacher. Hopefully she can pick up the skills she needs quickly. I think some schools are better than others at preparing young people for real jobs. My DD is not a teacher but went to school for a business degree. They had many group projects and had to prepare and deliver presentations that were very much like one would have to provide to management on the job including slides, etc. They even had to get dressed up for the presentations. DD has done many at her job and uses the tools she learned in school all the time.