Saturday October 16, 2021

Me too!!!!!!!'

Did someone say Peanut M&Ms???

The family birthday planning has morphed yet again. The guest of honor, is my 80 year old mother, who is on supplemental oxygen and experiencing a lot of pain from failed back fusions and now, possible metastasized lesion in her femur (That's a whole other story). So we've gone from going out to lunch and cake, (with multiple restaurants selected then discarded) to this morning my brother and his wife have a new plan.

The same people who told me they didn't care what we did, just 10 days ago. They want to rent a town hall party room, and have a family party. A surprise party. My Mom never once suggested this, so I asked, are you sure Mom would want this? What if she doesn't feel good that day? Neither of these things concern him, something about Mom will just have to like it.

I laid out my boundaries. I can't cook anything, but I can buy some stuff. If I am buying anything, I need to know this weekend, since I will be out of town next weekend. I can come early and help set up on Saturday, and clean up. I will leave no later than 5pm. Right now they are texting me asking me for various phone numbers of relatives. ... they won't know if the party room is available to rent until Monday. I am going shopping and everything else I planned this weekend. God speed party planners, and peace out.

That would make me CRAZY. Major kudos for setting boundaries! It drives me nuts when no one can come up with a plan until I make a decision and then they shoot it to hell and want to do something entirely different and more difficult. I suppose it gives them a feeling of control, power over the original decider, and a "hero" complex "saving" the day in their twisted minds. Quadruple bad when the recipient of the event might not even enjoy it!

Oh boy - maybe someone needs to ask Mom what she would like???? Big celebrations can be more exhausting than enjoyable for someone where your Mom is. Is this party for your brother of her? Just asking as I have been there with eldest DD and DH.

In my youth I would have got all wound up about my brother not behaving toward my parents the way I thought he should and them not requiring him to do the things he should, and then I went to therapy. So now I figure this is the relationship they built, so its the one they want, right? To be fair, I'm sure my brother is doing this from a place of good intentions. And maybe my Mom will love it. But yes, I don't like deciding what someone will want, I prefer to ask. I know 2 years ago my Mom did not want an extended family party for their 60th wedding anniversary party. When I was planning it, she told me that several times. Hopefully shell feel different about this ...

You are right of course - not for you to try to unravel. Hopefully your brother spends the time to understand what your Mom wants.

BTW, DS really wanted a big party for his Dad's last birthday (1.5 months before he died). I think we all had a feeling that it would be the last one. DH didn't do well with it but the people who came loved seeing him for what ended up being their last time.

I like your step back approach! I'm not sure a surprise party is a great idea - given you mom's health, but not my call....

I know my dad preferred small family gatherings once he hit about 85 and he was in perfect health. Now, at 92 that's all he's really willing to handle. Even then, he's still pretty quiet.

Greetings All

Not much new. Our football team blew it again. Hopeless.

Scrambled eggs so far today. I had forgotten how good they can be - following BB's cooking instructions which is low heat. I have not eaten much today and so I am HUNGRY! Even thinking of tuna salad.

DD I am with you on the party. Seems like those with all the ideas are of no use on the execution. Ditto concerns of the surprise. Its basically hijacking the event and making it about what others want. Interesting gifts are enough surprise for an older person. We had a party for my mom on her 90th. Lots of people and a band. I think she had fun but it was not a surprise (except that she maybe forgot we were doing it). Some one brought a big giant thing to blow bubbles with and that was a big hit.

Peps loved the video of you showing the cairn. You know I used to have them. Wonderful dogs. Glad you are researching the revision. Recording what you eat is a super important step to any kind of eating control or plan. I think I stopped tracking because I didn't want to write down wine and things got sloppy after that.

Old dog Chip is not doing well. He kept barking as us last night for no reason. I think he just wanted attention. I fed him lots of small treats and a bit of CBD to settle him. What he may really want is just to go to bed with me next to him. He is approaching age 15.

And DD, I am having major anxiety about our Halloween event because our house is so trashed and I can't move and lift much due to Das Boot. But at least I got some papers cleared up today and gallery sales tax prepared.. We are having a fight about who broke the toilet and was it really broken. Jeez.

Yep Cecily your MI guy might be a bit asbergers. The main thing is do you like hanging around with him or not.

I keep getting statements from this one financial place that my mom had some investments. I closed it all out but somehow there is a balance of 13 cents and they send me a six page statement to tell me about it.

Tee Hee Liz old guy biker bar. Sounds like a great place.

Tomorrows mission is to buy chicken livers for pate. A friend is coming for a visit and she loves the stuff. Me too.

Take care all. Diane S

Diane, is there a service you could hire that could come and you point and say, move that here, or throw that away? Would that be too much for your DH? Or a short term solution, just buy some matching stacking bins, fill em up, and stack them in a different room or in the corner. You might need to hire help to move those bins around. It is NOT the way to deal with excess stuff for the long haul, but it gets it out of the way somewhat, and the person who can't let stuff go doesn't have an anxiety attack. If you can push the stuff back somehow, treat yourself to a cleaning service too.