Saturday October 16, 2021

Exactly 2 months until we go home for Christmas. That seems weird.

We went to Happy Hour here last night and met several people. Nice group and one couple lives on our street. I ate stuff not on my meal plan for dinner, but didn't eat much of it and it fits in our 2 meals out a week plan. Mike will probably eat the leftovers tomorrow so I won't be tempted (it has pasta in it).

Today we are going to our favorite biker bar for music. It is an outdoor venue where many of the people have Harleys, but are almost all over 65 with white hair (and ponytails LOL). Tonight we will go for our second meal to our favorite place on the water but I will probably just have a wedge salad. They have a great one - not super low calories but tasty!

Have a safe and healthy Saturday!

The wind is howling and we won't see much more than 54 today. But it's a beautiful fall day.

I walked 6 miles yesterday and we went for pizza at the local inn (it closes for the season this weekend). Not sure what I'm doing today, but it will likely include a walk in windbreaker.

I must admit to continuing to be sucked in by MI guy. He randomly texts me, which feeds my need to be liked, and then abruptly stops mid-conversation not to start again until the next random text a day or two later which drives me insane and feeds my anxiety that I've said the wrong thing. Apparently I learned nothing from Turkeygate...

Thursday out of the blue he asked what I was doing that afternoon. I had no plans and asked if he wanted to do something? He then said he had to help a family member, but would text me when he was done, then I heard nothing until 9pm. He had a decent excuse at that point, but would it have been hard to let me know he wasn't going to be free after all so I could not wonder? I didn't wonder for the whole 8 hours, I wondered for a few hours, then realized this is what he does and got irked. And I don't know that I am even attracted to him, but the lack of male attention in my life has made me willing to see his attention as special when it's not. Like my romantic life is on schedule with a brood of cicadas and if I don't try now, it'll be another decade before someone else shows any interest (if you can call this interest). I don't think seeing my therapist again can come soon enough!

Anyway, I should go get dressed. Hope you all have nice days!

Oh boy - yes, it is a good idea to sort this out with your therapist. I have to say that he doesn't seem to be very good at thinking about someone else's feelings.

Senior biker bar, I love it! Hope the music is good and makes you want to dance on the table.

Cecily, there is a lot to digest here. Is MI guy deliberately stringing you along, or is he socially inept? I think intention is the question here. If he is about keeping you off balance, then he's not someone to give your time to. But if its not intentional, if he is socially impaired (Aspergers?), it's irritating, but maybe more tolerable? Regardless though, if his friendship gives more negative feelings than positive, you need to do what's best for you.

Had a good nights sleep. I woke up around 5am to go to the bathroom, and it was such a delicious feeling to get back in bed knowing I could go back to sleep, which I promptly did.

I might go shopping for a bit, I feel like I need a new top or two for New Orleans. Which isn't really true, I certainly have enough suitable things to wear for 5 days...

We have still have not had a freeze. Another task I'd like to do is dig up some of my herbs (basil, rosemary etc) and bring them in the house. it would seem I need to buy potting soil instead of new clothes :)

Sleep and shopping! Always good for one's spirits!

I just bought some white slacks online. I have white jeans but they are NOT ALLOWED in the club because there is no denim LOL. Cracks me up sort of.

I hadn't thought something like Aspergers, but now that you mention it, it wouldn't surprise me if that was a factor, but very high functioning. Or maybe ADHD? (always in motion, doesn't seem to relax in the moment, the abrupt stops in communication, which are maybe distraction). At the very least he's socially awkward, but I am too in my own way, so it didn't strike me as that unusual at first. He's a nice guy, I just don't know how to handle him as he doesn't seem to follow the social rules so to speak. And I am all about rule following.

I'm jealous of your trip to New Orleans! I've never been. I hope it's just what you need.

Our teacher minds think alike! I have been thinking high functioning on the autism spectrum, too! Would also explain mom writing the rent checks, lack of social decorum, and clear lack of empathy.

Travel weight is gone... That didn't take too long at all.

The depression seems to have been kicked to the curb. I am actually quite pleased with myself for the process I went through over the past two weeks to get through this little bump in the road. I did a load of research on revision surgeries - the good, the bad, and the very ugly. I reached out to my bariatric MD and had a very good email back and forth with her yesterday. The best part of it was that she point blank told me that no matter what I decided to do she wanted to follow my progress - especially if I revise. She gave me information that really put things into perspective for me. At this point in time I am putting aside the idea of a surgical revision. For me the risks outweigh the benefits.

So, the next couple of days I'm going to do something people like me don't do: I'm going to track 'normal' eating. For people like me, tracking itself is a trigger because I don't want to write down less stellar eating. I mean, who in our group wants to log a dish of ice cream or two packs of peanut M&Ms, or 17 dark chocolate kisses over a day, or the bag of chips, or....? Not I!!!!! For me, logging traditionally means 'dieting'.

Yet, I need to get a baseline on how many calories I eat to keep myself in this maintenance range. Then I can start to figure out how high I can keep the calories and still lose weight at a decent clip. Anyhow, that's my plan.

Today I will get my public stamp of aging. I am getting fit for my hearing aids and will get to start wearing them. They are fancy things! I will control them through my phone. Apparently, they will even bluetooth to my phone so I can listen to music, answer the phone and listen to audio books all on the hearing aids. Talk about fancy ear buds!

Have a dog to trim today, too. But mostly, I'm concentrating on moving forward on navigating the eating disorder in this next stage. Fun times!

The issues that arise with tracking: writing down everything without self judgement, that would be some radical self love. I can do it once in awhile as I try to convince myself it's data, and nothing more. But a life of trying to game the system with tracking and also with weighing (how many people arrived at WW with an empty stomach) is hard to undo. But so worth addressing ...

I would arrive to a morning WW meeting without having had an ounce of water or coffee and having forced myself to pee the very last drop from my bladder! Then to reward myself I would go out for lunch! So, so logical... LOL!