Thursday, October 14, 2021

Another good day yesterday on quality eating though I did have an extra snack late at night - but it was a healthy one. I do feel like my shorts which were feeling a bit tight have loosened a bit. First week water weight, I know, but I will take it.

I am still having bouts of insomnia though. Not as bad as around our travels but I only got 5-6 hours of sleep last night. I have always been a person who needs 8 good hours of sleep. When I worked I could manage on 6, but less than that and I could feel my performance degrading.

It is much easier to establish a routine now after living together for the last 6 months or so. We are getting use to sharing the cooking more but we are figuring it out.

Today will be another beach club day for a while then we will probably go to the driving range. Time to get back to that!

Have a safe and healthy Thursday!

After a phone call and talking to a nurse in the office, I have heard back from my bariatric MD (not surgeon). In under a 1000 characters, I tried to explain my lot. Pretty rough to do in so few words - especially for the teacher in me! LOL! I am hoping she replies today.

Between my knee and my weight I am feeling beat up. I know the weight it is a "my thing" - a way that I think about myself. What bothers me is that with all the damn therapy I have had, I think I should be farther along in the process. I am particularly feeling low because I am admitting too, to people I respect and from whom I seek approval (doctor, surgeon...) that even with the help of a powerful tool like the sleeve, I have been unable to maintain my weight in a healthy range. I am, at least, being open about my thinking with my shrink and NUT. They, naturally, want me to continue with the "thinking" work, which I will, no matter what. I think it is interesting how some people think that it must be one or the other (mindfulness vs. surgery) and that the two don't work in concert.

Student teacher is doing his take over days today and tomorrow. Nice to have some time to get some planning and prep done.

That is interesting! I'm not sure one works without the other...

I think most of the bariatric medicals believe that the "headwork" must be done in concert with surgery. It's the therapists who seem to be a bit anti surgery. It's like they see obesity only from the emotional angle. My NUT asked me if I would be okay losing 30 pounds because that may be all I can lose by making doable eating changes without "dieting". Hmmmmmm

Now that I think back, my therapist wasn't super convinced either about surgery. She's very Woo, into naturopathic remedies etc. I think she's come around though.

Why wouldn't you throw every tool in the toolbox at it? Why ignore the hammer just because you like using a screw driver?

A sleeve is a powerful tool, but maybe yours was not created as powerfully as it could have been? Maybe your post surgery struggles are because your surgeon operated without the benefit of research and outcomes that came a few years later? Maybe you have a tool, but not as fine tuned of a tool that people who surgery later have?

I do know that my sleeve is not as small as it could have been. My surgeon was a firm believer in using a 40F bougie. He also believed people should be able to eat somewhat normal sized portions down the road. So, couple that with a long stomach, my sleeve is probably larger than most. I attribute most of my post surgery struggles to my emotional struggles more than the sleeve. I have an eating disorder that I didn't understand one iota before my VSG. I also have a horrible body image - absolutely horrible. I was told early on just how "wrong" I was from the people who should have been my champions. Add on top of that the crap my mom laid on me about my lack of effort in school (not right that I didn't have to work to get good grades, while my brother was so studious), my talents and passions being misdirected (I don't know why you focus on singing. You're a much better actor.), and my looks (One would think that with parents as good looking as you have, you would have turned out a little better.) I never ever felt quite good enough. I can remember being still above normal BMI after surgery, wearing 30 inch waist jeans, and wanting a medical person to just tell me it was okay to not be a normal BMI and they all danced around the subject. It was a crazy maker that made me feel deep down once again like I didn't quite measure up. There was logic around that thinking. I know that, but those ingrained patterns can be a real ***** to break away from.....

So, all that to say, I think my sleeve would have been sufficient IF I had understood better the depth of my eating disorder and all teh emotional garbage I was carrying that led to my obesity.

What I'm searching for now is another assist to get me back to a healthy weight. I believe i have found the procedure I would like to have, but we will see. It's called the SIPS (Stomach Intestinal Pylorus Sparing) Surgery. It's a very modified DS - more like a bypass with a sleeve. It would add a malabsorption component to the VSG and is a becoming the go to surgery for VSG revision. Insurance does not yet cover it, so I would have to be self pay, unless my Bariatric center approves it. If my center approves it, they will pay for it where ever I need to have it done, if they can't do it. Not holding my breath for that though!

There is a lot to unpack here. I'd say that even though you feel stuck on the same tapes, your ability to speak truth says you have come along way from where all this started.

Greetings all

Sunny day here in la la land. We managed a trip to costco yesterday to get flu shots and shop. Clomping around in Das Boot is made easier by having a large shopping cart. Lordy they make it complicated to get a flu shot - I think I had to sign about 6 things. Costco was fairly calm and I think I could manage it for the Halloween festivities so thats the plan. Serve all costs food to the friends. Now I just need an earth mover to clear junk out of the living room.

We are invited to a lunch next week at a fancy private club called the Ingomar Club. In memory of a friend who died a few months ago. Do a Google search on the Carson Mansion. Its worth a look. Looks like the Adams family house. I have never been inside the place. Need to get something to wear. Costco does not have much of a selection for ladies who lunch.

Yeah Peps being heavy hurts. Hurts me now at age 70 when its hard to move around. The more I hurt the less I move and it just gets worse. Good on you for checking with bariatric doctor. Glad you have a student teacher.

Studio time planned today as I need to glaze for the kiln firing tomorrow. The maybe gallery banking if I can clomp my way into the place. Old sidewalk has lots of uneven areas. I am supposed to be getting a handicap temp card but who knows when.

Trash day is today so Wed night is always clean out old crap from the refrigerator night. So out go the old rotten veggies I purchased with good intentions. Then I will get new ones to rot. Cycle of life.

Take care all.

Diane S

I do the veggie fridge "composting" too!