Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Well, in small victories, I just poured the remaining chips from the party down the garbage disposal. I think I can resist other leftovers, but chips are my nemesis. The struggle is real.

Totally understand the small victory! Chips are not my nemesis, but cookies and other baked treats certainly are, as is chocolate. We have a big bag of those little bags of chips that moms put in kids lunches. Those will sit untouched and go stale in our house. But cookies.... Ron likes to say, "We'll be lucky if those aren't gone by morning!"

Today is the last day of preparation work before kids return to school tomorrow. We had an online keynote speaker this year at our district back to school event. The focus of the keynote was about equity and going deeper to understand the subtle differences between equity, equality, and justice. It was a very difficult keynote for me because it pointed out for me how UNequal my teaching life as a teacher is compared to most of the teachers in my district. We were working at our own sites for the keynote and after a quick head count I did the math. Males represented a mere 7% of the people in attendance. And that is just the surface of it... I spent some time talking about it in therapy.

Speaking of therapy.... Other memories are coming up which are helping me understand that I really did endure abuse as a child, teen and young man. Most of it was emotional, but there was some physical stuff, too. Interesting how what needs to be revealed is revealed at the appropriate time. Our brains really do do their best to protect us.

Weight continues to be the lowest it has been in 2 years. Hoping to keep up with that trend. Time will tell.

I often think about how many women teachers my male students have. Or students whose fathers are not part of their lives. Thank heavens some of them get to have a good man like you in their lives. Do students ever ask or understand that your partner is a man? Just wondering what that kind of representation does for both the LGBTQ kid, and the straight kid.

At one conference I went to, I learned that if a black student has ONE black teacher, at any time in their school career, they are 30% less likely to drop out. Representation matters.

When I was uncovering my traumas, and my therapist was giving them a name (abuse), I would literally be trembling in the waiting room. Telling secrets is hard at any age. (I was 30). If I ever think to minimize what happened to me, I remember the shaking and trembling. Bodies don't react like that over nothing.

Still steamy here! Another inch of rain last night and more tonight. But today has been sunny.

Funny, DD, I tossed out a perfectly good half full tub of crunchy peanut butter and a bag of pretzels that were from the cookies I made. I was pouring the pretzels into the PB and eating it with a spoon. Terrible and delish. Better to be in the trash.

Tonight is the Harry Connick concert. My dad's wife threw her back out so it's just me and my dad. Prediction: he (not being a music person) will assume an attitude of martyrdom on my behalf and we will leave early. I have seen this movie before (Fleetwood Mac in the 90s when my friend eloped and left me with tickets and I couldn't find anyone other than my dad to go with) and know how it ends, but throwing out nearly $300 in tickets makes me cringe.

Yesterday was spent trying to figure out the complex world of Covid testing when traveling internationally. I have to be tested within 3 days of leaving (Walgreens can do it) and 3 days of coming back (these tests I have ordered and part of the cost is a Zoom call with a health professional watching you administer the test). I am still unclear if I also need a test in the UK on days 2 and 8. I suppose I was due, not having needed to be tested for Covid yet. There are multiple apps that need to be downloaded, vaccine records to be uploaded, addresses of my stay and seat locations on planes to be provided to the UK. It's a good thing I love my friend!

Anyway, sending love to all the tribe! Off to make dinner.

Tossing food is my best tool, but I've become more reluctant to do it lately. I need to get back into the habit. No matter what it cost, the cost of weight gain is more.

Fleetwood Mac! I would have loved that concert. I hope your Dad is a good sport at the concert and you don't leave early.

I would go with you in a nana second! Wish I could, too! I love Harry Connick!

I threw some chips away too today! But I did eat some leftover risotto at lunch... Tonight I think I am having my leftovers from the wedding. So some wins, some losses.

My swollen ankles are bothering me - I really don't like it. They were bad again yesterday though they are back down quite a bit today. They are making me worry that there is more going on than the medication though I know it commonly causes it.

Speaking of cardiovascular issues, my friend was able to handle the placement of 6 stents yesterday and they were going to do 2 more today. So he still has some strength in him! If he is still as strong tomorrow he will potentially be transferred to a rehab near his home in NH. His wife has remained in NH since Friday so my son drove 3 hours up this morning to return their car and got a ride back home (another 3 hours) with our friend's brother. The wife is getting more overwhelmed and has been avoid dealing with things the last few days. I hope she is able to resurrect some strength when he is ready to go home.

Devon, I am glad you are getting some insight into your suppressed memories and that doing so helps you. I think you have made some great strides this year.

Have a safe and healthy evening!