Tuesday, May 11, 2021

We are home! DS has been really good so far and it is great to see him and eldest DD. A full house for Mike to have to enter though!

I can't find anything and my car is showing a weird reading on tire pressure (tires are only 11 months old, driven on for 5 months). But it is sunny and the leaves are coming out in the trees. I think this is probably the perfect week to return to the good part of spring (not the rainy part).

Time to get more acclimated. Have a safe and healthy Tuesday!

Weight 186. Okay eating and 2 mile walk

Here is a weird phenomenon I don't think I've ever acknowledged to myself. When I've fallen off the wagon, I don't feel like I'm still at mile marker 100 (albeit laying in the dirt and pummeled from the fall), I feel like I'm back at mile marker 1. And the feeling is one of having ruined everything, which makes binging and other poor decisions much easier to make. I need to remind myself that while I may have fallen off, I'm not nearly back where I started, and a few good decisions can boost me back on rather than feeling like all hope is lost. I guess it's all or nothing thinking rather than moderation thinking. I've felt for weeks that I've lost my grip and that brings on feelings of hopelessness, more bad decisions, not weighing, etc. But in reality I'm less than 3 pounds up from the best weight I've been in 2 years and that doesn't spell hopeless or give up or I've ruined everything. So much of this is mental!

I admit that I was slightly re-motivated last night after a friend tagged me on FB in several pictures from the brunch this last weekend (I untagged them). I thought I looked great when I was there, but the pictures told a different story of someone who is still about 25 pounds more than she should be. Instead of being upset, I'm going to keep going and try to get back to the point where I don't cringe at pictures of myself. And I want to make this summer one where I don't gain weight in MI. I think if I have a better plan, break some ingrained food associations I have there, and get some help from my family I can make that happen.

Today I have having an early dinner with one of my friends I want to see before I leave. But now, more coffee...

Hope you all have a great day!

Hmmm..... just wanna point out that stinking thinking may be messing with you more than you think. You are in all practical purposes at a normal BMI at your current weight. Do you manage 160 pounds easily or is it hard to maintain? You are six feet tall! I can't imagine that 160 pounds for a six foot tall woman is easy to maintain. Just something to think about.

I do get where you're coming from! Lower is hard to maintain or at least harder for me to get to. But I am much happier with how I look there than here. Even 15 less wold look better. But I could be more accepting of the body I have now...

I think you hit the nail on the head when you say, "But I could be more accepting of the body I have now?" You live if friggin' Lala land which is plastered with billboards about WLS and Plastic surgery and dental improvement, etc... Appearance is paramount and appearing younger if you're a woman is an unwritten expectation among the upper class WASP world in the OC. You know that as well as I.

How about celebrating all that your body CAN do at this weight and how beautiful you are at this current weight? I know it's a total mind F*&k, but it sure is worth a try. It won't work every day, but you'll see the more you are able to applaud yourself, the more often it happens and the more you feel okay in your current skin.

Maybe instead of thinking 15-25 pounds, focus on a cushion that puts you solidly in the BMI range you prefer. If you lose only 10 more pounds, you would have a BMI of less than 24. (sorry had to go back and edit because I used one of the forbidden symbols that you can not use on OH - the less than sign! Using it wipes out everything you type after.... UGH!) Anyway, I was thinking that might be a happy medium for you.... a lower weight, easier to maintain, and not significantly higher enough to make a discernible difference to anyone but you!

Liz, so glad to hear it is a happy homecoming.

Maintenance, regain, losing regain, and oh yes the mental game. It's hard... I like to be happy. I'm getting older every day, I don't want to spend my autumn years filled with self recrimination. On the other hand, I want as much good health as I can muster so I have the freedom to enjoy what comes in the next 10 or 20 years. I lost a lot of possibilities because my fat prison made them physically difficult, if not outright impossible sometimes. I don't want to go back. Finding balance ....