Thursday, April 29, 2021

It sure sounds like all of us are struggling with food urges these days, each for differing reasons. Maintenance after WLS is slightly easier than previously, but as we all have found it doesn't save us from our urges. We need willpower and a plan on how to address our food cravings.

I had a great visit with the SILs over the last week and a half. I drive them to the airport at noon and Mike will likely be here by the time I get home. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I can't wait to see him.

I am actually planning on cooking something we can eat for a couple of nights between now and a week from now when we leave Florida. I believe I have only cooked perhaps 2-3 times since the first of the year. I'm going to make that pasta dish DD told us about, but with the modifications I thought of when I made it previously. The main change other than some quantity adjustments is adding artichoke hearts and cut up cooked chicken so it is a one-dish meal. So there will be pasta, but offset by protein.

Have a safe and healthy Thursday!

Weight 185.8, better. I managed to stick to my calories yesterday. Hallelujah!

Going to my rescheduled lunch today (friend who landed face first in the rose bush plus one other). I hate going out to eat when I only have one day of healthy eating under my belt. But there is no getting out of it.

I got retested for iron/ferritin and there has been some improvement. I have reached the bottom number of normal after 3 months of supplements. And I have new hair sprouts! Yay! Boo is that they make fixing my hair a challenge as they are like untamable baby chicken feathers...

The cleaning people come again today, so I have to tidy and get ready to go to lunch before they get here and then figure out what to do with myself for the hour in between them getting here and needing to pick up one of my friends. I'm so annoyed about lunch which is terrible when the purpose is to spend time with people you like!

That's not much, but all I have. Must go start shoving things in closets...

PS - I though this was interesting. Not only overweight and obese people at risk for severe Covid, but high normal BMIs too. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-9525677/Stud y-shows-potential-link-bodyweight-risk-severe-Covid-19.html

I wish there had been more encouragement and support for people over the last year to drop weight along with masks and distancing. We all know so well how that's easier said than done, but it could have helped a lot of people avoid serious complications or death.

Back home and back to school after a VERY short night! Got home about 1:00 am, settled in quickly, but was still awake at 2:15. The 6:15 alarm felt a little brutal. But so far, so good. I don't feel overly tired today.

Willpower is a finite resource. It can be used to only a specific degree. Everyone's limit is different. Typical "diet fatigue" is an indication that willpower is waning.

HALT is an acronym used in addiction therapies. I'm guessing most of us know it stands for HUNGRY, ANGRY, TIRED, LONELY. These emotional states are highly triggering for addictive and compulsive behaviors. For example, I did so well on my short trip to the southeast until yesterday. Overall, except for the Double Fudge Coca Cola Cake, my food intake was really in control and was "normal". Yesterday, I was tired and a little stressed with travel and I succumbed to old travel habits - eating junk. I'm a little miffed with myself, but taking comfort in knowing what my triggers were and that I was totally aware of what I was doing while I was doing it. So, no regrets, but I am having thoughts about how to take the successes at outset of the trip and transfer those strategies to the end of the trip.

My personal belief is that mental and physical exhaustion are HUGE factors in obesity. I think DD is very much on to a truth with her thinking. Many obese people are also codependent to some degree. I know teachers tend to be, too. So add the propensity to take care of others first and at the expense of ourself care and throw exhaustion on top.... Recipe for easy and convenient meals.... DD, it is a cycle and a hard one to stop. I'm with you on that. I have to fight not to fall into that routine.

Must go get ready for afternoon Zoom.... Only 21 more school days......

I 100% agree with you about mental and physical exhaustion being major factors not only in weight gain but in sabotaging weight loss efforts. We need to feel positive to take positive steps and to stop the "stinking thinking" that once we start eating junk we might as well continue.

I agree with the point about exhaustion.

But for me a lot of self-sabotage comes from what I briefly touched on the other day, which is the point at which my dreams go from "one day I might..." to needing to take concrete action steps where I might actually fail. For example, when I think about one day trying to date again, it's when I go from daydreaming to realizing, oh crap, I might actually be close to being ready and I panic and start sabotaging myself by climbing the scale again. It's all "fear of failure" based stuff. And being fat has for my whole life been a safe spot where I felt I didn't have to try because I felt like expectations were low. My dad said no one would want to marry me if I stayed fat (logically I know this isn't true, but it stuck to my brain like gum on a shoe), so I never even tried to form relationships. Starting over moving to a new state falls into a very similar category. Long story longer, I'm afraid of everything, change especially, and fat is my hidey hole, safely away from having to put myself out in the world in any meaningful way.

BTW, I had a great time at lunch and didn't choose poorly. No reason to have dreaded it.

Once again many good observations to "digest". (I can't resist a pun)

In my musing and processing with you all yesterday, I think I had one epiphany that might help. I am tired, physically, mentally, spiritually. Who isn't right now? And Peps I hear you on the co dependent front: I'm mostly a recovered codependent, but the helping vibe is big with me. And I am surrounded by needs, it's the nature of what's happening right now. But, I could help myself by loosening the purse strings and buying back some time, by stocking the freezer with some healthy ready made meals and snacks. I think I could find some good options if I didn't recoil from the price and think, oh, I could make this so much cheaper (and honestly, probably better, but the pre made stuff is good enough). So I'll try to do that this weekend.

The sun is out, and it looks like we'll have a stretch of nice days. That addresses the exercise issue for the next few days. I like yard work/gardening enough that it doesn't feel like "work" and I find I've moved a whole lot.

And maybe a nice glass of wine on the deck in the sun will give me a nice little respite. The weekend is coming.

The straps on my espadrille wedges broke today (both shoes, one right after the other! ) but I kept walking. A metaphor for how it's going this week. :)