02/14/21, Valentine's Day Sunday

DD, you've got this ! Day #1 and so far day #2, NO side effects other than sore arm and very slight headache. I'm thinking the vaccine response is more severe for people who have HAD Covid. Ceci, thanks so much for that link... makes total sense that lymph nodes would swell and show up on a mamo for up to four weeks, causing false alarms/call backs. I'm eager to hear how the virtual estate evaluation goes. Diane, congratulations on the successful loan application ! I LOVE a great pot pie too! How soon will you know if Tesla is pregnant ? Liz, enjoy your first Valentine's day with Mike ! Shirl, your cooking efforts are outstanding ! Love your counter ! Peps, good for you for showing up and sharing in the midst working through challenging times. I admire your resolve !

Have a love filled Valentine's Day !!

I'm feeling kind of sorry for myself. I decided to begin counting calories for real on Thursday. And I was kind of impressed with myself not waiting until Monday, expect Monday is President's day so maybe Tuesday, etc. etc. There are just always SO MANY EXCUSES. But I'm weak!!! My kids had a valentine's playdate on Friday and we brought donuts. I knew I'd be tempted to I ate a really light breakfast (egg white omelet) so I wouldn't be starving. I felt like I tried to do everything right. I went to grocery store to stock up before snowmageddon and didn't want to go hungry so I had a turkey wrap=100 calories. Snacks because hungry. But then DH and I went out for Valentine's day and it just totally all went out the window. I'll spare you the gory details. I mean, I'm thankful I cannot eat tons like I used to be able to, but you add enough butter to a dish and it doesn't take much!! Scale was 158!! HIghest it's been in recent memory. And with the weekend feeling and storm rolling in and not feeling great yesterday, I ate it all. LUnch was chili, dinner was pizza. And there was valentines chocolates in there too. I mean there were small victories. Again I owe it to my sleeve. Just one bowl of chili, very little cheese. Just one piece of pizza (but it was deep dish). But I'm feeling pretty down like I just don't want to not be able to eat those foods. And less true in maintenance than in weightloss, but I really feel like in order to lose weight I have to eat really strictly 90% of the time. When I feel tempted 100% of the time. Booooo

Well today is a new day. We already have a few inches of snow and the big band hasn't rolled in yet. Wind chills negative 20. I already partook in a glazed donut today and am trying to assess how I will treat the rest of the day. healthy food just doesn't cut it when it's this cold!! So I'm trying to decide between using Christmas ham bone and making a spicy cheesy 15 bean soup (not low calorie, but honestly not the most unhealthy either) or doing something like a skinnytaste cheeseburger soup or "potato" soup with the bulk being cauliflower.

HOpe the maintenance game is going better for you all

I am so glad you are all getting vaccines scheduled. I might be able to get mine soonish. I do wonder, do any of you understand the guidelines for those vaccinated? R read something about how even once you've been vaccinated you'll need to quarantine if exposed to covid and more than 3 months have passed since your shot. Is this true? I need to get everything clear. I guess I just thought that once the majority of the population is vaccinated, everything would essentially be back to normal. I'll admit that promise is really the main thing keeping me going. I cannot lve like this. I so miss normal life. It's almost Lent. The thought of another easter in quarantine is so sad. Missing church and organ music. Missing live music in general. Plays and symphonies. Missing large happy hours, hugs given freely. Firm handshakes. Movie theaters. With their cold A/Cs and fizzy coke and hot popcorn and trailers. Weddings. Even funerals. I really missed being able to grieve appropriately this year. Having people stop by, bring food, reminisce about loved ones. Hold you. Bustling restaurants. Buzzing airports. Crowded Christmas shops. I miss it alllllll. Will it ever be the same? Am I alone in missing these things? Please tell me that we're only being so cautious with the vaccinated while so much of the population is yet to be vaccinated?

The CDC is constantly revising recommendations around Covid (vaccinations and otherwise) as more feedback comes in. This appears to be the current information: https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/covid-19/info-by-product/clinic al-considerations.html

I am taking Mike to a fancy French restaurant in Naples for Valentines dinner. He has never been to Naples. It is like his little town in some ways though much larger and more posh.

In the meantime I think we are going to check out the pool here which is finally reopened after 4 months of closure to redo it. It has been almost a year since I have been at the pool (it closed for several months when Covid first began last March).

Maintenance is not going so hot for me lately either. I'm still afraid to weigh and my clothes are saying I'm up about 10 pounds again. Mike and I were talking about getting back into a better routine, splitting more meals when we go out and reducing the consumption of wine/beer. Both would go a long way to bringing the weight back where it belongs. But due to it being Valentines Day, obviously it will wait until tomorrow or later in the week. Hmmm, I just realized we have dinner events today through Wednesday.

Happy Valentines Day my friends!!!

My lowest maintained weight was 153. About 3 years after surgery, I started gaining weight. I didn't want to spend my life fighting with myself about every calorie, so I looked at pictures of my weight on the way down, and how I felt at various stages and decided I would be happy to hang out around 170. It wasn't a perfect weight, but it was a BMI of 28. My surgeons office says that it is a BMI number where statistically, weight does not contribute to health issues. In the last 3 years I shot past that, and cannot for the life of me, get back there. I have been hard core dieting off and on for 3 years and I'm at my highest post surgery weight. So I have no answers. My newest plan is, after my 2nd vaccine, I get a personal trainer. Even if I don't lose weight (but I hope it does help), I need to be stronger if I'm going to have the life I want these coming years. I think the issue isn't even current weight for a lot of us, I've seen the photos and you all are lovely. I think it's that panicky, I've been here before feeling, why don't I have control over this feeling. Why am I driven to eat more food now? Why do I gain so easily? Why is losing so hard? And I am in a way better place than I was pre surgery. Also, not giving up. But as the kids say, the struggle is real. Obesity is a tenacious disease. I don't think we're ever really cured, I think surgery puts us in remission.

Yesterday, I decided I wouldn't actually perish or get frostbite driving to the grocery store in my car with heated seats, so I ran that errand. I bought what I needed for tonight's dinner, we ars having stuffed pasta shells, grilled asparagus, tossed salad, and prosecco. Definitely not a weight loss menu. My daughter wants to make some special cookies she saw on pintrest, so there will be that to contend with also.

The deep freeze goes on here for a few more days, and then slowly moves to 30 degrees the last week of February. We'll be in Florida, where the extended forecast looks wonderful.

Keep up the good fight everyone!!

I will argue that my current weight is an issue. However, you are correct about the feelings that accompany all the thinking surrounding weight, food and eating. I can also say I am far more physically fit and strong than I was pre surgery. Pre surgery I was extremely out of shape. Not so much now.

Oh yes, the extra weight is an issue for me, aesthetically, but evenmore about it slowing me down, literally weighing me down, not bounding up the stairs like I used to heaviness. I don't want to return to being the sitting lady. Peps, I know you prefer a different aesthetic for yourself too, but I cannot retract my comment, I do think your pictures portray a lovely, fit, handsome man.

Thank you. I am accepting of my fitness level and I know that it shows. And you are correct, I have a different aesthetic expectation for myself than that which is my current aesthetic. I am pleased that I am able to completely dismiss BMI as a measure of healthy weight and am now able to focus on what I believe to be a healthy weight for me based on real data - visual and medical. That in itself is a major win. Currently I am 113 pounds over the highest weight limit for "normal BMI". Even I, with my body dysmorphia am able to see that I am by no means that much overweight.

You hit the nail on the head! It is exactly "that panicky, I've been here before feeling, why don't I have control over this feeling".

I suppose I am feeling a tad better today.

I have been consciously chosen to not log food for the past couple of days. I've needed to just relax about EVERYTHING the past several days, so I have. The kids gifted me with lots of chocolate for Valentine Day and for m B'day. I have been indulging. No guilt there though. It's a choice.

Weight: 272.4 (reasonable)

Love DD's musings about weight #s and her journey. I have learned that many things about this journey are not really about the weight. Yet, the weight is still significant. The weight may be the symptom of the disease, but like lungs filling with fluid when one has pneumonia, the symptom of the disease (e.g., fluid in the lungs) is what kills us and sends us to the doctor for help. For us, too, the extra weight is an indication to the world around us of our disease. A symptom that we can't hide when we leave the safety of our "bubbles".

While I know I have done great head work about my eating, self judgement, self acceptance, and above all I have a true acceptance about having an eating disorder and no longer have shame about it, I am still obese. I started going to the NUT to help me "lose weight" a year ago. I have not lost weight. I have actually gained a few pounds or yoyo'd a bit since starting with her. Have I grown in other ways? Absolutely, but I am still nagged by the fact that I haven't lost weight in a year of spending a lot of money every week to talk about my eating and the triggers and feelings that accompany my eating.

The feelings about teaching will wane. Some of what I have heard will not be forgotten and some of it will not be forgiven and I will distance myself from those people. I'm okay with that. What I can't do as a professional and mature adult is share my opinion with those people. I will simply have to find other ways to dispel my ire.

Loved walking into a kitchen with a valentine bouquet, chocolates, lovely card and message. Having someone who loves "Kodak moments" pays off in spades on Valentine's Day!