01/27/2021, Wednesday

Moving forward slowly but surely. I was going to ask my doctor to increase my medication even before 01/06/21, and the attack on our capitol sealed the deal. My anxious sense of impending civil unrest was justified. Yesterday's thought of the day in my planner was: If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. When you relax, you are living in the present. Believing that what we anticipate we generate, I'm focusing on living in the moment.

BB, again, my thoughts are with you and your family. With soo much loss on your plate, your strength is inspiring. DD, I'm looking forward to your FL trip, right along with you ! Are you flying? If so, will you need the complete vaccine series to fly ? Liz, it sounds like you have had a great week ! Have you run into that old man with a crush on you ? Peps, those parents truly don't get it !! Keep being you !! Your class is so fortunate to have you.

Hi Diane! So good to see you, and right now living in the moment may be the best course.

Yes, I did run into the older man with the crush recently and told him I was seeing someone. He was very gracious about it.

We had a great day at the beach and out to dinner with friends yesterday. The husband was a close friend of DH's, and though I had seen his wife since the funeral I had not seen him. I knew he would have a lot of trepidation about meeting Mike, not sure whether it was okay for me to be dating someone. But they got along great and he told me when we were leaving about how he had felt coming to meet us, but that he really liked Mike and that made it much easier for him to feel happy for me.

Today we are going to the beach club until about 2, then I am driving back to my place. It has been a great week, but time for me to go to my own lair for the next week.

Have a safe, healthy and calm Wednesday!

Great to hear the dinner with dear friends went well. Lots of transitions for everyone.

Weight down, 193.2, 5 left to pre-Covid weight.

I was super foggy this morning and drank my coffee forgetting I have blood tests at 10:30. Argh. Texted them to find out if any were fasting ones. I should have put a sticky note on the coffeemaker.

Not much else to report...

Nice to see you Ocean Diane. I think you are so right about living in the moment. When I kept a gratitude journal, I started paying more attention to things in the moment I could put in my journal: how cozy my new gloves felt, the lovely Indigo color of twilight that evening. I should start recording these things again, as it helped me savor the small, daily pleasures in life that are easy to fly by.

I love my chai lattes in the morning. Today I added a coffee latte. I made espresso with my nespresso machine, frothed fairlife milk, and added torani SF vanilla syrup. Delicious, I enjoyed every drop.

Yesterday I went down the medical rabbit hole again. My oncologist made 2 referrals for me last Wednesday. By yesterday, I still did not hear anything. I called the clinic, and the person who answered said, yes the referrals are here in your file but it doesn't look like any action was taken yet.

Argh! She transferred me to scheduling, where they told me that they get so many scheduling requests that things take awhile. I remembered the same thing happened with my radiation. I saw the oncologist, she said we are ready to start radiation, someone will call you this week, and then no one did, so I called them and boom, scheduled. I thought it was anomaly but clearly not.

So, long story short, some paperwork needed to be faxed (faxed! Who still uses faxing??) To the physical therapy group who will work to reduce the edema in my breast, (and I'm still waiting for their scheduler to call) and the appointment with the endocrinologist finally did get scheduled in March. I like the oncologist, but this end of the practice does not inspire confidence. I googled Mayo, and they have a breast health clinic. I am considering transferring to them. It's an hour and a half drive. I will wait until I meet with these new referrals and meet my new PCP next week. If care continues to be so bumpy and uncoordinated, I will investigate switching to Mayo Clinics.

So, I was getting pretty salty by Tuesday afternoon, but I'm in a better place now. I went back into my patient portal and re-read my post operative reports etc to reassure myself that important elements of my care had not been overlooked. I'm satisfied for now.

Last week of the semester, and things are wrapping up pretty well considering everything students have experienced. Potentially returning to in person hybrid by March. Doubtful we will all be vaccinated by then, but I never thought teacher vaccinations were part of the calculation as to whether it would be safe or not. I'll deal with that reality when the time comes.

How frustrating! I think that is what has impressed my dad most about Mayo. The right hand and left hand are fully connected. So his urologist, surgeons, radiologists, oncologist, laboratory, etc. all work together and know what everyone else is doing and asking for. And for him, they are all in the same building. They have morning briefings with all related groups where difficult cases are discussed between specialties. He'll be meeting with the oncologist, who wants to clarify something with the radiologist and he just picks up the phone and calls him and gets his answers. And when he flies in, all of his appointments and tests are magically scheduled in order so he's done in less than a day and home tests that need to be done in advance are shipped to him. Their efficiency seems second to none. When everyone is in independent practices, communication can break down even with the best of intentions.

PS - I drink the EXACT same latte!

That sounds so civilized. If it turns out I only need to see the endocrinologist once or twice a year, and my oncologist visits move to every six months or yearly, it would be very tempting to move my care to their clinic.

My SIL goes to Dana Faber, the top Boston cancer center. Her experience has been as described by Cecily about Mayo and I have heard the same from friends who went to Mayo. Might be worth the drive?

The weather is gray, cold (okay cool by midwestern and New England standards), and wet. The wind was terrible last night, blowing down many branches and some boards on the fence. I'm glad the fence is older and some of the nails gave way, rather than blowing down the entire length of fence. Board repairs are a breeze! I got the holes patched up in the fence in a matter of 10 minutes. New, longer, thread tipped nails and a hammer did the trick. I do find Ron's reaction to such things humorous. Things like that are such big deals to him. To me, it's just normal house stuff that happens. LOL! But, I do love that he takes the dogs' safety so to heart.

The wind had such a switch to it, too, that some of the branches didn't merely break off and fall! Oh, no! Twice branches were swept away with the wind, slamming into the wall of the house with a crash. The younger dogs of course, responded with tail tucked scatter returning with magnificent adolescent bravado barking daring the wind to try it again! I couldn't help but smile with pride! Such good babies! The older dogs were unimpressed by the weather.

I have worked through my frustrations of yesterday. Just had to be mad and deal with it.

Eating is going well. Ron brought home a cinnamon roll from Panera "for us to share" when he went to get lunch. I had asked for chicken noodle soup to go with the weather. I was proud of myself for telling him thank you, but remember this is one of those considerate treats I asked you to refrain from getting for me? So, thanks, but I'm going to pass on it today. Who am I???? LOL! He ate it all by himself. Best thing is that it didn't hold much appeal, except when he warmed it up, the smell was rather seductive.

I'm using a new online calorie app called Fat Secret (fatsecret.com). Easy to use, but some of the portions are odd. I've never had much luck with MFP and my standby Livestrong app, doesn't seem to work lately, so I looked for something new.

My calorie intake has ranged between 2000 and 2500 since Saturday. I will be interested to see what kind of loss, if any, that produces over this week.

The smell of warm cinnamon rolls is my Kryptonite. And my neighbors bare them frequently with the doors open so the smell drifts into my open doors. It's all I can do not to jump the fence and take them!