01/06/2021, Wednesday

Things have been erratic. The two Vets that weave in and out of our bubble have been spiraling. They are both alcoholics with additional mental health issues. The pandemic and resulting isolation are making their challenges even harder for them to navigate. All face to face support and services from the VA have been unavailable since March, and neither of them are willing to access online support. We've led them to water and salted the hay but they are unable to take the next step. Both of them resumed heavy drinking were hospitalized. One of them told us the other was in bad shape with Covid, which turned out to be false, thank goodness. In the era of HIPAA, hospitals would tell us nothing, and it has taken several days to sort everything out, as they were released. There were misplaced items (winter coats, wallets, cell phones, glasses, chargers, shoes) due to highly intoxicated departures by ambulance. Chuck and I want to provide support and encouragement, but all of this has activated some codependent issues, especially for DH. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. In the midst of all of this, I have a stye in my eye lid and we took Atlas to the Vet with pink eye.

Reading through posts has provided balance and much food for thought. I am so inspired by our tribe's navigation through varied challenges ! I so appreciate the sharing, and learn so much from all of you.

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Diane O.-I cannot imagine how challenging this has been for people with alcoholism/history. I am beginning to see more and more of the mental health effects of isolation/lack of normalcy. I'm not sure if it's because of the extended nature, the holidays, or what. Honestly I think we all need a plan back and soon. I've seen this affect my aunt greatly. She doesn't even really want to talk to anyone. And my cousin's husband is suffering severe anxiety. They may avoid contracting the virus--but at what cost?

Seniors were able to begin signing up for the vaccine beginning yesterday. My dad still has lingering symptoms, something the doctor told him could last for another month (it's been a month!). I sure hope it's not something else and they're putting it all off to covid. Yeesh. But I promised myself I would try to not think worst case scenario in 2021.

Peps-wow. Your food journal really was a gut check for me. "Drive by." In theory, I eat really well. Okay, pretty well. But when I'm honest and log the food that was unplanned. Zing. It'll start with a biscotti in the am because it's up by the coffee *** problemo numero uno?). Not to mention bites of kid food while prepping. And the recent addiction to wheat thins (thank God I ate them all...lol...but can I get an amen). And it's not even nighttime snacking for me. It's that window from like 2pm-6pm.

Cecily-Awesome job! I love having that feeling of peace. That's what I need to get back: the faith that I can do what's needed.

I'm beginning to feel a little more in control now that we're taking down Christmas decorations. I'm sad to see them go but more than ever feel the need to usher in the New Year. I wish we had a date-certain when things can be normal. It really bums me out when some people say 2022. I just don't think that's realistic for most people. Soooooo many more things will suffer if that's the case. And for God's sake don't tell me that. I'm already disappointed that maybe for the second year in a row my kiddos probably won't have an Easter bunny or church or egg hunts. Silly? Yes. But those are the things that make up wonderful life memories. I'm trying to tell myself Memorial Day/beginning of summer.

On the agenda for today is to try to box up the remaining Christmas save for the big tree, which won't be done until weekend when Rich can help. Guy for outside lights is coming some time this week. I also want to put back furniture in living room (moved to accommodate tree). Need to put in for grocery order. And I really want to try and set up a workout station in game room. I don't have all the equipment but I'm sure I have enough. It's not ideal. I really wish I could utilize the gym and drop off kiddos. Or had a great cardio equipment. But I have to do something. We have weights and band and yoga mat and tv. I'm kind of excited to see what I can do with just this. I might try out beachbody.

Having an agenda and getting things done is definitely the key to feeling in control. BTW, I wouldn't be able to have the biscotti anywhere in the house and possibly wheat thins too. I just have to banish dangerous stuff and have "safe" things available.

Oh Diane! Chuck and you have great hearts to help these people. So sad what this pandemic has done across the board especially to people fragile in the first place.

I am feeling slightly less fat today having eaten okay on Monday and on plan yesterday. I also went to the beach yesterday which helped my mood. It was not an optimal beach day at 70, low humidity, and lots of wind, but it was still good for my spirits. I was covered with sand from the wind so my after beach shower felt great!

Silly thing, but I bought some new eyeliner yesterday after probably 15-20 years of using the same brand. It worked great - not even a little smudging! I also got new mascara. It also didn't smudge but didn't look as good as my former stuff (also probably 20+ years in use - it doesn't smudge much either).

I could drive to Mike's this afternoon, but I think I will go tomorrow morning instead. I know he wants to see me soon, but I need one more day of being by myself.

Nothing else really on the agenda other than a zoom session mid-day with friends and hopefully getting shipments of a couple of things. My place is pretty much in shape due to a thorough cleaning at the end of the Covid quarantine and I had my new iRobot vacuum yesterday. I think he did a pretty good job!

Have a safe and healthy day!

What they're doing with eyeliners today is nothing short of magic. I have always had trouble with smudging on my right eye (full cheeks + eye shape + smiling = eye smudging). It's always fun to switch things up and find new favorites, or reinforce what you like about old standbys.

DianeO, I'm so sorry about your friends. That is such a difficult spot to be in - seeing someone struggling mightily and knowing that if you take on giving them all the help they need, you'll go down with them. So glad you see the need for boundaries and proud of you and your DH for helping as much as you can.

BB - I can't think much beyond a month. If I imagine still being in this same awful limbo in summer it seriously depresses me. And I'm convinced Wheat Thins are coated with an addictive salty substance that make them impossible to resist once you start in.

Peps, I loved the honestly of your journal. I've been trying to be brutally diligent about tracking when I slip because in the past I would just throw up my hands, declare the day a lost cause and keep eating mindlessly thinking I'd get back on the wagon the next day. But it's so much better to know. And tracking can keep a slip from turning into a landslide. It keeps you present. The opposite of ostriching.

DD, so glad you are feeling good about your reset!

Bonnie, I'm loving all your insights and interpretations. Keep 'em coming!

Weight down today. 196. You know one of my birthday resolutions was to be fitter on next year's birthday. So I've stepped up the walking. It's not a lot - 2 or 3 miles a day - but I have been trying not to stroll as I usually would so much as move briskly. Over the last several months I've had lots of excuses not to walk. I felt fat and sluggi**** was too hot, it was too smoky, my back went out twice, too many people on the trail because that's all anyone can do during Covid, yada yada. Inertia begets inertia. I think my losses have been a lot better this last week and a half because I'm moving regularly. Go figure.

Because nothing I attempt ever goes smoothly, I had a handyman out yesterday to fix my leaky hose bib. He fixed it, turned the water back on and the pipe underground burst. @#$&. And he couldn't fix it. @#$&. So out of desperation I called the foreman from the landscape crew that just finished and he is coming over on his lunch break today to fix it for me "off the books" as he said the company would charge me an arm and a leg. Huge tip coming!

Aside from that, I'm walking with a friend this afternoon and maybe a walk tonight as she is still recovering from an injury and can't move far or fast. But it's good mental therapy for both of us to spend time together.

So nice of the landscape guy! He must have liked working for you!

I'm pretty much of Cecily's thought, I can't look too far down the road about Covid. What I'm holding out for right now is for my parents to get vaccinated. Once they are protected, that eliminates many complications, I can feel safer (for them), going to their house, I could spend the night and take care of some things for them. My mother is already on oxygen, Covid could easily kill her, so we have been very, very careful with them. Nobody knows if and when we will return to school in person. If I think that I might have to continue distance learning for the rest of the year, I am filled with despair. Better to just think about it in smaller chunks of time. In the words of the unsinkable Kimmy Schmidt, I can stand anything for 10 seconds.

Today I chose to reflect on my good fortune. The swirling of Covid around me has got me spooked. But here I am, able to work safely from home, my kids can do the same, no loss of income for any of us, my parents can quarantine, we are all still okay. I have my home, my job, my family. We are surviving this better than so many people.

Diane, bless you for being a support to your friends. It is super hard to find that balance, good for you knowing you need boundaries.

Ah, wheat thins. One of my college friends used to call them wheat fats, because they are impossible to stop eating. Bonnie if you can keep treats in the house without devouring all of them, you are a strong woman. I'm like Liz, they need to be gone, or very out of sight. We keep triscuits and Saltines around for our cracker needs, because they aren't as enchanting as wheat thins. I can eat them in a planned, moderated way.

Day 3 of my reset, and I am very hungry. I am eating free foods, but I am worrying that all the fruit might be increasing my appetite? Always tweaking...

Greetings All

I have been glued to the tv all day. Started by listening to the election count. Then watched in horror as the capital was stormed and congress locked down for safety. Its all terrible. President twitter account has been shut down by twitter.

So sorry DianeM that your friends have issues. The state of our society is not helping.

Peace all. I just ate a Reeces.

diane s

Well, 2021 rolled up its sleeves and handed 2020 its beer....

Damn! What a day. It does not matter to me what anyone's political leaning may be. Never really has. Politics can be a sticky wicket and can be personal and even inherited. I simply like hanging with good people.

That said..... damn! Today is a history making day! I think the Republican party, like the Whig party before it, is going to implode. The months ahead will tell. While I am not shocked by what happened today, I am greatly saddened. Most of all, I am sad that a woman needlessly lost her life. Her family and friends will live with the knowledge that she died needlessly, the victim of cir****tance. She was murdered, plain and simple.

I haven't been this glued to the TV since 9/11. It is fascinating to watch history unfold in real time.

Thank you all for the kind comments about my weekly planner! It's been a real growth process to get to this point. I hadn't really realized how "honest" I was being. I was really just trying to analyze my eating behaviors, what I eat, and the when and whys behind the eating. I purposely didn't post Monday's writing because I was embarrassed by how many non nutritional foods I ate and didn't want to be that truthful with you all. LOL, though I did fess up about the 1091 calories.

Today was another day of nicely regulated eating.

All the decorations, save the tree, have been taken down and packed up. All that's left is to put the storage boxes up in the garage rafters. The house always looks so bare after "undecorating", but much easier to dust and keep clean.

Back to the TV to see what happens next!