Monday January 4, 2021

We survived the last of the "firsts" following DH's death. It was a quiet day mostly though DS did cook for SIL and me last night. Shrimp, pineapple and veggies in a slightly spicy sauce. Quite good.

I am so sorry to hear about all the family members getting Covid. I am seeing the same from many friends on FB. Though DD, Mike, his son and I have had it, surprisingly the rest of our close family and direct friends have not. I so hope this vaccine gets out quickly and we can get herd immunity.

DSD arrived safely in Florida after 14 hours of driving alone. I know she has done it before, but still...

SIL is picking me up at 8:15 to drive to the airport. I should be in 70 degree weather around 2. I know I will miss everyone here and the beauty of the winter beaches, but I won't miss the cold. I just put away my Ugg boots, down jacket, gloves and earmuffs which were my "uniform" for going out over the last 3 weeks. I plan to leave my lighter jacket behind with SIL (I do have a similar one in Florida).

Have a safe and healthy day!

166.8

Fly safe, Liz, and enjoy sunny Florida. We have a bit-o-resort weather here in SEK- sunny and 50 with little wind. Yay because I will not have to bundle up so much, boo because mud and water will abound and make for one wet, mud ball of a dog. I am finding, however, that Swann's coat is just about weather proof- dirt and water set upon the top and do not penetrate and he is just wipe and go- All I have to pay real attention to are his muddy paws.

Again, not much else cooking...am trying to imagine and project just what Christmas decorating will be going onward and store according to what I want to come out or leave behind. I believe I am at that 'little old person' phase where a few things come out ; decorating for the season instead of decorating for family. It is a rite of passage- needs to happen, but, as all my ornaments/decorations have memories/stories attached, I am reluctant to say goodbye.

It is daunting to contemplate all the things that need to be let go...things and thoughts and ways of doing and being that once gave such joy- or I thought did-or needed- that are now just burden or really don't work for me anymore.

What will I have or who will I be if I let stuff/self go? I am thinking maybe I might just have empty space. But, hey, maybe that emptiness is a Good Thing! Maybe I will have more room in my home-heart-time for a deeper, healthier, and more self actualizded me.

Gosh, Peps, maybe that is what you are doing while working out the ED before addressing the scale/weight. That is, 'cleaning out your closet' to be able to see and determine what "needs to be let go". An empty closet might be a good thing- empty fo the desire to use food for what it is intended for. Empty shelves upon which to put new, different, healthy ways of being- eating- relationship with food. Maybe you won't WANT or NEED to put the ED back on the shelf.

There is much in my closet that needs to be cleaned, organized, winnowed in order to give room for a higher purpose in my life...

Love this, Bonnie!

You give me so much to think about. I do know that literally getting your house in order seems to help get thoughts/behaviors in order.

I bought my home when I was 26, about 5 months before I got married. After living in apartments since I was 20, I collected a few things, and had brought along some of my treasures from my parents house. My parents moved about the same time, and presented me with more boxes of my treasures, and things they were getting rid of they thought I could use. Freedom for them :). Over the years, I've tossed stuff, but I'm not sure when I will be able to give my kids their treasures. Home ownership is not on the horizon anytime soon. Even the Christmas stuff, my kids were gifted with an ornament from Grandma every year, but when will they have their own trees to hang them on? Will I be the keeper of memories/treasures forever?

If my mother's cousin, Lyn, tries to friend any more of you on FB, just say no! I wondered if I was being too closed off when she wanted to talk to me every week. I'm not quick to let people in. Nice to know that my protective boundaries were appropriate and that she is the one in need of boundaries...

Weight down a lot to day! Probably dehydration (and slow plumbing speeding up), but makes for a 1.8 pound loss for the week of butter and 25.6 overall.

The landscapers said they were coming back Tuesday, but showed up this morning. Set off my nerves as I wasn't prepared and was trying to sleep in. The best laid plans...

Today is hair color/cut and therapist.

Have a good trip back to FL, Liz!

Hope you all have good days!

Back to measuring and tracking. Oh boy, clearly I was overeating, because I. am. hungry. Stomach growling hungry, even though I've eaten an appropriate amount of food. For the next few days, I no longer get to eat whatever non sugar food I want. I am still going to eat when I want, but any snacks have to be free foods on WW. Which is why I was eating eggs for 2nd breakfast, and might end up doing the same for 2nd lunch! (Point of reference, eggs are not my favorite, so if I'm eating them, I'm hungry). I made a big pot of veggie soup yesterday, and it was pretty tasty. That's another snack I can use to help with the reset. It should be better in a couple of days.

The Nordic Track is repaired, and waiting for me after work. Conveniently, I am already wearing leggings, so I'll just need to switch shirts, and walk downstairs. No excuses.

I'm actually feeling upbeat about food reset and exercise plans. It feels good to make a plan to do the things I need to do. No nagging guilt today that I'm not taking care of myself. One day, quarantines will end, and there's a lot of stuff I want to do. Time to get stronger and healthier!!

Good Morning All

Well I survived my first day back at work........ Still trundling through the hundreds of emails - flagging those that need attention. Dinner was yum last night, my mum loved it and I sent her home with an extra serve for her freezer along with a bunch of other food and fresh eggs.

Today is work then Im catching up with a school friend for a quick cuppa. Then home to make DH a nice steak and some salad. We picked some beetroot so I will likely make some relish as there are more that need picking. I gave away 9 huge zuchinnis yesterday - started the year off with kindness.

Liz - I hope you had a good flight back to Florida. The first year is super hard but you have remembered beautifully. May memories bring comfort always. Glad DSD has arrived safely too - thats a big drive on your own

Cec - Well done on the big drop :) And good luck wrangling that Aunt he he he. One for the boundary basket I feel.....

DD - Sorry to hear about your family catching COVID. Its scary how quickly it can spread. We have had another few outbreaks and they are battling to stem them. We are back to masks for all indoor places. Praying we dont end up with a third wave as we will go back into lockdown and mentally a lot of ppl just couldnt cope I dont think

Peps - I thought of you at dinnertime - there was much to share and you are welcome at our table anytime my friend

Diane S - Sorry you cant go to the pool. Its frustrating. I hear you re the distribution of the load at family things - the busiest people always end up busier....... Maybe cause they are conditioned to juggle like a clown and manage to keep all the balls up in the air

Miss - Your post today was very well said and resonated with me. Food for thought....

Well I had best keep plodding through all this work. Have a wonderful evening all

S

Well, the first work day of 2021 is now in the rearview mirror! Yay! So funny.... I always dread going back to work after a holiday, but I'm always happy to be back once I start. The routine is comforting. Funny how that is. I don't feel that way the first day of a school year. That first day is exhausting normally. This year on Zoom it was even more so. Anyway, I was indeed happy to see my kiddos this morning.

Miss 150, I think I know what you mean and agree, if I indeed get your drift. However, I'm not gonna lie and be all Pollyanna and say this is a wonderful process, because it really isn't. In the long run, it will probably be the right choice and way to approach my disorder. In the short term it is an exercise in patience and a disregard for the old school rules of dieting that is unnerving.

I continue to log my meals, non nutritional food choices in between meals, and my planned indulgences. I make notes when appropriate and look for patterns to understand. I understand some. An example: If Ron is stressed about something and vents or unloads to me (especially if the dogs have destroyed something, e.g. new fake grass) I go for food immediately. Yesterday I had to ask him to stop venting because it wasn't emotionally beneficial for me. He was rather taken aback and said, I'm processing. This is how I process. My reply was, "I can't handle your processing right now. It's too much." That was hard, but I felt better. I still ate, but at least no beating myself up and no binge.

I am reminded today of the old Ketchup commercial.... "Anticipation, it's makin' me wait...." I feel I am perpetually on hold "getting better" when what I'd really like to do is JFDI and go on a diet. Breathe, breathe....