VSG Maintenance Group
New Years Eve 2020
Greetings All
So here is what I ate yesterday (that I remember)
coffee
glass of milk
crackers with peanut butter
4 olives
two chocolates
chunk of cheese
pizza
wine
See anything wrong with this picture? No fruits or vegetables except artichoke on pizza and if you count pecans in the candy as a fruit. Not cool. In fact ridiculous. Gotta do better.
Yes there is reason for hope in 2021. But still a couple of months of sit and wait.
Nothing on our agenda tonight except give Tesla chill pills because there will be fireworks and probably gunfire. Dorks around here think holidays are days for firing guns. I got stuff to make chili tomorrow for watching football.
Errands today. Everyone in town was at the credit union. Luckily I used the night drop for gallery money. And I am now hooked on the drive through pharmacy even though they are open. Our county dropped from purple tier to red tier. No clue what that really means except restaurants can let a few people in.
A snow fort as a bar. What a great idea!! No snow here but I like the thought.
Cheers. Diane S
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Happy Flippin' New Year!
I know that pandemic has wreaked havoc in so many ways this year, but I will not leave 2020 without offering thanks to 2020 for also being a year that triggered a great deal of self awareness and afforded me the time to understand the importance of self care. I have two glorious achievements to celebrate. The first is that I made it through Spring and Summer and Fall without gaining weight. I actually lost weight during the past months. The second is that I have learned to accept and better understand (if not fully embrace) my eating disorder. Topically, those things may seem small, but they represent a great deal of growth in my mind. I really want to acknowledge that even though there have been some huge disappointments, uncertainty, fear and apprehension this year, I will not say it has been a horrible year for me. I am thankful for what it has brought me.
That said, OMG! I had a light bulb moment about my dysfunctional thinking and body dysmorphia. I came across a photo from 2012 of my 1 year goal weight anniversary after VSG. A friend of mine had posted it on her FB timeline saying how proud she was of me. I had sent her the pic privately and was mortified that she posted it. I was proud, but also secretly freaking out. I was really upset with myself for the regain of 15-17 pounds. Now mind you a good bit of this weight was muscle, but all I could see was that 187 was 17 pounds beyond my goal weight. I was hung up on the fact that 187 was almost 30 pounds over a normal BMI (normal BMI is 159 for my height). I felt I was not thin enough, or cut enough, and still looked disproportionate. I remember being upset about the little spare tire I still had. I was ridiculously self critical. This was also before being diagnosed with chronic depression, eating disorder, etc... Prior to VSG I was simply diagnosed as Obese with a few co-morbidities. In retrospect, I had a lot of emotional baggage that was laying at the feet of my body image. I think this point in time was the beginning of my spiral to significant regain.
Today I saw the pic through new and very different lenses. Damn! I was almost freakin' 50 (48.5) and looked pretty smokin' hot. I was comparing myself to a 24 year old underwear model or body building competitor. Of course I couldn't measure up to that. I was twice the age, but that is what my skewed brain thought I should be. Anything less was substandard. I wanted nothing less than perfection. But my idea of perfection was impossible for me to achieve. And because of that lack of perfection a part of me thought of myself as "ugly" even though logically I knew that was untrue. I'm sure I will deal more with this over the next few days. Ron wants me to send the pic and the back story to my NUT, which I will. Sheesh! Another thing to be grateful for before 2020 slips into oblivion.
Synthetic lawn has been installed. Pricey, for sure, but I will use "puppy money" to pay for it. Since I didn't breed Dottie I will use some of that money I had set aside to cover the cost of the new lawn. It is a dog expense in my mind, so using money from the Dog expense basket is warranted.
Dinner with our bubble tonight. Take out Italian was the group choice. That means leftovers for me.
Pics of new lawn and my 1 year goal weight anniversary included. I'm guessing other than Diane S and BB, most of you would not have seen the pic. It was posted on OH way back when when I still used the Kairk profile.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Studmuffin (and still are because its all in the 'tide, right?)!
Your lawn looks fantastic. I just googled some images...nifty stuff. Back in the 70s while living in Kalamazoo above an old laundromat down in the student ghetto --across the street -someone, who knows why, took all the grass out of the front yard and replaced it with concrete which they painted green. the kicker were the dozens and dozens of plastic flowers planted firmly and permanently into the cement. Winters were interesting...
