12/30/2020, Hump Day

I use this: Kiehls Vital Skin-Strengthening Hyaluronic Acid Super Serum

This isn't cheap, but it's still low to mid range for a higher end cosmetic. It also goes a long way. I use two pumps to fully cover my face.

I am leery of new skin care companies that don't have a long time reputation. There is very little regulation on cosmetics, so I stick with well established skin care companies like Kiehl. You can find all sorts of hyaluronic acid products on line (especially through FB ads, but I don't trust a lot of those companies.)

I'm a pretty hard core Kiehl fan. I have used their products for a few years, starting with eye de-puffers and branching out from there.

3 pm came yesterday with at least a promise of resolution. Got a call this morning to schedule another install next Tuesday. Not ideal, but anything to get this project done! Then I will seek a little reimbursement. If I get it, great. If not, nothing like social media to disparage their service and company.

Weight - Haven't the foggiest idea....LOL! I decided last night that I'm probably somewhere in the range of 266-274. Yes, that's a big range but it seems to be a reasonable expectation. I was 271 when I last weighed. I "feel" a bit "thinner" than I did that day, but I've also enjoyed Christmas food, so who knows. I know my pants still fit the same out of the wash, so if I've gained or lost it is negligible. I will message my NUT therapist and ask when/if I should weigh again anytime soon.

Had a very good workout yesterday. It seemed sort of "easy" but it really kicked my butt! The workout was sculpting moves superset with aerobic moves. This is not my favorite combination, but it is good for me. In all truthfulness, I prefer the heavy lifting. I think that is in part because my body mass makes it tougher to move my body through space.

Like Ceci, I like the idea of a lighter, fitter more stylish me for 2021! (I can't go with wrinkle free, since I already have them, but I'm doing my best to keep them at bay!)

The issue of want and need has stirred the pot for me. I think it is the stuff of dissertations! There is actually very little I NEED as far as food goes. Yet, there are foods that trigger dopamine release and if that dopamine release becomes too regular then it really does become a NEED because without the release your body feels out of balance, even though what you crave is that out of balance, hyper dopamine feeling. Such a nasty cycle!

I am learning for me it is important to be aware of WHY I am making the choices I make. While I know there are many layers to my psychological (emotional) eating, I find that HABIT eating and COPING eating are the two main behaviors I need to manage. Much of the food that I eat after 3 pm is nonessential. I could most likely do with just protein and complex carbs and a bit of fat. Yet, I know that I would not be "satisfied" with that, so I have to "plan" for some more satisfying options.

Am enjoying binge watching American Horror Story Freak Show and Bridgerton. Ceci was right about Bridgerton - gratuitous bedroom scenes. But when Regé-Jean Page is the male lead, showcasing his physique seems necessary. I am certainly appreciative!

Both Simon and Antony's scenes seemed VERY integral to the story IMO...

Love your thoughts on want vs. need!

I agree that this does not seem to be the year for big resolutions, maybe some daily, weekly practices that build toward those bigger goals. Keeping mentally healthy has been my biggest goal. I can still say, in the midst of cancer, covid, huge shifts in my job, weight gain, I am still finding moments of joy, and I am offering myself a lot of grace. I feel like right now, it might be enough to that I am living my life true to my own ethical and spiritual values, that I haven't become bitter, or envious, or resentful, or used the stresses of this year as an excuse to behave badly, like having a short temper, lashing out or inflicting pain on others.

Today we went to Mall of America, and it felt very good to just get out and walk, and look at the storefronts. We got there about 10:30am, there were people dressed in work out clothes walking, and a few people with shopping bags. It's a cavernous place, feels almost akin to being outside. There was staff patrolling with signs reminding people to wear masks. A few food places we're open (Cinnabons!), with signs that said, take away only, no drinking or eating on premises. I guess cinnabons is the new smoking, if you want one, you'll have to go sit in your car. When we left at 12:30pm foot traffic had picked up, but still very easy to social distance. We used to go more frequently when the kids were little, just to let them out of the stroller to run, or take them on a ride at the indoor amusement park.

I guess my Covid thinking has changed. When this first started I wouldn't have set foot in a place like a mall. I thought every surface was crawling with Covid bugs. Now that we know it's mostly transmitted by air, I'm more comfortable since masks are pretty effective. I'm still careful about surfaces, and used the hand sanitizer stations a couple of times. I find public restrooms a little worrisome, not because of surfaces, but because of flushing without toilet seats to close. A doctor being interviewed on the news suggested even with a mask, you might want to hold your breath when the automatic flush goes off, until you're out of the stall.

Another good thing about going out the last two days is that I wore real pants. Unlike Peps, they didn't just glide on out of the wash, but required a bit of tugging. They're comfortable enough right now, but are a good reminder that there isn't endless expansion room.

I hope my school will be setting up vaccination clinics. We're 2nd tier. No word yet on when we can expect the vaccine. Soon, I hope.

I last saw my oncologist the end of September. My next appointment is January 21. In September she said, you should concentrate on losing some weight, starting a regular exercise program, and see your primary care physician about your osteoporosis. Ha! I've done none of those things yet, in fact I've gained a few pounds since she last saw me. My husband said I should just tell her, obviously, I am going to be a challenging patient. I agree that all of her recommendations are spot on, but also, it's been a crazy few months at work, and life in general.

But I am still here, and I keep showing up. I like Bonnie's way of defining what does showing up look like? Right now, for me, back to weighing (got on the scale today). Wearing real pants? Has to count for something!

I think it counts for a lot! Just trying not to glide numbly through every day is a win. I find scale ostriching (which I see as very different from Peps intentionally not weighing) and numbing out with food or tv or distractions just to get to the end of the day is easy, but leads to missing a lot of life and a lot of cues that we need to take better care of ourselves.

Greetings Dear Ones

Still lounging about but my excuse is my hair is wet and I don't want to go out with it. Of course, it is raining so what difference does it make. I am going to have to bite the bullet and get a hair cut because its way too long and witchy looking. Bring me my broom...

Yeah, it will be good to have 2020 over with. Trouble is that I don't think things on January 1 are going to be much different. Not for a few months anyway. Vaccine on the horizon but no clue when we will get it. I am in the "old" category but I doubt they will raise my status merely for being an overweight slug.

I should spend some time introspecting about all the great thoughts you guys have. Somehow being thin, stylish and wrinkle free seem like too much work. My main goal is to just try to move around more and maintain that ability. I have observed my sil who could not even walk to the beach when she visited here and missed out on so much. Not me I hope.

Hey Cecily the plants will fill in. Can't wait to see. Years ago I planted about 20 itty bitty heathers and they are a solid mass now.

More covid grant possibilities for the studio. More work for me.

I hear you all on the "pants" issue. I have not weighed in several months - chicken - but the pants don't lie. I found all kinds in the back of closet that I am now too fat to wear.

DH did not like Bridgerton. But we are watching another British drama called Broadchurch. Murder mystery in a coastal town.

Nothing planned for New Years except to watch football with my studio buddy and maybe make a pot of chili. I guess you are supposed to eat black eyed peas. Maybe.....

I opened the fancy chocolates. Two per day. Any more and I feel sick. You'd think I would toss them.

Later all. Diane S

Broadchurch was good too! British murder dramas unfold at a much slower pace than American ones. But they are very well done and well laid out.

I also liked Broadchurch.