12/18/2020, Friday

Our final total was 19 inches !! It is all cleaned up and beautiful !! DC and I double teamed it, a vast difference from last year when he was under total hip replacement precautions. We never lost power, for which I am also grateful !! I can?t believe Christmas is next week ! It will be so different not seeing family !! Now with a second vaccine, I am hopeful better days are around the corner.

Weight up. Poop. I have fallen into the "it's there- eat-it-all" mentality. Thing is, it makes me feel like ****

I was listening to NPR the other day - Report about the relationship re dopamine production and addiction disorders of all kinds. Made perfect sense to me. I have always craved simple carbohydrates of any kind and quality- and, once I begin eating them, cannot seem to stop.

Why do I keep eating the stuff? I enjoy the taste for a moment, but soon am eating when I can no longer taste it- and become uncomfortable- only stopping when I simply cannot put more in. As soon as I physically can, I start in again.

According to the report those instant sugars produce dopamine. Dopamine used to be categorized as the "feel good" brain chemical. Sugar releases dopamine.

Now, here is the Ah-Hah bit- There is a huge difference between LIKING and WANTING. I don't like the feeling/act of/physical consequences of over eating simple carbs! Why do I do it?

Dopamine produces WANT-(not like-not need). And WANT NEVER CEASES- Eating carbs produces dopamine-releases WANT- seeks carbs to produce more Want......

For me, one drink (alcohol) is too many - and at the same time- all the drinks in the world will never be enough. I attach no moral weakness-badness to myself in that regard. I'm thinking that the same must be so with the food thing.... no judgment- no regarding myself bad or weak or pissed over the fairness issue of why me?. Just this-

If I were to drink, it is not because I LIKE it- but because I would trigger a Want for it that will not be satisfied until I kill myself. Takes the debate off the table. Done.

I lie to myself when I do not see the same correlation with the carb thing- it is not because I LIKE the taste - but, in so indulging will trigger a Want---blah, blah, blah...

Yes, Bonnie!!!! Want is so powerful when the Like wears off!

Like Miss150 my weight is terrible. 130.6 this morning! I just don't seem to care enough right now to get my act together.

So we got 2 inches of slush with another fluffy inch on top. Enough to look pretty for a couple of days and scare Justice. He will NOT walk on the white stuff. I had to turn leaves over with a shovel so he would go at all.

The tree is decorated finally after SIL donated a light string and I got 3 more which had just been put on the shelves at Walmart this morning. Much less depressing but hard to do the tree decorating for a second year that DH used to do.

Have a safe, healthy, bright day.

Gorgeous tree!! I saw a video somewhere in the last few days where a man put down a 3ft square of plywood on the grass in his backyard before snow was expected, so he could lift it like a hatch and his dog would use the grass (his dog didn't like snow either)... seemed like a clever idea!

Great idea!

The tree is beautiful, but, ohhhhh- the snowscape outside magnificent windows!!!

Weight: 156.6 which I think is a little inflated. I think my "true" weight right now is close to 154.8 which is still a win. But I sure prefer to be on the downward slope of things

I've been kind of keeping away because I don't want my mood to drag anyone down. I have never struggled so hard to find my happy. I really think it's just a season. A hard season. Where all the bright spots seem to be off limits. We have only seen one friend couple since early November. My parents have been in quarantine for pretty much the whole of December so even they are off limits. I will not see my aunt and uncle this year. My sister and nieces won't be coming; haven't seen them since summertime. And then being a SAHM. It was already hard feeling a sense of accomplishment. Everyday already felt like Groundhog Day. I'm Sisophys if you will. Add to that the fact that there is no destination, literally. It's enough to go stir crazy. All these darling Christmas outfits I bought for the girls and no one sees them except me. I guess the other kids/teachers at their school do. But even that is so locked off to the adults.

Like Diane O. I am so thankful to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Very grateful for a vaccine and hope that things will be normal again "soon." I want to plan so many wonderful things for especially the second half of next year. Hopefully they won't need to be canceled.

Today is daddy's birthday, and just like everything else this year, it's cancelled. I think I'm really bumming out about not seeing them.

I'm just hoping everyone can be well for Christmas and we can be together

I thought we bought a good tree from Balsam! Certainly paid an arm and a leg. Bummer to hear so many troubles

You never drag the mood down, BB! I think we're all feeling similar things, but you have the added pain of going through this as an extrovert. If I am feeling the sadness of it as an introvert, I can only imagine how it would feel if I fed off interaction with others.

I am so sorry that you are struggling with the isolation. Knowing that you aren't the only one doesn't help. But I can see that you are doing a fantastic jobs of keeping the holidays special for the girls.

I still like my Balsam tree but probably shouldn't have bought a prelit one. And now it really isn't. But it looks good and fits the space well.