Saturday, December 12, 2020

Weight 128.2 after two meals out yesterday. Both were fish and I didn't eat a ton. I will be driving back to my place mid-day today and at this time tomorrow will be in flight on the way home. DS has given me "permission" to see my SIL because her doctor says it is okay. He says he will "talk to me" about it after I am home. Why do I feel like a child being chastised by a parent???

Mike and I had a good night out last night. I wore sparkly pants and a top so it felt like a good celebration. I think he was happy with the evening too.

Anyway, I am all packed up at Mikes and everything fits in my bags. He may not realize it is all gone until I leave and it may or may not bother him. Hopefully not.

Have a safe and healthy day!

I'm glad you're parting company for now, on a happy note. Is your son mad at your daughter too? You didn't get Covid because you went to Florida. You would have seen your daughter regardless. In fact, this might have been better, because if you stayed in Massachusetts, potentially more of your family could have been exposed. Poor son, he has to worry so much about everyone. Even his Mom, who is perfectly capable of making good decisions.

I was going to sleep in this morning, but I woke up pretty early. Good thing, because my daughter left a glass of ice water on the counter, and the cat tipped it over onto the wood floors. Doesn't look like it damaged anything. He weighs about 13 pounds, but still seems determined to damage the house.

Today will be cleaning, grocery shopping etc and hopefully some time for reading.

Happy weekend.

Good point on DS. We haven't told him yet about DD because he may be angry at her for giving it to me.

153.6. Feeling closer to a real weight right now. So thankful the weight thing is going my way right now. It feels like the only thing.

Liz-are you leaving open the possibility of continuing relationship with Mike? Or are you done? I know sometimes once that switch flips, it's hard to go back. Being around someone a lot can definitely reveal things. Sometimes it reveals that you need alone time. And sometimes it reveals that you don't really like them all that much. Regardless, I'm glad packing up went well. I'm sure your son is well-meaning. And I know I can be guilty of this: parenting my parents. Now that I'm a parent (and I can't imagine how much more this will happen as they age), it really hurts my feelings when they defy me. I can only imagine how it makes my parents, or you, feel when their kids talk down to them. So apologies from a well-intentioned kid ;)

Actually, this is one over-arching vent I have about the whole COVID thing. We have given the illusion that it's totally preventable and that if you contract it you're reckless and now a leper. We just need a lot more love and understanding.

Cec/DD-I totally relate to the anxiety. Maybe it's that I never have that feeling of accomplishment. I think I used to. For me a lot of it no doubt comes from having kids. Getting things done with them around often involves more work than not doing the thing. But by the end of the day I'm so exhausted. I feel like my battery charger doesn't work anymore!! Like I wake up and I'm already at 30%. I wish I had some advice but I can comisserate. Some days the best thing to do is to only focus on the MITs (most important tasks) and let the others fall. When I do this I realize most aren't as critical as I made them out to be. But other days I try to give myself a block of time to get as much done as possible. I focus on the low-hanging fruits to cross off all those little tasks that bunch up my to-do list.

And then some days the wine is the answer!

Cec-Arizona had been on your list, right? Texas is nice. I guess it depends on what environment you seek.

Peps-I hope you will give yourself some slack! I agree with Cec, I think you're looking good, and I see so many positives in the strides you are making, both physically and emotionally.

MissBonnie-boy we sure got a cold snap, huh?

I really feel so overwhelmed with the girls. And then I feel bad about it. B is going to be a little me. She's so headstrong. Very testy. I hate that I feel like I'm yelling all day long. Yesterday I decided that after a long morning of making food, picking up thrown food, collecting one kid who ran from me when I told them time for diaper change/potty, wrasslin' then to get on clothes, rinse and repeat with other child, they pull out all books, we put back books, cannot find shoe that's gotten lost in the 30 seconds, find it, run away from me while trying to get them into car, resists carseat....you get the idea. It's like herding cats. Anyway, I decided that i would treat myself to a starbucks drink. I can sit in a comfy car and enjoy my beverage. Unfortunately becca did scream at me because she didn't like the choice of movie in the car. I wait in 15 min Sbux line and literally as I pull up to order they tell me they have to close effective immediately. This is my life.

Such a first world problem. But it felt like a personal affront. I need a break. A real break. I know so many don't get them. I don't know why I 'need" it. Maybe I'm not as good of a mom. But I do. I need it. Desperately. Perhaps the mere planning of a break would be enough. I'm talking more than a long weekend. I need 5-7 nights away from my kids. Preferably somewhere hot.

But last night fortunately I was able to make it happen for the night. We had an overnight babysitter and we went to a great steakhouse and had ****tails and a nice juicy ribeye. We played pool and pinball. And this morning I have had two cups of coffee in silence. At least maybe today I can be closer to 50% charge.

Oh, BB! Your description of a day in the life made me exhausted and laugh at the same time. I so feel for you! And several SBs around me have closed too in the last week. I wonder if they've had Covid outbreaks. They haven't put up signs in the windows to say they're closed. Just locked the doors.

Yes, AZ was top of my list until they voted in a 77% income tax increase. There are constitutional challenges to in process, but it doesn't sound like they'll win. So AZ is out. No sense jumping out of the highest tax state to the 10th highest.

And you're right about the leper status and blame game for people who catch Covid. I find myself doing it sometimes, looking for where they let their guard down, but we've never blamed people for catching the flu like we do for Covid. Good food for thought!

Having two little ones so close together is exhausting for everyone. When mine were little we had a regular babysitter for one night a week just to make sure we had time together and away from the kids.

I do plan to continue seeing Mike, but I think being together every single day is too much this early in our relationship.

I fully expected to have Covid by now. DH works retail management. I was back at school. Turns out neither of those environments have led to big spreading events. There have been a handful of people at DH's job with positive tests, but no spread within the staff, so far. Several young people whose direct contact was at a college town bar.

I will still have my son and his girlfriend at our house for Christmas. If we end up with Covid, the risk to others is minimal.

Weight down from yesterday, back to Tuesday's weight.

This morning I had a patio cover repair guy out to give me an estimate for repairing dry rot on several of my pergola timbers. Another expensive, but necessary repair. I think I will get another estimate for this one to be safe. Now just to figure out who from... I wonder if soaring lumber prices aren't helping?

It's chilly here this morning! I have two drive thru errands today (post office and pharmacy) and pick up the one thing I forgot at the grocery store, but that's it. Kind of nice.

Liz, I too am guilty of parenting my parent. It's a hard impulse to stifle.

Good morning from cold and rainy California! It's in the upper 40s which is cold for here when it rains. It is very late in the season for the rain to be starting, so it is welcome. The only thing I dislike about the rain is muddy paws.

Like DD I planned to sleep in this morning. I got up to let my old girl out around 6:15 and then I dozed until 8. I lay there hoping to go back to sleep, but no such luck, so I got up. Dogs were happy about that!

My mood is improved. I had a session with the NUT therapist yesterday. Apparently I am in the "it-gets-worse-before-it-gets-better" phase. Totally normal, I have been assured. Yesterday's session was interesting. I was able to glean a few more bits of self truth during my catharsis. Some of this stuff is hard to work through.... childhood "damage" is deep rooted and hard to shake. I am also beginning to notice how some of my "stuff" is fear based from childhood, too. Fascinating and frustrating to peel away the layers.

Weight is up slightly. I am a pound over my self imposed high limit of acceptability. With my eating choices and my ED in its full glory this week, I am not surprised and okay with the slight gain. I was not trying to lose weight, so I have to accept that my eating was conducive to weight gain and be at peace with that. That little bit of understanding does provide a great level of self compassion.

Diane Ocean's point yesterday about us not all being in the same place at the same time was much appreciated by me. For some reason that just struck me as comforting. Darling Sadie. It seems she is too young for arthritis, but I know she isn't. Your devotion to her makes my insides smile.

CC - I have decided there is no perfect place to live! You'll just have to go with your gut in the end. I do agree with you that So Cal is not the place to be. LA, San Bernadino, and Orange Counties are too densely populated for me. Just getting across town can be a major traffic event. What in my area of the state might be a 30 minute drive for you could take 2 hours with traffic. I am sure your quality of life could be better and your taxes could be much less. Check out Bluffton, SC. It meets all your requirements.

BB - your motherhood sounds perfectly normal! Delightful and frustrating all wrapped up in one. The nice thing is that your girls are so close in age that it will be done and over pretty much at the same time. Suddenly they will both be in elementary school and you will miss the days they were little. In the meantime, they are partners in crime and you will get two years back to back of the terrible twos, thrilling threes, and the ferocious fours!

Liz, I totally understand where you are coming from. I think the fact that you cleaned out your things from Mike's place is rather telling. As a guy, I think your message is loud and clear. When Mike realizes all your stuff is gone, he'll get it, too.

Covid contraction.... hadn't thought about blaming people for getting the virus, but I think there is some validity to that. I don't think we blame doctors or other health care providers for getting sick, but I know that if my SIL, BIL or niece (or any member of her immediately family) got sick I would be inclined to believe it was their own damn fault and it served them right.

Our staff holiday party was yesterday. It was a zoom painting party. Lots of fun really. I'll put my painting below.

Well, I have NOTHING on the books for today. An absolute treat and much needed free day to do with as I please. Tomorrow is the same! Lucky, lucky me!

Another facet of Peps! That painting is really good!

I'll look up Beaufort... And you're right, no place is perfect! I've learned to be careful about telling people where you're thinking about moving, because everyone can find something negative to share about every place you mention.