12/11/2020, TGIF

Finally feeling so much better !! One of the things I appreciate so much about this group is that we don't all hit rough patches at the same time.. there is always a voice of calm and reason to prevail ! Liz, good for you for doing what you need to do for you. Some time apart may help you both valuate things. Ceci, so sorry you were ghosted regarding your book sales. Lesson learned. DD, I so hope you can get to FL in the new year. Diane.. I saw your sweet slugs on the studio site on FB ! Shirl...sending positive thoughts your way for the new job !! BB, your dinner plates always look so tasty !! Miss Bonnie, it is so wonderful to have you back !! You were missed ! Peps, hope things are settling better for you. These weeks before the holiday are challenging in the best of times.

I take Sadie for her annual check-up this afternoon. Typically, this is the time of year I am recertifying her as a therapy dog, and the Vet signs off on required shots/testing. Covid caused Therapy Dogs International to institute a moratorium on therapy visits in March 2020, which is still in place. I have decided not to recertify Sadie as I don't envision her returning to formal therapy work. In addition to Covid, the beginning of arthritis is making her tactilely sensitive in certain areas intermittently, so it is time.

Love to all ! Have a great day !

So glad you are feeling better Diane! I still seem to be sleeping very deeply as I have been since the beginning of Covid. I don't feel slow or fatigued during the day but I fall right asleep which isn't the norm for me.

I am at Mike's until tomorrow when I will drive back to my place in preparation for my flying out. I am trying not to make it too obvious that I am pretty much taking everything back with me as I think it may scare him. I know he felt the same about us not feeling very close while we were quarantined but I don't think he understands the issues: Not enough alone time and his more than a little slobbiness. I think I have only been to the store once or twice alone since we drove to Florida. I do walk with my friends here, but he is very needy about spending time together. I didn't realize that he has few friends locally - almost all are childhood friends and mostly live in Massachusetts. He commented yesterday that our 2 hour 45 minute drive in separate cars to his place was the longest we have been separate since October 12. That's actually a little frightening to me.

So yes, a break is a good idea! I told DS about my bout with Covid yesterday and he hung up on me! Then he called SIL and told her he thought I would be a carrier of it for several weeks (luckily I had already told her). She had dinner with him to calm him down, armed with info from the local Covid help line and CDC FAQs. I think DS has drunk the NPR koolaid and is seeing death around every corner. I told him because I thought he would be relieved that I can't give it to anyone when I come home and instead he is assuming that I have something more like leprosy. Sigh...

Hopefully he will get over it. In the meantime the weather here is great the next couple of days so I plan to enjoy it as much as possible before returning to the deeper cold. The 10 day forecast at home isn't super cold, but the daytime temps will be what we have had at night here. Justice and I will have to reacclimate.

Have a safe and healthy day!

Have you talked to Mike about the slobbiness and alone time issues? Those feel like they might be addressable, but also things that can fester if not talked about and acted on... (while fully acknowledging addressing these things while locked up with the person in question while both having Covid would not have been the time!)

Kind of (on the sloppiness). He knows our standards are very different. Also kind of on the alone time. But we shall see. Right now I think we are suffering from too much time together too quickly.

Having some time apart makes sense. You went off together on a fun vacation, and ended up living together. And then you are in different environments than your home turf, without some of the natural routines, chores, distractions that break up the non stop togetherness. My husband is my absolute, favorite person in the whole world, and he keeps me laughing most days, but I don't think I could spend that much time together. It's nice to go off on separate adventures, and have stories to share at dinner. It's nice to be apart so you can miss each and remember why you like each other, instead of thinking, if you leave another banana peel on the coffee table ... This break should tell you a lot, whether you miss him or just feel relief.

Weight up slightly. Normal fluctuations. Eating was good yesterday.

Yesterday's anxiety was bad. I forgot a phone meeting with my dad and the real estate agent who came to look at the house. It wraps me up and I forget things as the focus on the feelings chokes out everything else. It's like a smothering feeling that something is wrong. And my brain is constantly searching for the source. Sometimes it lands on things (the eBay debacle, the stucco people not giving me a firm date so I can't get the landscapers scheduled, the where should I move question, that none of my friends like the idea of Texas, that I haven't decorated anything for Christmas) and then wallows in it while it also chews on my insides. Other times it can't find a source so it skips like a record constantly searching. Is this what anxiety feels like for other people?

This morning feels a little better. I have my therapist in a half hour, so hopefully that centers me a bit too.

Anyway, nothing else going on here...

This time last year when I felt overwhelming anxious it was because I felt I had no control over anything. I couldn't fix any of the major issues. I also wondered if this was what constant anxiety felt like and realized how debilitating it was.

Sounds tough, and very exhausting. I do know that feeling of hyper vigilance, but not being able to pinpoint the trigger. The little kid in me knows that's how you survive, the adult knows we're safe. Sometimes the little kid wins, sometimes the adult prevails. The older I've grown, the quieter the little kid gets, but she still shows up.

Ocean Diane, wonderful that you're feeling better. Tell Sadie thanks for all the comfort she brought to people who needed it, and now it's time to enjoy retirement.

Incredibly stressful day, in ways that are hard to describe. But I feel there is a difference between stress and anxiety. Both wear you out, but with stress, I can usually see a light at the end of the tunnel. After multiple webex meetings, phone calls with parents, putting out fires, dealing with student behaviors, having the incompetence of coworkers create more problems for me to fix (and I am usually very flexible and don't get my panties in a bunch, but get your $#! together!) I closed my laptop at quitting time and poured a glass of very nice Malbec. And it is Friday my friends. I am vowing not to look at my work email until Sunday. Ah, room to breathe. Maybe more Malbec. Going to watch a musical tonight, The Prom, with Meryl Streep. And sleep in tomorrow. See, stress already dropping a few notches.