Thursday, November 5, 2020

Nail-biting election. Hopefully soon we will know for sure who the next president will be.

Mike and I went to Captiva for the day and out to an Italian restaurant for dinner last night for our dating "anniversary". Too many calories/points to count. It was mostly a good day but I was in a funk for a while. I think it was my own insecurities and envy? He showed me the resort he has stayed at a couple of times a year for the last 20 years and it isn't a place I would have even had on any radar for my family due to the cost. Beautiful place and the money he must have dropped for a week there boggles my mind. It is truly just my own issues to feel overwhelmed by it, but I rarely feel that way so I don't know why it arose so strongly yesterday. I guess the comparison of my modest community vs. his in Florida started it a bit. I have been paying half of most expenses so I wonder if he thinks I have similar resources? Either he has a lot more or is much more of a spendthrift than me. I feel like I have spent most of my life being super careful about spending to make sure we had enough for the important things like a home, college, etc. I still feel that way even though it is just me now. Adjustments I guess. If we continue to stay together we will have to discuss money but I don't feel ready to do that at this point.

Anyway, stay safe, healthy, and pray for a peaceful presidential determination soon!

Weight up a bit. Normal fluctuations.

You all know I have issues with my overall size. Being 6 ft tall, not supermodel framed size-wise even at a normal weight, and currently overweight makes me very self-conscious. But that has always come from my own personal assessment and I try to tell myself I'm not monstrous in my person or in the room I take up. My hairdresser has done my hair for decades. We know each other well and I consider her a friend. She is a lifetime WW person. She's medium height, not overweight, but not tiny either. So we were talking about Covid weight and I mentioned that I've been making progress getting mine off. Somehow she starts in on how I'm just a "really large girl" and "a sturdy big German type" (while making Arnold Schwarzenegger arms). Then she said I must hear that all the time and don't I get tired of how often people must tell me how large I am? I didn't know what to say. It's my nightmare of how other people might view me, why no one is ever interested in dating me, why I feel stared at so often. I got out that she's the only person who's ever said that to me, and I think I was nervous laughing because I didn't know what else to do, but I don't think she heard me as she continued on the path. It was awful. It's just more incentive to get the weight off. I've felt for much of my life that you can be really tall and acceptable, fat and acceptable, but God help you if you're both. Another bright side of moving - a reason to get a new hair person...

I have PT again today, but nothing else planned. Maybe I'll look for some more items to sell on NextDoor. I'm up to $225! I also need to vacuum out my car. I'd take it to the car wash, but it's supposed to rain here this weekend (yay). So nothing major today.

Take care all and have a good day!

What the !!!!!!! Seriously - There is no way you are any of what she described....... Not even slightly ! Did she only pause to pop the other foot in her mouth too.......I hope she does a 130% job on your hair cause after that I wouldnt be wanting to go back to her.... Im so sorry you had to endure this crap and easy for me to say but ignore it. You are a beautiful person inside and out xxxx Proud to call you my friend. Big Hugs xxx

Oh, Ceci! That's simply awful! I feel your upset and insecurity and all that goes with it. Truly, the woman is clueless - especially since she has done your hair for so many years!!!! So sorry. A fellow VSGer once remarked to me, "OMG! You were fat, short and BALD???? That must have been just awful! God, I can't imagine..." Then she went on to say things like thank God you did something about how horrible you looked. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. And coming from someone who had been MO herself. People are thoughtless and cruel sometimes. It hurts.

I envy you your height and think your photos show that you are a beautiful woman!

Thank you, Devon! What is wrong with people who can't tell when they are poking at someone's deepest insecurities? Just because they may be visible doesn't mean it doesn't hurt if other's comment on them.

For what it's worth, I never would have described you as bald (or short or fat for that matter!) from your pictures. In fact, I rarely consider/notice men's hair or lack thereof unless they fully shave their head or still have a freakishly full head of hair for their age.

No No and No to that person !!!!

I have had the homour to meet you face to face Peps and cant speak highly enough of the beautiful, handsome, smart and caring person you are. Your eyes sparkle as you smile and you make people feel instantly comfortable.

What is wrong with people these days!

In a world where we can be anything - BE KIND !

Definitely get a new hair person. How insensitive!!!! And wrong!!!!

I feel kind of livid reading what she said to you. What on earth?!!! You are such a lovely, smart, funny, kind person. I think sometimes when you're nice, some people think they can say whatever they want. I'm so sorry that happened.

The worst part was I think she trying to make me feel better somehow? Like of course I'm going to weigh more because I'm soooo laaaaarge. Argh! Thank you for all the nice things you said! (All of you!)

I HATE it when our deepest, darkest insecurities are called out !! Find a new hairdresser !!! You are beautiful, inside AND out !!