10/28/2020 Wednesday

"I feel bad about myself when other people who I know also struggle with weight are doing well and I'm not doing well. So when I'm in a good place, I 1) don't want to make anyone else feel bad like I might feel and 2) know that any time I start to think l have it figured out, I fall off the rails and then feel embarrassed for ever feeling confident in my approach in the first place. So I try not to talk about it too much. Argh. This whole process is very humbling."

Exactly THIS. Navigating the big picture of a balanced, healthy life is so complex and ever morphing. Moving further away from surgery and 2020 have only added to the daily challenges we face. Peps, I agree that our typical posts are much different now than in 2015, when I found my tribe here. I am much different. This has always been a place we can feel safe putting some of our inner most thoughts out there. More to come...

Our inner thoughts guide our approach/success in weight maintenance and loss I think. So that may be why over time we have morphed? This is a safe place where we can exchange those thoughts which may be undermining our ability to control our weight. IMHO

Yesterday was a good day with Mike. Beach, then out for drinks at an Oceanside place and Taco Tuesday at the restaurant in Gloria Estafan's Hotel. All at Happy Hour prices. The short-rib taco was phenomenal and I only had one. But with a few glasses of wine...

Today involves a morning walk, bill paying, a zoom with friends, and meeting Mike's FBI son for the first time for dinner and car exchange (Mike has the Jeep at the Cape in the summer and a BMW here in the winter - his son uses the car not used by Mike). Hopefully the son will be friendly. He sounds like he is wound tight like my son and I know he doesn't get along with his Mom. Hopefully he is ok with his Dad having a girlfriend? I have to figure out what to wear for this son meeting...

Have a safe, healthy, and smoke-free day!

I can only speak for myself about hearing the stories of everyone's success and struggles. It's easy for me to follow my plan until it's not easy. I don't know if the switch flips for some chemical, hormonal, or psychological reason, or a combination of these reasons. So if I'm struggling, I know there will probably come a time when I'm not as much. If I'm feeling the sweet rush of the scale responding as I hope, I try to enjoy it that day. It is humbling, I never, never judge others when they struggle, because I have no answers, no key to success. I try hard not to judge myself. I know, on the whole, even with regain I claim my surgery as a success. Am I better off healthwise and emotionally than I was in 2012. Yes!!!! Is my life perfect? No. Will it ever be? No. But if I won a lottery??? (Just kidding).

I did go back and read some posts from when this group began. One thing that jumped out, the giddiness of being a year or two out from surgery. It made me nostalgic for that time of rediscovery, what life felt like having escaped my "fat prison".Like most good things in life, the beginning is very exciting, but there is something also very lovely about the wisdom we bring to experiences when we're many years into them.

I also wonder, where did all those people go over the years? Are they off leading their successful post VSG lives, and no longer need to work at maintenance? Did they struggle alone? Somewhere in between?

Question: What supplements are people still taking?

I take a multivitamin, extra vitamin D, Pepcid, and subliminal B12. I'm terrible at taking my calcium, although I do get the minimum daily requirement, sometimes more, through food. I should get some citrate chews, maybe I'd be more inclined. I forget to take my calcium, because everything else I take all at once, before bed. But calcium needs to be separate from the vitamin, and in multiple doses ... Good thing I didn't get a gastric bypass, my blood work reports would probably be atrocious.

I will add extra iron for awhile and see if that helps my fatigue...

I want some subliminal B12, too.... (Don't you just love how every so often auto correct makes something humorous!)....

I am probably an over achiever in the supplement department. Here goes:

Daily: Multivitamin, Calcium Citrate 1500 mg, fish oil3 600 mg, vitamin D, Vitamin E, Zinc, Copper 4mg, B1 (100mg 3 times per week), B12 2500 mcg 3 times per week.

I take a multivitamin, a b-complex, a D3 tablet (I read the gels are not as effective as the chalky tablets), magnesium because I get foot and leg cramps, a fish oil, and a few for hair health. I take iron at TOM.

I take a Bariatric vitamin capsule with all my surgeons recommended additions including iron, plus 1500 in calcium Citrate (via 3 chews a day). I had to reduce my vitamin in half from what the manufacturer suggests as I was too high in a few things, especially vitamin D (which I was getting from the vitamin and the chews). I have osteopenia so I have to do the calcium. I spread them out by a minimum of two hours in between. And of course the vitamin has to be separated by at least 1/2 hour or so from dairy products because of the iron.

I will add to what I posted yesterday, I hope NONE of those thoughts I wrote EVER make you not want to share that you're doing great (or not). Because at a logical level I could not be happier to see each and every one of you succeed at this!!! My envy is never your problem!

Now onto the very 2020 part of my post. Late yesterday afternoon I threw my back out with such gusto I almost passed out. Like I literally lost my sight and hearing for a minute. My friend called just after I did it and I was shaking/chattering and crying so hard I could hardly put a sentence together to explain what had happened and couldn't hear him through the ringing in my ears. All I did was bend forward a few degrees to reach for something. I called my doctor and told him what leftover narcotics I had from my kidney stones and plastics (diazepam, Percocet, Vicodin, morphine). As he was listing off which ones were more mild I was crossing those off my list. The strongest I guess is the Percocet. So I went with that. I actually was able to sleep last night, miracle of miracles. But I'm counting the minutes until my next dose. They make me nauseous when I stand up and I hate the stoned feeling, but the less pain part is heaven. He says he wants me to see a physical therapist once the pain comes down a bit. I've never had back issues but this is the second time during Covid I've done this, this one being 100 times worse than the last. I clearly have some weaknesses that need work!

So I am doing nothing today...

That sounds like a nightmare! I wonder if you had a previous injury, that is now showing itself more aggressively. My daughter used to throw her back out just doing things like bending over to pet a dog. It was so puzzling, especially since what she did was not a big deal, and she was so young. When she was 24, she threw it out big time. It turned out she has a condition that is the opposite of a bulging disc, she has a disc that is sliding back. (There's a fancy name for it, I forget). But with PT, she lives much more comfortably now. The only thing that changed permanently, is her therapist told her no more running/jogging, but walking is very encouraged. In her rehabbing, she did get a toilet seat riser for an old school toilet in her apartment, a memory foam cushion she still brings lots of places, and (you probably don't want to hear this one) a foldable cane. She only used the cane in the immediate aftermath of healing. It did help her get pulled out of the regular TSA check into precheck a couple of times! She also loves having one of those body pillows. She used to sleep with a pillow between her legs, but she says this is even better.

Once your acute phase subsides, I would think you should have an x Ray. That's all it took to diagnose my daughter. And hopefully they would find nothing amiss with you, and treat whatever muscular thing is going on, but I'd want to know for sure. My daughter had PT several times before someone decided to x Ray her.

Your poor daughter!

I blame myself. I stopped Pilates before Covid and my walks are sporadic at best. My core is not strong, which is fine until it's not! I will do the PT though, if only to try to prevent this in the future!

As I move around it felt a bit less stiff, but then I threw up from the meds. It's a bit like motion sickness when I stand. I ate and took an omeprazole and the nausea stopped. Such fun...