09/23/2020, Hump Day

Quick 4:30 AM dash home to settle the dogs, shower and do laundry before heading on the two hour trip to Syracuse VA to have DC's pacemaker lead recalibrated. Will grab lunch with my brother and head back for dinner at our favorite restaurant to celebrate 1^st anniversary of marriage, sleep in our own beds, then will head back to our site early tomorrow AM. Our site is difficult to get, as it is so spacious, so we have to clear out for the weekend, but we can park the RV in the overflow lot and return to it and our site Sunday noon through the 1^st. We have the site again the 12^th through the 19^th, when the campground closes for the season. We'll then have SS winterized until Covid and our country settle enough to consider traveling.

+/+Good morning dear VSG'ers

I feel like I'm in such a weird spot. Maybe that's most of us. How differently this year has gone from expected. I'm trying to look at the positives but I'm exhausted of trying to do so. I'm sure God was trying to teach me a lesson with this year and something about blooming where you are planted and He will provide etc. But I guess I'm not a very good student! Because I just really miss and crave everything I used to do. And not knowing when (if??) it'll ever go back is so hard. I know we've all got to be feeling it by this point! And just all the negativity in the world. An election year doesn't help things!!

Well I guess I'll do my part to keep searching out those bright spots and some things I can control and making those things the things I'm grateful for!

I have definitely felt more in control of my weight recently, which is such a blessing! I'm going to keep a lot of my fall rituals, even if they look different. I'll dress my kids up for Halloween. Not sure if we'll go trick-or-treating yet, or to some other event, or if there will be social-distanced parades. But by golly we will have costumes and pictures! Mums and pumpkins make me happy. And I should really be taking advantage of all the curbside pickup, etc. What a blessing for mom of a 1 and 2 year old!!!

Things I'm really missing, though:

CERTAINTY

The gym. They're open, but no childcare. I've enjoyed walks outside with the girls and the weather has been great but Oklahoma is pretty funny like that in that it goes from sweltering heat to unpredictable, windy, and cold, seemingly overnight! I kind of want to start some kind of online regimen (maybe 12 weeks?) ahead of the holidays.

Church. I have been so missing community. There's just no replacement. And it's finally getting to the point of really impacting my mood. Church starts back up this week with masks and spaced seating. Not sure yet if I'll attend, though. But the thought of Advent without church makes me so very sad. Again: things we can control. I need to start preparing now for a Christmas that will look different, and ways I can make it feel MORE special.

I agree that having little control or certainty is really difficult. I haven't missed much yet but am concerned about what the holidays will be like. Since I am going to Florida, I have to plan my return time at Christmas to include about a week for Covid testing and quarantining until I get the results. And who knows what Thanksgiving will be like in Florida? I usually don't do much, but DD is planning on coming and so were Mike's children. However that may change - decision to be made at the end of October.

Busy day for you. Happy Anniversary!!!

Weight 123.8. Yep, over range now. Arghhh... my own fault. I am blaming going out, but that really isn't it. If I stopped the stupid snacking I wouldn't be going up.

With that said, I had a nice family meal with DS, DSD, and SIL last night and ate stuff I shouldn't have. Tonight I am out to dinner with Mike, a very close long term friend of his and the friend's wife. Fancy restaurant but Mike says they are sort of quiet understated people so maybe they are trying to impress me??? Anyway I have decided on black pants, a sweater and heels instead of a dress.

I hope you all have a safe, healthy and social day!

Off to my last radiation treatment and then later this afternoon I will meet with my medical oncologist who will tell me what medication they will be recommending to ruin (did I say ruin? Surely I meant save) my life. Anyhow, maybe I'll get lucky and not have the more onerous side effects. If I do, there are some other options, including refusing treatment. I don't think it will come to that.

Going to be a glorious day! DH made dinner reservations for a patio at a charming French restaurant to celebrate the end of radiation. I warned him I may not feel up to it. He understood, but he wanted to get a reservation just in case, and will cancel if needed.

Learning to live with uncertainty.... 2020 is definitely teaching us many things about what we actually control. I try to reassure myself that the world has experienced many cataclysmic events, and yet, over time, we went back to church, traveling, to theaters, to restaurants, weddings and funerals, huge sporting events and standing shoulder to shoulder on NYE. It will happen again for us some day.

I truly hope that the future meds allow you to live life comfortably. I also echo your hope that eventually we go back to "normal" (perhaps a new version of it but one we can enjoy and literally live with).

Scale moved up slightly, but not a lot. Yesterday I walked with my friend, but as we were walking I noticed that pulled muscle feeling in the middle/right of my back that comes at the fullest part of a breath. The exact same feeling I had with my PE two years ago. I contacted my doctor and he squeezed me in for a blood test called a D-Dimer that can rule out a blood clot. I should have the results this morning. Honestly, the fact that something that could have killed me felt like a simple pulled muscle has really messed with my head! My do-I-seek-medical-care scale of "no big deal" to "life threatening" is now all out of whack. Hopefully I just overreacted. I am on a half dose of anti-coagulants so that's some protection. It hurts less today so maybe that points to it being muscle pain?

Aside from waiting for that, Ferg has an eye checkup today. Nothing else planned.

Ooh! And my house cleaners called and said they are working again! They come next week. So I have a week to make it look like I haven't been living like an animal for 7 months. No one knows the real you like a house cleaner who sees all your dirt.

I sure hope it isn't a PE! And yeah for housekeeping! I was amused when Mike said yesterday that if I hang out with him in Vero Beach he may have the housekeepers come every couple of weeks. Apparently he usually just uses them before he goes, when he leaves and when someone rents it. I guess he is willing to be trained to meet my needs - LOL!

PS - at the doctor's office they needed to use the big blood pressure cuff because of my covid gain. So embarrassing. And yet more motivation to get back to a low weight.

I always ask for the big one, no matter my weight. The loose skin seems to interfere with my readings. Same with my skin apron at the airport. It reads as me having something under my shirt when I go through the full body scans. Yeah, I got something alright, a good handful of loose skin! Now with regain, it doesn't happen as much. Scanner must recognize fat better than hanging skin. Post WLS life is full of weird moments.