Saturday, July 25, 2020

Weight 122.6. Time to NOT eat the donuts. I wasn't really eating any, but 5 meals out at restaurants this week was not good. "Vacation" time is over!

Speaking of which I am going to tell David that we should stop seeing one another. Though he is a nice and interesting man we are SO different. Even if we weren't I am not ready to see anyone as frequently as he wants to. But it is the former that is more important. He is almost the opposite from me in everything. I was taking him out of his comfort zone as he really would prefer to stay in his darkened house, preferably in a bunker, and only interact with most people via zoom. Anyway, I have my "speech" prepared and am calling him later this morning. This is the downside of dating...

Other than that, I may kayak or maybe just float around in the pond on a blow-up mattress. It is going to be HOT out there today.

Have a safe and healthy Saturday!

I hope bidding David goodbye doesn't/didn't turn into a drama.

More sitting around and reading here. My birthday is next week, and DH asked do you want to do something fun on your birthday? I said what would you suggest? Then we both laughed. Because what options are there? Maybe dinner on a restaurant patio. I'm not sure if I should be venturing out yet.

I have an appointment next Tuesday to consult with the doctor who will be my oncologist. I'm actually looking forward to it because I have a lot of questions and she will have the pathology report.

No drama. He was surprised but a gentleman. I knew he would be. So that's done...

This Saturday is sunny with a slight breeze every now and then. Temperatures are supposed to rise up to the 90s. It's 78 right now in the shade here. Looks like it's going to be a perfect summer day for around here.

What to do, what to do? Lots that I could do, but I am feeling indulgently lazy. I think I will work on my refi application, do some cleaning. I have 4 books that I haven't even cracked yet, that I could start, too.

Liz, I'm glad David was a gentleman. As for Chubby Man, remember to not judge the book by its cover. As you know, obesity is a multifaceted issue. You may actually be an inspiration for him. (Yes, I'm afraid I took your comment personally - even though I completely understand your point of view.... Your comment spoke to one of my own insecurities. I often felt that I was unworthy of someone's interest because he was too smart, too thin, too well educated and well positioned in life to possibly be interested in imperfect me. Today, I am always amazed by people's view of me as a young man. It is so different from my own..... )

I expected to see a bounce back up in weight today. No particular reason other than just because and I did eat Mexican take away last night from our favorite place. But nope. My body decided to stay put at 266.7. I'm guessing this is a real weight. I drank lots of water yesterday, ate normally, and did yoga. Water, Food, and exercise can be my trifecta for a temporary gain, so I'm calling this 266.7 a real weight. Hey, if I lose another 2 pounds over the next weeks or months, that will be the first 10 pounds I have ever lost without dieting. That's something to consider!

There is something about Yoga that I love and hate all at the same time. I am still trying to figure out why some moves are horribly difficult for me and others are a snap. I am realizing that almost any move that involves active engagement of my hip flexors is very hard to sustain. The burn is REAL! Core work is pretty easy, except holding a true Yoga Push up position plank for more than 45 seconds is a challenge.

Costco has filet mignon on sale for $10 a pound. The add got me hankering for a steak, so I guess that is what is going on the grill tonight! Yum! Speaking of Costco.... Keto guru and exercise guy Thomas DeLauer did a good video about healthier pantry items found at Costco. If you're interested, it's a good watch, though a bit long because there is no glitz. You watch him go up and down the aisles and listen to his commentary on product ingredients. Thomas DeLauer Costco pantry shopping

Enjoy your Saturday, peeps!

Interesting point on the "chubby" guy. I think it scares me that I would be less vigilant about my eating if I spent time with someone who snacks a lot. Partially because DH never did so at least his food wasn't a temptation for me. Even so I still was wanting to snack constantly (still feel that way a lot of the time).

I completely understand. When I decided it was no longer okay for me to drink alcohol I chose to not hang around people who drank a lot. Years later, I don't mind being with true social drinkers, but I have a difficult time being with people who consume a lot of wine or liquor.

Ron is very much like your Paul was - tall and naturally thin. The only difference is that Ron can pack it away. After he turned 60 he started gaining weight. He probably has gained 30-40 pounds over his ideal. I will admit, too, that his love of eating did have an influence on me at times. Eventually, I learned though that I was a very skilled pusher of food on my own! LOL!

So, I want to put this out for everyone here to consider: As a formerly, or currently obese or moderately overweight person, do you have a prejudice against "fat people"? Be honest.

Socially, intellectually I do not. However, I do not find obese men attractive on a surface level. So in that regards, I do have a prejudice. If I were "hunting" for a mate, I would most dismiss that Chubby fellow across the room. It is this same prejudice that has colored my own self image, I believe. Though, I do seem to hold myself to an even higher level of expectation when it comes to my own body. All that said, I have a friend who is straight, very overweight, but very talented, intelligent, giving, accepting, firey, and very sexy. I had a "man crush" on him for years because of who he was, not because of what he looked like. I wonder sometimes if other people who are obese have a secret prejudice against other obese people as I have had.

I'm not proud of this. it has been a very hard truth for me to accept and work on fixing. I think it is discussion worthy subject.

One of my big weaknesses is using other people's food indulgences as "permission" to indulge myself. I so frequently feel judged by others (most likely projection, but still), so having those same others choosing unhealthy foods or eating a lot feels like a free pass to do the same - free from judgement. So me dating someone with food issues would be like a fragile AA member dating an out of control alcoholic.

One of the things I'm working on with my therapist is not looking to others for approval. I think this is part of it.

Otherwise, I don't have an aesthetic problem with dating a chubby person.

That's it exactly: I do that when I am with women friends who snack too (use it as permission in my head to overindulge). That's why I am generally safe with SIL because she is just like DH - almost never snacks!

Interesting to think about. I met my husband when I was 22 and weighed 135 pounds. He had some extra weight, and still does. And also, he is a good looking man now, and he was smoking hot when I was 22. So his extra weight didn't turn me off at all. But it is true, he got a little fatter, and I got very fat. But even had I married a naturally thin man, I believe obesity was my destiny.

I starved myself and exercised like a fool to be 135 pounds. About around 25 my weight increased exponentially. ( and may I do a shout out to the man who never complained once when I gained over a 100 pounds) Weirdly, the same thing happened with my brother, who is six years younger. He was a normal weight in his early 20s, then bam! Started gaining weight around 25'. Keep in mind we hadn't lived in the same house since he was 12. Our parents were both normal weight. They were not food pushers, proponents of a clean plate, we mostly ate at home... indeed, obesity is multifaceted.

I get the need to protect our food sobriety too. My family is very good about keeping tempting food out of sight if I ask. My downfall is not always being strong enough to say, can you store these cookies where I can't see them?