Monday, July 20, 2020

Weight 121.4. More snacks than needed but they were healthy ones.

It is gloomy this morning and I am feeling down. Might be related...

Yesterday was a fully day kayaking in the morning, getting DS covid tested in the early afternoon (negative thank goodness), and a long Justice walk along the beach in late afternoon.

Not much on the agenda today other than possible food shopping and Justice walking. I also have a bereavement support meeting at 11. In the meantime I need to get breakfast and a shower.

Have a safe and healthy day!

Not much happening here today. Cooler and a bit overcast. Since we've had a run of 90s, it's a nice change of pace.

I've been tearing through books lately. Yesterday I finished Song of Achilles. Interesting retelling of the Illiad, not normally my genre, but I thought I'd branch out.

My weight is up a bit, but I've knowingly ate off plan, so it's expected. Tomorrow is surgery, so I have to start fasting tonight. DH reminded me to not get freaked out about a weight uptick because I'll probably have extra fluids after surgery from the iv.

I'll probably start another book today, and do some weeding in my flower beds.

It's been kind of quiet here. I look forward to everyone's post, and hearing about their day. Would love to hear from all of the tribe.

Good luck tomorrow Diane. I will be thinking about you. I'm sure all will go well.

Best of luck tomorrow, DD! We'll all be thinking about you!

Merry Monday to all! LOL! Since when have Mondays been considered merry?

Diamond D., wishing you the best tomorrow. My hope is that the surgeon has a steady hand and that the cancer is completely and expertly removed from your body and that will be that. The rest will be preventative and restorative. You will be in our prayers tonight.

Liz, I really do love your anniversary idea. I also like the idea of seeing David only twice per week. In my experience, people like Paula are the rarity. Not too many people find the next Mr. Right so easily and right away. If your guard is up, it is up for a reason.

I have spent a great deal of quiet time thinking about my desire to lose weight matching my willingness to change my behavior. The more and more I sit with this idea, the more and more I understand my emotional role in weight loss. I can't say where I stand for sure on what my next steps will be.

After talking through the "I don't think you really want to lose weight," comment with the nut, one of the things that came to light is that the phrase, "I want to lose weight." has really become just background noise for me. It is said without much emotion. It's what I have been saying for 40+ years. I want to lose weight, I need to lose weight, I should lose weight. It is a phrase that echos in my mind every single God given day. It's really become nothing more than white noise in the background. It's close to meaningless. There is such a disconnect between the want and the action. it's actually fascinating when pondered. What "I want to lose weight" really means is "I want to be thin". Losing weight takes action. Being thin is passive. I have been invested the passive outcome rather than the active process.

Over the past months, I've actually learned how to eat to maintain my weight. I can pretty much eat whatever I want right now and stay within a 2 pound range. That is awesome. I'm practicing maintenance, albeit at a much higher weight than I would like.

So, the question now has to be broken down into several sub questions. It kind of breaks down like this for me: Do you want to lose weight? If so, are you willing to make the changes needed to lose weight? If I'm not willing to make the changes needed to lose weight, then I have to not use the phrase I want to lose weight after deciding I really don't want to make the changes to lose weight. I need to reframe my mindset to, I don't want to actively lose weight this week. If I am ready to make some changes, what changes can I make so that I don't trigger my depravation mode?

This is where I am struggling today. I am not sure what changes I am willing to make to honor the "I want to lose weight" statement. An interesting place to be for sure.

What I am pleased about is that I am able to still focus on this kind of healing during the pandemic.

Off to run errands and get some chores done around here.

Hugs and cheers to all.

The I want to be thin vs. I want to lose weight idea is so interesting, Devon...

Tell me! It's really mind blowing and eye opening when I think how the difference applies to me.

But it makes a lot of sense to me and it explains a lot to me on a personal level. It may not be the same for everyone, but for me it seems to make things very much clearer.

It's that "active or passive" idea that has my mind reeling...something in there, for sure.

An eye-opener for sure. Thank you for sharing as I think it is worth contemplating for all of us (active vs passive desires).

Good Morning All

Another day of the working week..... Cold wet & miserable - kinda suits my mood this morning. Feeling fatigued with everything thats going on in our world at the moment. Try to stay busy but it gets you down. Miss seeing my kids and grandbabies most of all. Then have waves of guilt as we are all healthy - Im thankful for that.

From midnight tommorrow, every person in the lockdown areas has to wear a mask when leaving the house as our numbers are not falling enough. There has been panic buying of fabric and you cant get elastic anywhere as people race to make masks. Im very thankful to have the gorgeous ones Diane O made for us. We have been wearing masks for over a week now - my mum was stressed when I went to do the errands so I promised I would wear one. DH and I have decided to push attempting to go to the farm till Friday night and stay there 2 nights only. Its worrying - with the roadblocks etc but we need to check our cows - especially given they are pregnant. We have decided to attempt it Friday after work and see how we go. We have a rate notice showing we own the property in the car. Fingers crossed we get through and dont get fined as its $1652 AUD each. There is a section of the website that says we can caregive to our animals. Will also print that out as well. Feeling anxious but they need to be our priority. I like them to keep a lot of condition on whilst its cold and they work hard to grow their bubbas.

Not much on the agenda for today. I will do my mums weekly groceries tommorrow and take around to her. I had hoped to get a walk in but the rain will need to let up before we attempt that. The dogs are snoozing inside, didnt want to go out this morning. Dont blame them. On a brighter note, I have some Iris bulbs to pop into the garden (they are one of my favourite flowers) so that will happen after work too.

DD - Wishing you the best of luck and good healing for your operation tommorrow. You will be in my thoughts lots xxx

Liz - Glad your DS was negative. Takes the stress out of the household.

Cec - How are you doing?

Diane O - Thank you again for our wonderful masks, they are being used daily and wash so well. Im grateful

Diane S - Glad you are back in the pool. Should help to make you feel a little brighter

BB - How are you all going?

Leap & Miss & Ann - Miss your voices

Peps - Are you back at school yet or still on summer break. Sorry I try and keep on top of it all but dont always manage

No weight on purpose as Im comfort eating..... Need to find the strength to stop

Take care all

S