Wednesday July 1 2020!!!

How can it be July already?

Weight 122.4, WW Bluepoints 19. Too much unneeded snacking last night.

I cut the fabric for the screen porch cushion recovering yesterday and want to get them sewn today. Tonight I am going to dinner at a great place, Epic Oyster, with my 2 SILs. They haven't been there but I have a couple of times and loved it. They have supposedly set up great outdoor dining with a mural painted on the side of a tent and lots of flowers in various pots.

I hope the weather is good for kayaking on Saturday. Right now the apps show a chance of showers but the online forecast is pretty good.

Oh and on July 4, a James Taylor concert from August 6, 2015 is being streamed. Paul and I were there in the second row and he loved it! https://www.jamestaylor.com/this-saturday-july-4-fenway-park -2015-concert-stream/. Here is a pic from there (in my pre-WLS days):

Have a safe and healthy day!

We're having some friends over on the 4th. We will stay outside, except for using the bathroom. Nobody but the 3 of us has entered our house since February. I'd better start cleaning!

Liz, we are enjoying finding new patios for dining. A lot of cities here have waived outdoor dining regulations, allowing restaurants to expand outdoor seating into parking lots and onto sidewalks, some have even closed streets to allow for more seating. During the Super Bowl a few years ago, a lot of places opened ice bars. We went ice bar hopping one night, and it was a lot of fun. I'm wondering if we will see some of those this winter. I can't think of anything that would persuade me to eat indoors in a restaurant right now. I guess I'll find out if my nephew's wedding goes forward in October.

Well, here it is July already! Time marches on.

Yesterday was indeed busy, but it ended on a fun note with the puppy playdate. It was nice to be out in someone else's backyard watching the puppies play and visiting with people, albeit at a distance. My BFF is concerned by my level of social contact. I explained to him that all I do is masked, outside and kept brief. He is a worrier. I think we have to decide how to live our lives safely and in a way that works for us on an individual level during this unprecedented time. I still don't have it in me to do an outdoor restaurant dining experience, but the draw is there.

Weight is up 1.1 this morning. I expected it simply because I had a little less water yesterday, had a pretty intense upper body workout, and ate late last night. I'm still in my "safe" (for now) range, so it's all good.

Liz, love the pic of you and Paul at the concert. Was the photo taken prior to Paul's diagnosis?

Feeling a little antsy-off kilter today. Not sure why, except that BFF's phone call this morning did put me on edge a bit. Hope it settles down as I get busy with my afternoon to do list.

I am in thinking mode about WL and am feeling like I can make a few more changes to start a true WL trajectory. That could be making me a bit nervous, too, I suppose.

As David likes to say, "More later!"

Paul was a year past diagnosis in that picture (and about 6 years into the debilitating downhill slope of Alzheimer's ).

Hot, hot, hot...no rain in forever, and humid---welcome to Kansas in July. I am chased inside by all of it - even Swann doesn't care for Out doors long romps or zooming of late- just would rather snuffle around the grounds and supervise the kittens on the deck. Inside is another story, however and catch and fetch and tug of war in the cool.

Logged into Fitbit for the first time in forever..I had been thinking about what Devon's nutritionist said about justifying what a person wants to see on the scales against behaviors that support (or do not) those wants. So, the other day, DH asked me what I wanted for lunch and I just blurted out loud, "crackers! I want crackers...and bread...and....I just don't care; I want to eat what I want to eat!" Now, the thing is, I've been eating all that **** with impunity for some time now, but this is the first time I've said it out loud, and to another person. Those were (are?) true words- problem is the behavior doesn't support what I want to see on the scales,- a major disconnect. Hmmmmm. Been there, done that before- slippery slope, and I am a world class slider. I am 24#s heavier than I was this time last year. Well. So there.

So, what is wrong with eating crackers and bread? I'm being dead serious? It's not like crackers and bread are cake and cookies - the classic evil in weight loss circles.

Why do you suppose you want to eat crackers and bread? Again, a serious question. My Nutritionist asks me about this stuff all the time to help me see that it is not weakness or wanton gluttony that drives my eating, but usually it is a form of self care that does not help me reach my long term goals. That self care style was developed for me years and years ago as a young child. I want sweets. Sweets and high carb, high fat foods to me represent comfort and self care because when I was little those things were instantly gratifying and were foods that did not meet my parents' approval.

Right now I am working on understanding that my food choices are simply that: choices. They are neither good, nor bad. What I have to learn to accept is that certain food choices and eating behaviors beget one result, while other choices result in different outcomes. It is matching up the behavior and choice with an expected outcome that has been hard for me. As an example, I was frustrated last week that being without the kitchen for 4 days, plus one day on the road, eating food prepared by others and fewer whole foods last week resulted in weight gain. Yet, when I really examined the behavior, it made sense that I would have gained weight because I know my body does better when fed more whole foods prepared by me. When I eat highly processed and restaurant prepared food, I tend to hold on to weight or retain water or gain or all of the above.

I guess what I'm getting at is that it's okay to want to eat crackers and bread. Carbs are not innately bad for the body or weight loss. You just have to understand why you want to eat crackers and bread and be realistic about the results. I can eat bread (usually sprouted wheat of some type) or eat crackers and lose weight. Maybe you can, too. Personally, I did not get fat eating full fat yogurt or salad dressing or bread or crackers. I got fat eating highly processed high fat, high sugar, high carb foods. If crackers and bread are for you the way cookies are for me, maybe it's time to let them go for awhile. But, if you can include them in daily life without repercussion, why deny yourself? Does that make sense?

PS - 24 pounds in the greater scheme of things is not so much. You have come back from 100 pound weight regain. AND you have had a boat load of personal health issues on your plate the past couple of years. Be gentle with yourself.

Hugs to Swan!

Thanks, Devon,

'Right now I am working on understanding that my food choices are simply that: choices. They are neither good, nor bad. What I have to learn to accept is that certain food choices and eating behaviors beget one result, while other choices result in different outcomes. It is matching up the behavior and choice with an expected outcome that has been hard for me -' Devon

This makes perfect sense to me, and just where I'm at right now, this place in time. 24 #s is not so much, but I know that I was there the last time- Found myself 25#s over and managed to breeze right past that and add another 100 to it. I honestly don't know if I could recover from such a folly again.

I can have a piece of toast- or anything in moderation when I am in the presence of others. However, what I am is---a secret eater and a volume consumer. Alone, I will eat a sleeve of crackers slathered with butter, or a quarter of a jar of peanut butter with half a cup of chocolate chips and some raisins stirred in, or grilled cheese sandwiches, or..or..or. Any and all slider foods that go right through my sleeve. I feel physically awful afterwards--and in truth, is gluttony.

Thank you for helping me see, and call it what it is, and, especially in reminding me to 'Be gentle with yourself'. What I've been doing has not been what could be called taking gentle care of myself. And, yes, makes me neither a good or bad person. No judgment- just acknowledging that choices I have been making are not taking me to the place I want to be.

Swann's in the doghouse this evening- he slipped his halter when out with Kurt, and scooted into the woods. We found him frantically trying to get down and into some hole at the base of a rotted tree. Thank goodness for a stout terrier's tAil, which is the only thing presenting itself!!!

The visual of Swann in the hole is priceless, because I have seen it soooo many times in my life with terriers.

That tail is docked to serve that exact purpose - long and strong enough for his human to grab hold and pull him out of a hole, yet short enough to keep it out of reach of the sharp toothed vermin he's after in the hole! The tradition of docking a tail was not born out of fashion, but of true function. If a crofter grabbed a tail too far away from the base of the tail he was liable to injure his terrier. Intact, natural tails were often bitten by rodents, vermin, or caught on brambles or cut on fencing. Tails got infected and due to poor circulation in the tail, quickly became gangrenous. If the dog's tail was not amputated in time, the dog died from sepsis.

When I was a teenager I had a puppy who banged his tail on the corner of a wall pretty hard and ended up with gangrene. We had to take his tail off. He was a sheltie terrier cross. He had more of a sheltie coat, so he looked like he was carrying a flag at the end of his body! LOL!

Totally cool, right? DS was cautioned about grasping the tail at the base instead of the tip. Swann's tail was not docked- it came out naturally about the right length and stands nearly straight up. I love the way it jiggles about a mile a minute!

Thanks for that image of Swann with only the tail showing! Cracked me up.

And yes, be kind to yourself. I think we are usually our own worst enemies not necessarily because of our eating actions but how we feel about ourselves afterwards leading to a bad cycle.