Friday June 26, 2020

Weight 122.4, WW Bluepoints many (not sure). SIL, DD, and I went out to eat and stayed up later than usual talking and drinking wine (my wine for the week). I had some snacks before bed...

So the guy I had coffee with Tuesday txted me and asked me to let him if I want to have lunch with him. And the Wednesday coffee guy called last night though I couldn't talk as I was at dinner with DD and SIL. Oh boy...

SIL enjoyed kayaking yesterday. It was a lot of work getting both kayaks to the pond and cleaning off 2-3 years of accumulated crud, but they are in decent shape now. We are going kayaking elsewhere with a couple of friends tomorrow and bringing a picnic lunch. In the meantime, SIL has her meeting with the oncologist this afternoon which I am going to be with her for.

DD is leaving mid-day today after she is done with work. DS has been in a snit since she got here which has me very frustrated with him. He blew up Wednesday about the cat possibly escaping when the screen slider was open for a bit longer than usual. She didn't get out but he had a fit. I attributed it to him being exhausted because he had just returned from visiting with friends for a couple of days, but he has been hiding out in the basement since then. I REALLY don't need this.

Anyway, today may include some beach (this morning).

Have a safe and healthy Friday!

Glad to hear that the kayaking went well. And such a social life in the age of quarantine!

I hope your son recovers from whatever caused his mood. Does he know about sil and possible change in treatment?

I had a very low stress day yesterday. I was behind on reading the paper so I spent time on the porch catching up. I went to Costco. I got a yogurt/fruit pie in the oven. We had a bonfire and video chat with my bff in Mexico City.

Today some gardening, weeding etc. I might go buy a few more bedding plants to fill in a few places. Since I knew I would be home this summer, I planted some seeds, mostly zinnias and cosmos. They are doing great, and it gives me such pleasure to check on them and see getting bigger seemingly overnight. And the vine is growing quite vigorously!

A low stress day is good!

Yes DS knows something may be going on with SIL, so maybe you are right that it is affecting him too.

I don't know a lot about how FB scams work, but I think something was up with Paula's account this morning. I got a friend request from her and accepted thinking she accidentally deleted me or something. Then she started messaging me about "did I hear the news yet". When I said no, the message I got I didn't understand, something about votes with the NRC? My somethings up meter went off and I went to check to see if I now had two friends named "Paula..." and the messages became unreadable but I see two Paula's in Messenger. Weird. Is that a thing?

No luck on the roses. I think I waited too long in the season and may have to do it in the fall. Shirley was so sweet and searched my local Craigslist for a fountain, then asked about if I had help to lift it. I hadn't given that much thought to that part if I bought second hand! These things weigh a ton and I don't have anyone to ask to help, especially with Covid, it seems especially bad form to ask a friend to ride an hour plus in a car with me. This is one of those "a husband/boyfriend would be nice moments". A point in the favor of buying new with delivery.

My therapy session had a lot to do with me eating to fill the voids of connection in my life. That I keep people at a distance while at the same time am desperate for connection and turn to food to try to fill that need, which it never can so I keep eating. The problem is I don't feel like I keep people at a distance, so knowing what to change to make deeper relationships with everyone in my life or not yet in my life seems impossible. Make myself vulnerable. What does that even mean?? I thought I already was? Is telling you all of this making me vulnerable? Or just oversharing? I don't know! Argh. She wants me to go twice a week (which makes me feel more broken than the average therapy goer) because she says a week gives me too much time to retreat. Ugh. Argh. Blech.

I did weigh myself this morning after nearly two weeks of ostriching and despite feeling like I've gained another 10 pounds, I'm down 2.4. I think unburdening myself a few weeks ago when I had my big therapy meltdown calmed my frantic eating somewhat.

Today I have some boxwoods to plant to fill holes in my boxwood hedge borders. And there are 6 more bags of mulch to lay down if I were so inclined...

Liz, love hearing about your coffee dates! DD, I love zinnias and cosmos. Good for you for having a low stress days. We all need more of those. Peps, your floors look awesome. Diane, how goes the decking? Shirley, enjoy the farm! Hello and a hug to everyone else! I did see Ann replied to a FB post about Covid in her area, so she lives. Wish she'd come back.

Pretty hard to overshared when we have discussions about swinging boobs and balls and whether any of Liz's dates might be closeted.

I am going to reframe your therapists request for twice a week contact. You had a session where you spoke about some clearly deep issues, so much that you feel less compelled to use food to sooth right now. Sounds like progress. Maybe your therapist thinks you're really at a breakthrough moment, and doesn't want to lose the momentum. Not that you are so flawed, you need more than normal treatment, but that you're ready to train harder.

There was a point in my therapy, where I would shake in the waiting room, knowing that if I was going to get any better, I was going to have to tell some secrets I'd never said out loud. It was scary sometimes, but wow, did I eventually feel lighter, freer...

Thank you, DD!

Your therapist sounds like she is giving you a lot to think about so hopefully that is good?

I also got another friend request from Paula. Whenever that happens on FB, I always search to see if I am still friends with the person. If so they can't legitimately send you another one so that means the request is a scam. I hate these scams and don't really understand the motivation but I have been told that scammers do it to collect information about the person to use their identity somewhere else more damaging.

The newer of the coffee dates is supposed to call this evening since I couldn't talk when he called yesterday. I did check with our mutual friend who said he is a "lovely man" and that they have been good friends for 30 years. High praise from her. Even if he was gay (community theater and real estate), I might not care. Might be a good friend to hang around with! But we will see...

You can't have too many nice friends. Great attitude! I can honestly say that I have met several men over my lifetime that I thought might be gay who were not. Just gentle, caring, more artistic souls.

Roses - order from the nursery in October or November and pick up in January. I think bare root is best, but if you but container planted, make sure the pot is compostable so you can plant the pot, too. The nursery mix is usually really well balanced growth mix. Yeah, I was a rose freak for years. Not so much now, but I still keep a rose garden.

Pics from this year's first bloom. (I'm in the midst of the 2nd bloom now, but it's never as impressive as the first bloom.)

These are beautiful!