05/30/2020, Saturday

Thanks for all of your input. I guess all of my little and medium worries just grew, compounded and overwhelmed me. I needed to step away from the whole collection 99.9% of the day and sort out / resolve in a better frame of mind. I prefer to be pragmatic, not reactive. I'm seeing that listing worries gives them too much power and makes them seem unsolvable. Challenges to Resolve is much more proactive. It's amazing what feeling overwhelmed can do to our psyche. My challenges pale in comparison to what our nation is facing...Covid-19 and now this significant civil unrest. The personal testimonials I am reading from black men and white mothers of black men have given me much a clearer understanding of the horrific impact of racism. As the mayor of Atlanta says, we are so much better than this !

Weight 122.4, WW Bluepoints 7. We had great lobster last night but what a mess! All the table linens and my clothes had to be washed quickly so they don't stink. The lobster squirted all over me negating the bib I had on. DS has about 3 pounds of additional lobster meat to use in other dishes which he has already removed from the shells. Some is frozen but I think some lobster salad is on the menu this weekend!

I think something between my worry ostriching and listing all of them is probably healthiest. A "Challenges to Resolve" list sounds more positive and maybe could just include those that can be dealt with? Unfortunately worries like how to resolve the pandemic may not be fixable by an individual. Other larger worries like how our country can stop being so bigoted and destructive may not be one that any one individual can resolve though perhaps thinking of positive actions to contribute to the changes needed might lessen the weight. Just early morning thoughts...

DS bought my deck plants with me yesterday so that is probably on the agenda for today. Hopefully the strained neck that I somehow developed overnight will ease up or it may complicate the planting. Oh yeah, and I need to pay bills today

Nice to hear from Miss150 the last couple of days. I hope Ann is doing okay.

Have a safe and healthy day!

Weigh-in: 156.4. Woohoo. Downward trend continues, albeit slowly

As for George Floyd. It upsets me so much so I'll be brief. How does this keep happening? I disagree with destruction and violent protests but there's a side of me that says how can we get your attention?!! I'd like to bury my head and say this doesn't really happen very often. But honestly once is too much. Much less the frequent occurrence. I'm not a big fan of police officers and sadly this just reemphasizes that feeling. I'm a white woman with a law degree and yet I feel threatened by them. But I'm fairly sure I wouldn't die in their hands. Because of my race. And that is a horrible truth. But I'm also trying to keep in my mind that the actions of one person shouldn't cast doubt on everyone, which is I think, the root of all the problems we have in this world. How can this happen? How much more often does this happen that we don't see?

I am a HUGE worry wart. I'm definitely trying to work through it. I used to think it was merely cir****tantial. But much like Diane S., when one problem resolves I'm on to the next. Maybe it's something about lawyering? Rich always says I'm "borrowing trouble" but I do think attorneys have to anticipate potential problems.

Freakonomics podcast recently discussed why we are more affected by negative information. They estimated it takes 5 (or was it 4?) good pieces of information to neutralize every bad. For example: you read a bad review and you need to read 4 (or 5) more good ones. It has to do with survival and the fact that berries could be poisonous or whatnot. They said "death only has to win once, but life has to win every day." All this and I cannot really remember the point. I think some of it was about filtering how much negative news you receive. And to seek out positive news. I think I need to really work on putting my gratitude list onto paper! And they also recommended really talking up positive news. When someone tells you good news or discusses a good news story, say aloud "man, that's great news" etc. But for me, in practice, I think it would look something like if I were to make a list, put out the fear I have and then physically make myself think of 4 positive alternatives.

Today we will celebrate Charlotte. I always have too much to do. But just like with the worrying, I think even if I did it "all right" then I'd just have something else to perfect. Man, a worrying perfectionist. What a doozy.

My sister and nieces will be here from Texas. We have not seen them since Thanksgiving! I'll have to upload pictures onto Facebook. It's Charlotte's Web themed and makes me think of Peps. I got some upcycled stuff off Facebook marketplace so we wient a little all out on it even though it's just family. I think I'll save it and maybe do some kid party in the future. County Fair themed or maybe farm animal with a zoo. You know me and parties

I agree with so much of what you've said. I've found doing even a small gratitude journal very beneficial.

One of my daughter's friends is a black man, who has white parents. He has siblings of both races. He is in a word, incredible. My daughter cried again last night as she said, "he always, always tries to do the right thing, and yet the police pull him over in our town all the time. Why does this happen?" I feel outrage and fear on behalf of this dear person, and every mother's son and father and brother that can't live peacefully and safely because white people can't get it together.

Have a fantastic party! I can't wait to see pics. And WTG with your weight!

Here is a thread from Twitter that is really disturbing about all this rioting (click on "show this thread" under the first tweet): https://twitter.com/freeyourmindkid/status/12665986936476385 28?s=21

Much of the destruction and mayhem is being caused by white anarchists and is organized by outside influences that have no concerns about George Floyd and just want to cause destruction and chaos. And the black protesters then bear the brunt of the criticism. The tweet showing the pallet of bricks that just "happened" to show up in the area where the protesters would be in front of expensive shops where anyone could access them? Bad forces (far left and far right) are trying to piggyback off this tragedy to incite violence.

Some friends of ours live in the middle of where all this is happening in Minneapolis. She posted today, those of us who live in south Minneapolis feel it's very important for everyone to know that we strongly believe the destruction is being done by people who do not live here.

Just got back from the grocery store. There are a million postings for ways to help. We picked one that needs food kits dropped off tomorrow. We made up 5 kits and will bring them to the requested site tomorrow. It's a drop in the sea of sorrows, but it feels good to do something positive.

I'm looking forward to pictures of the Charlotte 's Web party! It is an enduring favorite. I remember when it was read aloud to me, and when I read it to my children.