05/14/2020, Thursday

Thanks for all of your support and feedback on the new me hair. It does feel so freeing to have eliminated the desperate need to keep it colored and the need for a stylist to maintain a distinctive style/cut. Safe travels, Liz ! I am anxious (literally and figuratively) to hear about flying. The only realistic way to see oldest DD involves flying. Ann, I am interested in more insights, as you process your most recent session with your therapist. The longer all of this goes on, the clearer it is that things will NEVER be the same, which has the potential to be a good thing. The uncertainty is tough for a control freak. Shirl, I agree that your savory pies sound soo yummy. DD and Devon, my former teachers are beginning to empty and pack their classrooms and students' belongings, and I think of both of you. This is a bazillion times harder than a wicked bad snowstorm two days before Christmas break, and returning to decorations and partially completed gifts on steroids. Diane, I am confident your reopening plan will be approved... you've been thinking this through all along. Paula, Miss 150, BB and David... eager for your news !

Weight 122.2, WW Bluepoints 9.

We are leaving in an hour. The sheets are in the dryer and most all has been done. Justice is feeling a bit nervous as he won't eat his breakfast (probably just as well). We have our Diane O masks ready to go.

Talk to you from the Northern half of the country tomorrow!

Stay safe and healthy!

Weight: 137.0
Veggies/Fruits: 8
Macronutrients: Cals - 2,382, Carbs - 251, Fats - 104, Proteins - 110, Fiber - 48
Fitbit Recorded Sleep: 6?15?
Exercise: 8,298 steps

Liz, safe travels to you and your SIL. Will be interesting to see how airports and TSA are handling social distancing at this time. I'd love to hear your take on all that!

Last night I had a "carb accident" ... toast, butter and honey, to be specific. And that's all I'll say about that. Moving forward.

And now here are some of my thoughts and plans re Pandemic 2.0. Today I'm going to visit my sister in her home in the next county. It will be the first time I've seen a relative or been in anyone else's home in over 8 weeks.

In this morning's business news the following statement by the CEO of Microsoft, Satya Nadella, made eminent good sense to me:

Respond, Recover, Reimagine

Mr. Nadella sees the world going through three phases during the pandemic. The first is simply responding to the immediate impact through office closures, cost cuts and the like. Then comes recovery, which is already underway in many places, and will be more like a "dial" than a "switch." He said, "There will be lots of movement of the dial, back and forth."

In the "reimagining" phase, innovations born of necessity during the previous two phases will emerge, like remote control of manufacturing processes, A.I. bots helping diagnose patients and more effective distance-learning technologies.

What speaks to me most about what he said regards the recovery phase we're now entering and how it isn't an on-off switch. Recovery will require each of us to make informed decisions about which behaviors are appropriate depending on each specific situation we're facing. And because those situations will vary considerably and continuously, the resulting cascade of evaluations, judgments and decisions we'll have to make will be very stressful after having sheltered in place these last two months under clear-cut Do! and Don't! rules. My point is that we're going to have to trade the stress of isolation for the stress of calculating and taking risks.

For instance, I now must start taking calculated risks based on friends' and family's known and assumed behavior during the lockdown and the quantity and quality of their current associations with other people whose pandemic behaviors may range from very safe to insanely high-risk.

For instance, I'm persuaded that hanging with others outdoors is a lot safer than indoors. This afternoon I expect my sister and I will take a long walk together, rather than hang in her living room for hours. But I'm not at all certain yet about my second book club members' expectations are about how our Pandemic 2.0 book club meetings will be designed.

Deep breath ... In a big decision to be made this evening, my stepdaughter and I are considering me driving to Kansas City this weekend to spend two days with her. Yes, we'd be together mostly indoors, but I calculate it's a low risk decision for us both because ****ven though I haven't been tested, I'm confident I don't have the virus because I'm the OCD Queen, (2) I know she doesn't have the virus because she just received a negative COVID test result prior to scheduling a simple medical procedure she's having this morning, (3) we won't be visiting with anyone else for those two days, and (4) I can make it all the way to KC on a full tank of gas and won't have to stop along the way to refuel. I'll have to make one pee-stop, but I know a restroom along the way that is always scrupulously clean and will Purell the hell out of myself after that stop. The first thing I'll do when I get to her house will be to take a hot shower.

Oh, and she has two big dogs *****ally like me, so there will be LOTS of dog-touching, if not people-touching. And I need that!

Those are the kinds of calculations that are the basis of my own Pandemic 2.0 plan. I have no doubt that others will be comfortable with the authorities' instructions to gather with no more than 10 people. Personally, I don't get any comfort from the number 10 without opportunities to evaluate the behavior and psyche of those 10 specific people.

And yes, the agoraphobia I've built up over the last 8 weeks does play a part in all this. Ugh.

Bottom line is that we each will respond as meets our needs. I'm going to try NOT to judge others' approaches. I'm sure my own approach will change and evolve and, I hope, improve in the coming few months. I am also hoping that by August all our summer outdoor activity interactions will have greatly reduced the infection rate and that I can have a lovely week with my friends at our annual beach house rendezvous and that we'll ALL be infection-free and for a week can pretend and act like there's no such thing as COVID-19.

That's my Pandemic 2.0 plan and hope.

Being in Florida even when it was fully locked down gave us opportunities daily to be outside and breathing fresh air. I do think that helps a lot in so many ways!

You talked about control yesterday in relation to the thrivers. This article I just read references control and how it relates to being able to find joy during this time of uncertainty where there isn't much to look forward to:

https://www.wellandgood.com/good-advice/what-does-joy-mean/

Ann, Minnesota's pandemic response has had graphics of dials for over a month. 2 dials, economic and social. They release graphics to show us where we are from complete lockdown, to pre covid status. They warn us all the time as the dials get turned, they may have to be dialed back again at times.

I'm satisfied with my state government's response. At the onset they were clear we needed to stay at home to give them time to build medical response, and to not overwhelm the system. They state we are medically ready for the uptick that will come from moving both dials. My job as I see it, is to behave responsibly, and decide how much risk I'm willing to take. Right now, I'm all about the socializing outdoors.

Wow on Minnesota's dials. I did not know about that! Thanks.

Just found them here online:

https://mn.gov/covid19/for-minnesotans/stay-safe-mn/index.js p

Weight-not until Saturday!

Diane O.-I think it's great that you took your hair into your own hands! I saw about all that awful weather up your way. I agree with Liz that nicer weather makes things easier to cope. Ours has been hit or miss but I am a little anxious for if a second wave happens in the dead of winter. Yuck. (although thankfully our winters aren't extraordinarily bad)

Liz-Exciting that the day has arrived for the move back. Interested to hear your take on the differences between Florida and MA. My husbands family lives in Florida--near Orlando but with a lake house near Mt. Dora and a beach condo in Miami. Of course Miami feels very different from the rest of Florida (to me) being that there are so many NY transplants and just a lot more international influence. Anyway I digress. Spoke to BIL in Orlando and they had just been out to dinner. Things have begun to reopen.

Ann-I think you're right about we cannot pretend that covid never happened. And I think it's very wise to have an action plan for potential of phase 2. I also do hope things somewhat return to normal. I'm looking forward to sporting events and concerts and the like. But I think we do have to see how things go.

Here in Okc we enter phase 2 of reopening tomorrow. This will allow bars to open with limited capacity. Church nurseries (although most churches I know, mine included, are still closed entirely). Organized sporting events can resume. Tomorrow is also 3 weeks since personal grooming opened in other areas of the states, 2 weeks since phase 1. I don't know how long it will take to see the effects, if any, of the reopening. I know a lot of the models were predicting a spike in cases. I wonder when, if, that will be seen. I know that for the last two days there have been zero deaths reported. That is for the third time this month. I'm cautiously optimistic.

Of course we really splurged Saturday night and Sunday Mother's Day lunch. But otherwise I've been really good. I've been working on probate stuff so I've been pretty busy, which helps. I'm trying to prepare myself for no loss or even a gain this week since that first week's loss was so great. But I know in the past a gain after being "good" was so damaging for morale. Ugh. Well maybe I'll lose again.

I agree with everyone that totally avoiding Covid 19 is not realistic. My goal is to postpone as long as possible. Everyday brings new information about how this virus works, and improved treatment options. For example, a few weeks ago they discovered that being placed on your stomach helps people breath better. That, with oxygen supplemention has kept some people off ventilators that might have been put on them earlier in the outbreak. Now there's some research indicating vitamin D deficiency complicates Covid. I've renewed my commitment to my supplements, and will be lizarding this weekend. The longer I avoid infection, the better my chance of survival.

Oh, I awakened from a disturbing dream this morning. Not nightmarish, like Liz's dream the other day, but just plain sad. There were nuances to the dream that made it more sobering than I think it might otherwise have been. But here's the gist: I was waiting for a weigh in at the Dr.'s office. My surgeon (who in the dream had morphed into my chiropractor) asked the other Dr. to weigh me. (The other doctor was a mix of different people I know...) Anyhow, the scale was very tall and I had to literally climb on to it. In the dream I weighed only a pound more than I did this morning, so it wasn't some astronomical 300+pound weight. But the feelings of self doubt and uncertainty were sure there. As I was leaving, Dr. #2 came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me and started talking to me in my ear. I couldn't understand him, but I could tell the words were supposed to be comforting and encouraging. There was a very loving intention behind the holding and the words. However, the feeling of disappointment in myself, sadness, shame, etc... were all there and hanging over me when I awakened.

I am avoiding going to school like it was the plague itself! LOL! School is actually one of the safest places to be right now. It's been empty for 9 weeks! I don't even know how to begin cleaning up the mess that is my classroom. The task is daunting. Not only do I have to do all of my year end tasks, I have to clean up for 23 children, bag their belongings and have the bags ready for a drive through pick up the last week of May.

I am going back to the gym today for private lessons. I will be in the gym by myself with my trainer. No one else will be present. I feel good about that. Gyms are not allowed to be open yet in CA, but there is a lot of gray area on the private studio. Some counties are allowing private studios to be open. I am not sure if my county is allowing private studios to open or not, but in this case ignorance is bliss. This is something I have to do for myself and it is a one of those calculated risks I am willing to take. Besides, I am still rather certain I had the damn virus, so unless it has mutated, I'm probably covered.

Will need to sort my thoughts that were triggered by the dream. I know there has been some underlying wonder about what I am doing and this leg of the journey. Some frustration, some curiosity, some disgust, some despair, and vague tinges of hopelessness, which for me is always very hard.

Overall, though I am happy to report I've been in a really good frame of mind, so a little blip this morning is okay.