04/09/2020, Thursday

"Mom, I'm not okay. I don't know if I'll ever be okay again."

Last night's phone call with NYC DD was classic PTSD. I must have been looking too hard for things to be okay and merely seen what I was desperately looking for. Will add more later.

Diane, I'm so sorry. She must be so strong trying to find some positive when she can. I think the front-line people like your DD are almost all going to end up with some PTSD. Our country and us individuals have to be prepared to help them deal with it on a much larger scale than after 911 and probably any previous war-like situation.

Weight 123.4, WW Bluepoints 10. I have my WW weekly meeting today which I find helpful for the social and control aspects.

As mentioned yesterday we had a lot of "excitement" here. The new AC is installed and running well. But the tree trimmer falling off the roof was scary. I sure hope we find out he is okay today. My abutting neighbor (we share walls) was on her lanai when he fell almost right in front of her. What a shock (for him and her). His co-workers were pretty scared. I'm hoping today is much less exciting.

We will probably go for a drive today to Siesta Key and poke around the backroads. Something to do and gas is cheap.

Stay safe, stay home, and stay healthy. And for your amusement (sent by BIL):

Diane O.-I'm so so sorry for what your DD must have experienced and continues to. Hope that when she has more time and clarity she can talk about it with someone, maybe a professional.

Liz-Definitely at the "cooked dinner 395 times this month" stage. I don't know why it feels so much harder. I mean I did that 90% of the time for the girls at least. And now I even have DH's help for feeding (which I'm becoming entirely too reliant on). But it feels like all I do is cook, clean up one kid, the other, wash dishes or load them, turn around and do it again x3.

Hooray for A/C. Definitely a reason I couldn't have lived in a previous era

Weight: 162. Maybe I'll take a stab at that next week. I think what I need to do isn't mysterious or difficult. But it is hard. It's the few teddy grahams I sneak, the reese's egg, the glass of wine, the extra bites at dinner. Mostly I think if I cut out snacking I'd be on track for maintenance if not losing.

Potty training has me doing a premature pat on the back one second and wanting to throw in the towel the other. It's definitely not linear. I want to see that she can or can't. I don't want to put up with this endlessly if she's just too young. Yesterday she woke me up at night to potty (not sure if that was a ploy to get out of bed, though!), she had no accidents during the morning, including our walk. The biggest problem is I still have to tell her to go rather than the other way around. Around 4pm things went downhill with 3 accidents in the course of an hour or so. Yikes.

Perhaps she was tired? We did go ahead and heat the pool--we figured this is an advantage to natural gas being so low lol. Becca love loves it. She couldn't contain herself. Her entire body was giddy. Charlotte, on the other hand, hated it. Maybe Becca regressed because she wore herself out in the pool and/or toook in excess water from the pool.

Dinner last night was really terrific. I bought frozen mahi mahi at sams. I seasoned it with citrus pepper and grilled on a salt block. Then I took some extra chimichurri sauce I'd frozen and served that alongside. Sides of rice and roasted asparagus. The fish was so dadgum good! And if you do make chimichurri (parsley, cilantro, garlic, red onion, oil, red wine vinegar...to the best of my recollection) totally freeze it!!

Today is my shipt grocery delivery. Sure hope I can get everything I need. I would love love to make it about 3-4 weeks and maybe things can be slightly better by then. I'm really holding out for that hope.

Be well. Love to you all. Be kind to yourself. And remember: if not now, when?

BB, your chimichurri sauce sounds divine. I would like to grill, but have neither a working grill at the moment nor any grilling skills.

Weight: 134.8
Veggies/Fruits: 2
Macronutrients: Cals - 1,806, Carbs - 163, Fats - 82, Proteins - 105, Fiber - 20
WW Green Points: ?
Fitbit Recorded Sleep: 7'02" (in bed and, after Oxycodone, in recliner)
Exercise: 10,048 steps

DianeO, I'm so sorry about your daughter's PTSD. I don't know how any NYC nurses, doctors, and other healthcare workers and first-responders could avoid PTSD, given what they're asked to do right now. (I say this as someone who was married to a policeman who was called to witness and respond to far more agony and grief than I've ever known.) I hope your daughter can receive proper treatment and get relief when this era ends. I also hope she can get some Mother and doggy time sooner than later.

To keep you guys in the loop ... Earlier this week I had a complication with my neck lift--some new, significant swelling, redness and discomfort on the left side of my neck. My surgeon now has me again wearing the compression bandage on my head at night and taking a prophylactic antibiotic (Keflex), in case there's any infection. I really don't think there's any infection (my morning temp is always around 97.1 - 97.5). Either way, it's my job now to be patient and be a compliant patient. Therefore I'm practicing patience.

And that led me to meditate this morning on the confusing similarities and differences between patience and sloth, acceptance and ambition, relaxing and controlling, mindfulness and numbing (with drugs, food, alcohol, TV, etc.). Big subject! My intention today is to do what is healthy for me today.

I have no plans to leave the house. My big socialization today will be a Zoom meeting with my work colleagues. And for that, I can get dressed up. :)

Oh, and in WTF news ... yesterday when I got in my car to head to town for groceries, medicines and mail, I discovered I'd left my keys in the ignition the day before ... TURNED ON! My battery was dead as a doornail. Happily, AAA arrived in less than an hour and got me on my way. But I realized I do need one of those car battery starter thingamajigs, so I'm putting that on the shopping list.

I hope you have the day YOU need today.

I'm so sorry your daughter is suffering, Diane. I know how much mothers would do anything to stop their children from hurting and to not be in a position to do so must be agonizing.

Liz, I love that list. I have to say I'm glad I don't drink. I think the combination of my eating issues with drinking would be really dangerous right now! The part about laughing at your own jokes made me think about how yesterday I nearly split my sides laughing at the video and subsequent tweets about Justin Trudeau encouraging masks because "speaking moistly" could spread the virus. The look on his face when he realized how gross what he said was, was followed by, "that's a terrible image!" And then today this came out: https://youtu.be/eySDeBdqxGY I can't stop watching and laughing.

It's raining here again, so I'm just going to stay here with Justin Trudeau...

And if you aren?t in the mood to laugh, this was really touching and amazing what people can pull together in quarantine! https://youtu.be/CDdxXL6fdwA

Greetings to the Quarantined

Guess thats not exactly what we are but it feels like it. The days sort of run together. DH is making a shopping run today and said he noticed I was eating fewer cheese sticks. Thats because its what I take to the studio and gallery while on duty and I am not doing those things.

Still fooling around with these emergency loan/grant programs. There is another one that appears to be drying up fast. By the time I get all the info gathered it may be done.

Went out yesterday to run three errands. Got two done and forgot the third. This stay home thing is making me stupid.

Diane I am so sorry for your daughter's stress. Must be unimaginable. I know its hard on you but at least she has you to talk to. Thank her for us all.

A local heath official in our county says of the 50 cases in our county, all but one can be traced back to a single person that flew in here. Geez.

Hey Dave, maybe you could get some giant bubble blowing stuff for Adalyn. Then only allow that if she comes home from the creek politely.

Liz hope that tree trimmer is ok. What a tough job. Lots of people in that line of business here since we are all about trees here. And I hear lots of people are taking rides in their cars just to do something. Wouldn't it be great if there were drive in movies with appropriate distancing? But the lure of the big tv and net flicks is too much I guess.

DH begged for mac and cheese last night so I gave in. I only ate a small amount but I swear it went straight to thighs.

BB hang in there on the potty training. It will happen.

Thinking of you all. Stay safe. Diane S

Hi everyone, Distracted today between work and celebrating DH's birthday. He has been talking about a new bike for a couple of years, so this year I forced him to pick one out for his birthday. He's always reluctant to spend big $ on himself. I told him he had to for my pride: what if people asked him what I got him for his 60th birthday and all he could say was, a cake. Now that the bike's home, he will really enjoy it. Perfect quarantine activity.

Diane, my heart aches for your dear, dear daughter, and for your mother's heart. How could she be okay. What's being asked of her is not okay. None of this is okay. I pray that all the love and support you've given her over the years will help her heal when the storm passes.