Monday April 6, 2020

Weight 124.8, WW Bluepoints MANY. I felt down yesterday so ate many snacks especially crackers. And I had a few glasses of wine which I was planning on staying away from until our Zoom ****tail party on Easter. It was a combination of hearing bad news from many quarters together with a gray, rainy indoors day. Watching the first two literally DARK episodes of Ozark didn't help. We watched a few episodes of Grace and Frankie afterwards to end the day on a lighter note.

Thinking about Bonnie and her family coping with the sudden loss of SIL. I know they will be hugging those little girls even more than usual.

Today definitely requires more walks and maybe a drive somewhere.

I hope you all stay safe, stay home and stay healthy.

Thanks for starting us off, Liz. I always appreciate seeing a post someone's already made here when I log on in the mornings.

This morning's weight was 134.8, up a lot from yesterday, because I, too, had "one of those eating days." Yesterday was not a good one here either. Bonnie's news about her SIL's passing is so sad. Shirl, I am hoping your DH can muster more support for you.

DianeO, I'm going to try and take my lead from you--to work on accepting others' sadness without ingesting it and letting it attach to me. BTW, if you figure out how to do that, would you please let me know? ;)

This morning I have a video session with my therapist (first time we've tried this). I'm interested in hearing his perspective on what we're all dealing with and will report to y'all anything I learn that sounds of value to us all.

At the very least, we're all going through our own versions of the same experience together. That's somewhat consoling.

But bottom line is that I need a new, better, or at least a different way of social distancing than I've been doing thus far. I badly need to find a way to minimize my incipient agoraphobia while responsibly social distancing.

Courage!

The agoraphobia thing is real. I actually had to dig down a bit to go to my school on Friday to grab my desk chair. I wasn't breaking any rule, wasn't putting myself or anyone else in danger. But when I was in my classroom, I was grabbing stuff like I was in the middle of an emergency evacuation. I felt like I was scurrying around like a frightened little mouse.

DD, because you understand this, please be my anti-agoraphobia buddy this week and kick my ass out of the house. I just promised my therapist I'd drive to town at least four times this week. :)

I was just thinking about this for myself! There is no reason I can't leave the house for a bit of a drive. I'll leave to go for a walk with my dh or dd, but feel really uncomfortable myself. Is there any restaurant in your town doing take out? That could be a purposeful activity, and you'd be helping them keep the doors open. I'll take my own advice, we will probably order take out tomorrow, so I will be the one to go pick it up.

Your response prompts a list. I could:

1. Drive to a river/park and walk in 100% solitude. That wouldn't be socializing much, but it'd be anti-agoraphobic.

2. I could drive to town, walk around the downtown areas, a walking trail, the country club neighborhood, etc. and wave to strangers who'd probably think I was nuts. That would please me, too. :)

3. As you suggested, I could pick up dinner at Ruby Tuesday. :)

4. I could ask one or two friends from yoga class to meet me at a nearby lake (driving separate cars) where we could walk around the lake staying 6-8 feet apart.

5. With the help of my local brewpub, I could organize a dance party in the parking lot. We could drink beer sold curbside by the pub. (This would take some organization, but what else do I have to do!)

(To be continued ....)

Awesome, I'd love the dance party. A neighborhood in St. Paul was exercising together. Before anyone came out, they unofficially shut down their street, and then one person drew appropriately placed circles on the pavement, with chalk. To avoid getting too close accidentally, everyone stayed in their own circle while the instructor lead the class.

And after all your great ideas, mine is rather uninspiring, my plan is to drive to McDonald's for an ice cream cone :)

Weight: 162

Thank you all for your support. I know we share a lot here because at a minimum, life does impact our health and weight. But I also feel so close to you all, more now (in quarantine) than ever.

Yesterday wasn't a good day here. News of SIL's passing was so shocking. There's also some anger. Maybe that's grief showing. They were supposed to be cleared to see her Saturday night but the hospital wouldn't let them in (despite doctor's orders). Rich was 10 minutes too late. 50 years old. Why did the chemo seem to immediately kill her. I don't understand. And I guess I never will.

My BIL did go be with his mom (they're both in Florida but BIL is in Orlando and didn't want to "share" any viruses but ultimately he couldn't let his mom suffer alone). We are more local here and so Rich will be taking care of all the things. The one silver lining is she's now with her husband who died several years ago.

We are still potty training though it's terrible timing. She's doing relatively well and honestly maybe something good/productive will come from this.

Today we are smoking our brisket. Because why not? I would like to go for a walk in the gorgeous weather but I need to know Becca won't tinkle in her stroller!

Walmart delivery today. HOping to stock up for about a month. I'm sure I'll have to do another delivery from a different store because so many things are out of stock.

Still treading. More now than ever. I need to find my drive again. Sorry for being such a downer. Things just seem to get more and more bleak over here :( Trying oh trying to find a way out of it

You are not a downer. Thank you for trusting us with your grief. I'm glad bil can be with your mil now, sometimes calculated risks are necessary.

On a practical note, could you but a plastic bag, covered by a receiving blanket on the stroller seat. If you are longing for a walk, you should go.

Sending you a big hug, BB. You're not a downer! Things are bleak right now, but they will get better in time.