02/24/2020 Monday

I waited to post until after seeing new RD. So......

OMG! I can't believe I spent all that money and I am still FAT! LOL! No seriously, this is not going to be about losing weight so much at first. About half way through the intake session the RD asked me point blank, "Do you want to work on losing weight or work on your eating choices/addictive eating issues?" My response was to ask if I had to choose one or the other. She said no, but one path is easier, more productive, but slower than the other. To that I said what I really want is to get well. Looks like I'm starting with the disordered eating aspect of things. How I am to start the process is this: for the next 10 days I have to journal how I eat. Boooooooooooooo! But Yaaaaay?????? said in a very tiny voice!

The RD looks to be a good one. She has a long ago history of eating disorder (physician heal thyself type of situation) which almost killed her on several occasions. She wanted me to know that there was absolutely nothing I could tell her about food and my eating that would shock her. She has apparently had some pretty intense patients with very intense food issues and eating disorders.

She talked about my dopamine needs and confirmed that when I am not giving myself the "Hit" the receptors need and are accustomed to getting, I start figuring out ways to get it. VERY NORMAL, so she said, for someone like me. We also went over my "diet" history. She mentioned that my brain is so conditioned to rebel against a diet that it prepares itself for deprivation and how to counter attack before it even happens. Did you know simply hearing the word diet can trigger some people's eating disorders? Who knew? LOL.... I guess, I did. We know it all on some level, I think.

So, I'm feeling good about going to the RD, but I didn't get much from today's visit except that this is going to be another **** load of work. But, I am willing to do the work. Looks like there is going to be some Cognitive Behavior Therapy type of work going on. Ugh.....Big sigh...... drop the F bomb a few times..... Anyhow, it was clear this RD is going to call a spade a spade, but the work will be highly personalized to meet my needs.

Guess I won't be doing WW anymore. Hope I didn't sign up for 6 months or something. If I did, I hope I can at least switch it down to the online version. I currently have the option to go to meetings. Another F bomb drops.....

My next appointment is on March 6.

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Got home to Dottie nesting underneath the patio in a hole Blue dug 4 years ago. The patio is edged by a deck that hangs over our little hill. To get to the dug out the dogs have to belly crawl under the deck to get in. Well, dear, darling Dottie got stuck. Thankfully, she at least has good sense and let me turn her on her side and let me pull her out.

Happy Monday!

I think there has to be a metaphor in Dotties situation... a life lesson for all of us.

Your work with the RD sounds both wonderful and intimidating at the same time. What's the quote about doing the thing that scares you? Thanks for sharing the first part of the story ...

Hadn't thought about Dottie's episode as a life lesson, but you are certainly right. If you're stuck, it's good to have enough sense to know when you're being helped and to relax into the help. Damn, you're a smart lady! You'd make a good teacher. I'm sorry a GREAT teacher!

Somehow i missed seeing this post until now, Devon. So glad to hear you have found someone who knows the territory you're traveling through. That seems like massive good fortune, given how hard it is for anyone to find a good therapist who's a good match for their issues.

Sending you lots of support and courage. 'Cause dealing with **** goes better with support and courage.