Thursday, 01/23/2020

Weight: 140.4
Veggies/Fruits: 5
Macronutrients: Cals - 1,070, Carbs - 74, Fats - 39, Protein - 89, Fiber - 18
Green SmartPoints: 22
Water: 5 cups (This is the mos****er I have drunk in maybe a year!)
Sleep: 6'45" hours (no nap)
Exercise: 8,611 steps


Every once in a while I burst into a chorus of "I Love You People and This Group!", and that's how I feel this morning after reading yesterday's posts. Y'all are so smart, so funny (in that self-aware way that smart people are), so thoughtful, so encouraging, and so damn interesting. My admiration and affection for you has nothing to do with what your scale said this morning. It's just due to YOU.

Every morning when I sit down to meditate I focus my eyes on a little electric candle and think, "I am alive!" That doesn't mean I feel beatific, actualized or chill--it just means I'm realizing, again, that I'm not dead yet and that I'm breathing with others who are breathing too. And that makes me smile. Thank you all for breathing with me while we're still alive.

Enough of that mushy stuff!

And lookee there ... the scale dropped almost two pounds. Think there could be any connection to all tha****er I drank yesterday? Or that my carbs were lower than they've been in weeks? LOL! Once again, process matters. :) I'm about to turn into a Water Freak!

It's going to be a crazy day around here The carpet and floor cleaners and the housekeepers arrive this morning for two days of major disruption to my life. I'm dreading the experience, but will be so happy to have a house that finally meets my standards of clean again. I've done no serious spring cleaning (turn mattresses, wash doors and baseboards, scrub floor tiles, move big pieces of furniture and clean behind them, etc.) since the year before I was sleeved and my husband was diagnosed with cancer. That's almost seven years ago! The place doesn't look dirty (and it's not, on the surfaces), but the hard truth is that it is.

While the cleaners are here I will be gone as much as I possibly can. Today I have yoga class, WW meeting, a bunch of errands, an oil change for the car, and a book club meeting.

Only one more day before T.G.I.F. and (I think?) DD goes to Florida.

I think it was too early for me to weigh today!

Peps-I agree with you about magical healing pedicures. It's so unnecessary but that's exactly why I think it feels luxurious and calming. Although last time I branched out and got a nontraditional color and I'm so regretting it.

Ann-jealous about your clean house! That's probably my no. 1 irritant with kids, especially being here all day with them. I see all these things that I coulda shoulda woulda do to the house but it's tough just to keep up with plates. And I never have that aha moment with my housekeeper where I walk in to a clean house. We're contemplating letting the housekeeper go and enrolling the girls in a second day of mother's day out (something the pedi really advocates for) although that would require me committing to another year of being at home. But by God I would get the house cleaner!! Carpet cleaners come next Friday and we REEEALLLY need it. I'm pretty sure there's undiscovered spitups in our carpet. Ewwwww

Charlotte is sick and it's just so sad. She's lost her voice. She cries and you hear almost nothing. We went to doctor but I guess it's just a cold. Hoping she's all better today so I can take her to mother's day out. Do you guys have MDO where you are? It's a big thing here. As per usual on my Thursday "off", it's filled up! Have an eye exam that I'm fearing will tell me I need glasses/contacts. Was supposed to have a heart and lung scan with hubby but apparently I'm too young. Thanks for telling us that when we bought it! But at least that clears up the second half of the day. Need to get groceries and then probably try to clean out closet/select things to give away.

Yesterday I felt really good about my eating plan. I did feel like I ate so much yesterday but still came in under 1200 calories! The only thing I don't like about eating this way (low calories) is that I tend to choose more voluminous foods. Which makes me worry about stretching out sleevie.

B: 2 potato and soyrizo mini frittatas (AMAZINGLY delish; I only planned on having one), coffee and milk

L 1: 1 c. sausage lentil soup

L 2: extreme wellness wrap (really recommend, only 50 calories and protein and low carb) with packet of sweet and spicy tuna, mustard, few pieces of lettuce

S: veggie chocolate muffin

D: Sheet pan lemon parmesan shrimp with cauliflower and broccoli, glass of red wine

Recently I've really been reflecting on how grateful I am for my surgery. Again. Knock on wood, but i think even if I gained it all back next year. I'm coming up on 10 year anniversary. It's been on hell of a vacation. My surgery is not me, but it allowed me to be the person I always dreamed of being. The one who could buy the cute clothes she saw in the stores. The one who wanted to say "hi" to people and not just be "that fat girl" where you know they kind of look past you. I was able to go to law school and graduate. All without wondering if my weight was hindering me. That's not to say I didn't or don't still have insecurities. But at least this wasn't one of them.

And as much as I'd like to lose another 10, 15lbs., I'm so grateful I am able to maintain the lifestyle and weight I have. I was driving to meet Rich for a happy hour when I thought about how wonderful it is to be able to go, have a drink or two, maybe even something to eat, and know it won't wreck me. I always used to be on a diet. That always used to derail me. And then I felt worse about myself.

And it makes me sad when I see friends on that struggle bus. I have one friend who is all about "keto" and made some comment about people getting in line for "surgeries, pills, and other quick fixes." I feel like some of the people who have been most negative about WLS are other overweight people who believe the garbage they've been told about "easy way out." I'ts not that easy. And even if it were, why not? Because we're somehow lesser? I need to prove my way into being good enough for health and looking better? Screw that! Unfortunately I think she's trapped on the same diet merry-go-round I was. Also, I hate "keto." I think it's very unmaintainable. And what the hell is "lazy keto"? I keep hearing this, but my understanding of ketosis is either you are or you aren't. Lazy keto would be like saying I'm "mostly pregnant." Maybe it's all semantics. I'm all about eating "protein forward" but I don't like any diet that is literally ruined because you went to someone's house and God forbid they served you something with carbs.

Guess I better stop the rant here. This is what happens when I get to wake up before my kids. Hurray!

1. Within Range: not yet
2. Blue SmartPoints: 23
3. General Wellbeing: 8.5
4. Fitness: walking
5. Self-Care: WW meeting, even when I thought I'd be up. (Down .2)
6. Fun: Seeing Lake Ontario while eating lunch !

Back in my sloppier maintenance, we ate out at least once a day. I had forgotten how little control that gives us over ingredients, even when we are assured they used lemon instead of butter. Yesterday we had an errand in Rochester, where we have several favorite restaurants right on the lake (Ontario). Even in single digit weather, this lake is immense and majestic ! We chose to watch our 5 point turkey wraps being made at Subway, then drove to the lake to eat in the cozy truck. Yes, in the absence of any pleading or editorializing about the Nutrisystem idea, DH jumped on board WW with me ! He views it as his choice, and is currently enjoying double tracking in MFP and WW, where he is purple. He is finally beginning to see that while calories are important, there are many rewards for nutritionally dense foods. What a win for both of us !! Grateful ! We are eager for an RV update from our attorney.

Liz, I wasn't calling out our tribe, simply being honest about my discomfort and yes, guilt, at the timing of the article being published. BB, you are doing a fabulous job with Charlotte and Becca. Happiness IS a choice, and I would never use the word mundane in regards to anything about you ! Ann, water IS key and PROCESS matters ! Your yoga lunch goal sounds great ! Deep clean away !! Ceci, I prefer outdoor chores over inside chores...how about you ? DD, enjoy FL !! Soak in some sun and heat for us ! Diane, good luck straightening out the bookkeeping ! Your pot pies always sound so enticing !! Peps, working your way through feeling the feels AND identifying key knowledge/awareness to empower your progress forward.... SCORE !

If it hits 40 today, before tomorrow's 6"+ of snow, I want to start unloading the RV and rehoming some duplicates BEFORE we get the call that a deal has been struck.

I think I probably used "calling out" inappropriately. What I meant was to thank you for the appreciation you expressed for our group, which is invaluable to me as well. I also did not know about the struggles you had post-op, but felt unsurprised by your dedication to losing the weight once you set your mind to it. You are an amazing woman!

Makes sense ! Thanks for clarifying. How ingrained those habits of filtering everything through a "I did something wrong" lense are!

Those lenses need to come off - Why do so many of us have them?

Liz, I took your comment to mean the same as "shout out"!

And that's a very good thing.

Because we're a very good group. :)

Weight 133.2, WW blue points 19. I'm not dehydrated so maybe in the next couple of days I'll hit the 133 I was on Saturday (dehydrated weight). My WW goal for the coming week is to get under 132 on Wednesday weigh-in day (morning weight with no clothes). We will see.

I wish I could get rid of all the clutter and be clean everywhere in my house, but that is going to take time. I'm hoping DS will get rid of some of his junk while I am in Florida, but I'd be really surprised if that occurs. I would like that stuff gone so I can start sorting through my own stuff during the summer and donate DH's hiking and camping equipment (there is a LOT).

I made the appropriate changes at the bank and went to social security yesterday. I found out that I can take social security survivor benefits until I choose to take my own social security (which will be higher). So I can let my benefits increase but still have money coming in from SS. Somehow I thought that survivor benefits were not available to me. I'll get about 91% of what DH was getting and I got signed up for Medicare while I was there. My list next week includes choosing my supplemental and part D plans.

Not much else today though I may meet a friend for dinner out tonight (or tomorrow). It is supposed to be slightly warmer (high 30's), so that will feel better for walking Justice.

Enjoy your Thursday!

And in other news ... it's snowing here. Schools are closed, yoga class was canceled, and WW was canceled.

Jeez ... what weenies!

I hope my book club this evening doesn't cancel.

BUT ... the house cleaners all made it here, and they're now hard at work. Since I'm here at home today I'm taking the opportunity to go through all the stacks of weird papers I found hiding in corners when I cleaned out closets, bookcases, and end tables. Jeez, I may actually get up-to-date on EVERYTHING!

BTW, the snow really is gorgeous!

Ha, I am in favor of weenie snow day behavior, I'd just as soon stay home (unless I was going to the airport, then get those roads and runways open!).