Saturday, 1/18/2020

Weight: 141.4
Veggies/Fruits: 7
Macronutrients: Cals - 1,673, Carbs - 202, Fats - 36, Protein - 100, Fiber - 22
Green SmartPoints: 34
Water: ZERO!
Sleep: 7.5 hours
Exercise: Yoga@home (30") and 6,121 steps

First, I offer this excerpt from an online ode to coffee. The poet's feelings are my own!

Without you I'd be useless,
lethargic and sedated.
I can't imagine living life
if I weren't caffeinated.

So ... hip-hop dance class last night was canceled due to freezing rain, which led to my not getting my targeted daily steps (8K this week). Then, like DD, I got some kind of weird food itch. Happily, I didn't do nearly as much damage as I might have; instead of eating cheese and bread I overindulged in sugar-free banana pudding and eventually found my way to sleep, my favorite solution for late night snacking urges.

Today will be cold and blowy here. I will attend some events in the afternoon and this evening, by which I mean I wish I didn't HAVE to attend any of them. I just want to snuggle up in my jammies and start reading next month's monster book club selection, The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish.

Tomorrow, on the strength of Cecily's movie review, I?m going to see Little Women. EDIT: Changed my mind and will see 1917.

Finally, DD was right about the delicious allusions to "Bohemian Rhapsody" in that Cosmopolitan Hotel ad. I had never seen the ad, went looking for it and am now smitten. Here's a link ... it really is worth the click. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6RBWOvOhMA

Weight 133, WW points 14, -1.6 on WW weigh-in.

I will definitely watch Little Women when available to stream (I am not a movie theatre person). I still haven't seen Bohemian Rhapsody because I was going to watch it with DH but he got beyond that point faster than I thought.

And yes. Ode to Caffeine! I am having a double coffee now (after my WW weigh-in).

Today we have a wake for a friend who died 5 days after DH. Two new widows. So weird. Question to the widows: when did you take your wedding ring off (or do you still wear it)?

Enjoy your Saturday!

It was months and months before I stopped wearing my wedding ring every day, then I wore it most days, then intermittently. Now I wear it only when I really feel like I want him to share something with me or feel I need his support at a tough time or wear it as a talisman for good luck because no one in my life has supported me 200% like he always did.

HOWEVER ... IMHO, there are zero rules about stuff like this because every widow's situation, relationship, grieving phases, etc. etc. etc. are unique to them. IMHO, there are zero meaningful "standards" for stuff like this. Nothing you do in this realm could be inappropriate or wrong in any way.

Thanks - I am thinking about eventually having it made into a pendant, but not for a while...

That's nice, too. :)

And it reminds me that my husband eventually converted his wedding ring from his second marriage (his second wife died of cancer) and all the diamonds he had given her during their marriage (earrings, etc.) turned into a beautiful ring that he gave to her eldest son.

They BOTH were so pleased by what that ring meant to them both.

Good morning. Anne I also use a piece of jewelry to honor a loved one, or include them so to speak. The last Christmas my MIL was alive, she gave me a little trinket, a tennis bracelet, made of shiny rhinestones. It was just something that caught her eye she told me. It's hard to describe, because it's clearly faux, but so charming. In the 30 years since she passed, I've worn it to every baptism, 1st communion, confirmation, and weddings of her grandchildren: my children and my nieces and nephews.

The aftermath of the storm doesn't look too bad from my windows, but hard to say what it will be like if I venture out. Staying put for now. Whatever happened yesterday with food seems to be gone for now. I woke up only wanting my chai lattes. DH has to work today, so I will have a nice dinner for him when he gets home. And more leftovers for my lunches.

We are going to Florida for a 4 day weekend at the end of the month. It's a quick visit since I only had 2 personal days to spend, but it will be so wonderful to feel some warm sun on my face.

Not much else to say, it's quiet here, and I've no firm plans until tomorrow evening. Feels like a day to get things done, or read, or maybe some of both.

Weight 196.4

The munchies were going around yesterday! I was really hungry yesterday evening (or I just wanted to eat, hard to tell). I stuck with the intermittent fasting because as a hardcore rule follower, when I have control of my eating I love a rule to follow. I think the movies midday threw me off because I didn't want to eat popcorn (too many points), didn't think ahead enough to smuggle in something that did fit my points. Then I had dinner and the eating window closed.

But I was thinking last night that I feel happy right now. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the theater restroom (because rarely do I intentionally look at myself. Holdover from obese days) and I thought I looked normal. Not busting out of my clothes in anyway, no bad chins, etc. I am in control of food at the moment. I was listening to music I love and had the energy and lack of aches to dance around a bit. And I smiled feeling happy. Equilibrium! I wrote down how I was feeling at that moment as my therapist urged me to do because I forget that feeling when I choose chaos and eating loads of garbage and feel like I have no other choice. I do have another choice and it feels so much better, though I can rarely see it through the fog of my crap eating cycles. Reading this it sounds like some sort of "food bipolar" state. When I'm doing well and feeling good it's very good and I feel like I can conquer anything. When I'm not it's very bad and I feel like I can't save myself. No wonder I crave equilibrium...

On a more positive note, I came across a very fun YouTube video from a crazy talented musician *****imagines popular songs as if they were performed by stylistically very different groups, but her process makes me wish I were musically inclined. Here's Lizzo's Truth Hurts if it were done my Mumford and Sons: https://youtu.be/Ru3u-qK1OxM

Happy Saturday!

OMG! To hear just the final cut, go to 11:30 in the vid. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru3u-qK1OxM&feature=youtu.be Thank you, Cecily.

BTW, 2017 is playing here, too, so I'm going to see that movie today instead of Little Women.