Sunday, January 5, 2020

Weight 136.2, up probably due to one slice of fantastic artichoke, roasted red pepper pizza last night. It was the first food I think I had really enjoyed for a couple of weeks (hence the former weight drop). But I was full after one, it was a relatively small one at that, and I did track it.

DS went with me yesterday to set up the funeral arrangements. I think we made some good choices, but thank goodness he was there because I'm not catholic but DH and the kids are. So I didn't know the Bible passages but DS had already picked out some good ones. And we chose some music from eldest DD's funeral, because DH had picked it as well as a couple others from MIL's funeral. We went to look at a lunch venue which DD had suggested and DS had researched. We booked it and put a deposit in. I need to call a couple of people to ask about their roles in the mass, but I think they will be fine. And we were able to get a date when the priest who was so close to our family when DD died and beyond is available. He is 92! Still sharp but physically becoming frail. I had called him a few days ago and he and our family were hoping he could do the mass. The wake will be on 1/14 and the funeral mass at 11 on 1/15. I will stay at DD's apartment with Justice so I don't have to board him. Since he was formerly a stray and so scared in the shelter when I met him I really wouldn't want to do that.

I cancelled my 1/12-2/13 trip to a Florida. I had another one booked from 3/10-4/14 which I will probably extend. Ann would know - what things would I need to do in the first few months after DH's death that I couldn't do remotely?

Today I am going to brunch with DS's birth family, then BIL is going to help take down Christmas decorations. It helps to keep busy. My goal this week is to get pictures picked out. At some point in the next couple of weeks we need to move furniture out of DH's facility. I had rented a cargo van to move it in. I suppose I could do the same to move it out.

Have a peaceful Sunday!

The biggest challenge paperwork wise is that everyone and their brother needs an original copy of the death certificate. That might be difficult to take care of remotely. We ordered five more than we estimated we'd need for my Dad (8I think) and only ended up with one left.

152.2 5.4# down, 7.2# to go

Liz, it sounds like all is going smoothly; a helping family is such a gift, as is DH's church family. Do you recall some of the Bible verses that were chosen? The tribute posted by one of Paul's friends so moved me- as if I were in a room with those that knew celebrating stories of a life well lived. It was beautiful.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 and Romans 8: 35, 37-39

Beautiful, Powerful verses. Oh, the great love of God.

OH, Shirl! Please take care. Praying for rain, cool, and a safe place for all Aussi animals.

Thank you so much x Its very confronting when you look at the sheer scale of the fires and how much of Australia is on fire. Those poor people who have lost loved ones and their homes, the farmers who are already struggling with Drought now have lost tens of thousands of stock - their remaining income streams. It just breaks my heart. Not to mention the native animals :(

So much loss is overwhelming. I'm so sorry, Shirl.

Liz, you've been dealing with Paul's and your joint financial and paperwork issues for a long time now, so you're going to be fine continuing to do so. But here are some things I had to deal with that I found to be huge hassles and energy drains after my DH died. You probably know about these things, but (for me) some of the stuff that was easier to deal with locally than remotely included:

1. Notifying the Social Security Administration of Paul's death (was he already receiving SS benefits?). Either way, you'll need to do that. There are "death benefits" to consider, albeit paltry. His passing might improve your own SS benefits, depending on how much your and his individual earned incomes were. I found this all so much easier to deal with in person at the local SS office than on the national SS phone network, which IMHO really sucks.

2. About the death certificate ... a lot of the requests I had for DH's death certificate allowed me to provide them with a photocopy instead of an original. Doesn't save a lot of money, but you can always query the need for originals vs. photocopies.

3. Assuming you have a financial advisor, there probably are going to be changes that have to be made in your retirement and other investment accounts. For example, you'll need to merge his retirement funds with yours, possibly reconsider your primary and other beneficiary decisions.

4. Take a look at YOUR current will. Consider whether his death might warrant any changes in your own will, either immediately or down the road. Making those changes will probably require a face to face meeting with your attorney, who may bring issues to your attention that aren't on your own radar. Hey, it's legal stuff, so it doesn't have to "make sense" ... some of that stuff is important though.

5. You may have already dealt with this, but if not you may (or may not) want "change everything" over to your name, instead of his or both your names, e.g., utility bills, bank accounts, car and real estate titles, etc. Be forewarned that some of those changes will require you to go through a whole new credit check, which can turn into a big PIA.

6. It's likely you're already aware of this, but if Paul was the primary credit card holder on any of your credit cards and you notify the banks of his death, they will suspend that/those credit cards. And that would mess up any automatic charges/withdrawals/payments you have arranged on those cards for periodic charges for utilities, internet, cable, phone bills, newspapers, Amazon Prime, etc. Just get in front of anything like that that could trip you up. As I said, you have probably already anticipated this.

I'm sure there's tons more stuff. Again, feel free to give me a call. I sometimes recall things better when I'm thinking out loud.

Thank you! I actually think there won't be a lot of issues, because I had to take over so much the last five years. We owned this house as "tenants by the entirety" so it automatically passes to me. All utility bills are mine, the Florida condo was purchased in my name only and the bills there are mine. We changed the vehicle ownership and our investment accounts to me only over the last few years and we never had any joint credit cards. So I think the major things are social security (he was getting payments), taking his name off our joint checking account (they wouldn't do that while he was alive even with my POA), and moving his IRA accounts to me.