12/31/2019 Tuesday (New Year's Eve)

Weight: 141.2
Veggies/Fruits: 8-Macronutrients: Cals - 1,237, Carbs - 125, Fats - 29, Protein - 98, Fiber - 32 SmartPoints (Green): 26
Water: 1 cup
Sleep: 9 hours
Exercise: Approximately 5,000 steps (put on charged Fitbit at midday)


Wow! It's the last day of 2019. The years are moving so fast now. Having just turned 74, I'm hyper- aware of the critical importance of my aunt's long-ago advice to "Do it now!"

And another Wow! The scales are moving down fast. I love this. I'm also much less hungry since I've been eating clean again these last few days. All those veggies and fruits satisfy my hunger so much. Not saying it's the same for everyone, but it sure is for me.

What I'm still sucking on though is hydration. It's a JFDI situation!

And yea! We have yoga class this morning! Our teacher suspended classes for only the Christmas week, not two weeks like she did last year.

Finally, this house is about to be cleaned within an inch of its life with all furniture cleaned behind, carpets cleaned, floors cleaned, tile cleaned and regrouted (where necessary), doors and everything else scrubbed down and dusted, plus baseboards, cabinets, mirrors, furniture, artwork, kitchen and laundry room appliances ... the list goes on. This could change my whole outlook on life, eh?

I have a feeling that 2020 is going to be good year. It's time for me to look forward more and move forward. There's so much I could say about that, especially about my bereavement since my husband's death, which changes constantly and never really ends, but I'll leave it at that.

Happy New Year, 2020! We're ready for a good one!

No weight this AM

I feel excited but lost about 2020. For the past couple years I've been pregnant--so a lot of change to expect and prepare for. Prior to that I had a career, a new marriage, education. This is a first year where I'm just going to be. That is very scary and anticlimactic for me, yet also exciting as I think I will have time (ha!) or more likely "space" to improve upon some smaller things.

Yesterday was a bittersweet day. My grandmother's piano was moved into my house. She gave (and by gave i mean paid for, drove me, sat by me while I practiced) me piano lessons. We both played. I always knew I would someday have her piano. So when I made a bid on one at an estate sale 3-4 years ago I knew it was a placeholder. I suppose I should've been more prepared for her death. She was almost 89. But I wasn't. And I don't know that I ever would have been. She is in nearly every memory I have--both adult and child. We were close both physically (at one point she lived across the street two houses down) and emotionally. She truly was my best friend. Forever. BFFs. Anyway, the piano looks beautiful here and it sounds angelic. I could feel her so strongly as I held my baby (she loved babies more than anyone I have ever known!) and gazed upon it and then played it. I am very thankful for that gift, and for the person and the memories that make it so special.

I guess overall 2020 is about finding a new normal. Without grandmommy. With two babies.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my "word" for 2020. I used to think it was a stupid concept but now I love it. I really want something that means go with the flow but without diminishing planning and structure. Because I MUST have planning and structure. Rather, I want to be able to be okay and even enjoy plans when they change, as they invariably will do. So I'm 90% sure Adapt is my word. But I'm open to recommendations. I think presence was my word for last year. I'm continuing with that spirit but looking at one of the reasons I cannot seem to be present and just enjoy--which was my failure to adapt. Or something like that. Same is true about weightloss in all honesty. It's like if there's an unanticipated food or I go overboard, fuhgettaboutit

Interesting to hear about all your cruising experiences. I have never really wanted to be on a cruise because my impression was that it insulated you from the cultures you were visiting. And even though I've been on several all inclusive beach vacations, I prefer my toes in the sand looking out onto the water. But this was a gift and I'll try to keep an open mind (ha!)

Who went on the Alaskan cruise? Diane S.? Now that I'd be really interested in.

I'm excited for some adult time but anxious to leave kids. Trigger warning: I follow some youtube mom vloggers because it's a very noncommittal way for me to watch some "tv" while home with the girls. Anyway, one of the moms I follow laid her 3 month old son down for a nap Christmas day, went to check on him and he wasn't breathing. Over the course of the following days they determined he had no brain function. I don't know this person, but especially as a mom of young babies, I cannot imagine her pain. The thought itself is horrifying. I'm trying to discipline myself not to think of those "what ifs" but that is especially hard as we prepare to leave our babies.

It also reminds me of how close we can sometimes feel to people we don't even know. This woman shared a more intimate view on her struggles with motherhood. She was so relatable. And I hope it goes without saying that I feel very close to you guys also because I think we're so honest and vulnerable in our own struggles.

Hmm. Maybe I should be more vulnerable and honest in real life too.

Christmases. Yes the work definitely falls to the women. My dad used to joke that he just wanted to "cancel" Christmas so they didn't have to do all the work, but really what he meant was tha****ching my mom do all the work was uncomfortable to him. I guess I have a young perspective of just now being in the thick of it but I feel pressure to make it great for my kids like my mom and grandmother have done for me. Sure it's a lot of work. But for me it's a labor of love. I guess I also have the perspective from my 21 year old stepdaughter who doesn't want to go visit her mom because it doesn't feel like home. Now that she's able to choose where to spend holidays, she keeps choosing us. I have found that it's the homemade meals, family photos on the walls, tradition-making that matter to her. This pleases me immensely. I feel like the fruits of my labor has paid off.

I think it was DD talking about how everything falls to her. Ugh I feel that. But I'm also a control freak so I guess that's okay. I guess we're the people who care so we get the heartache along with that. Wouldn't it be nice to be the person who just didn't give a rat's?

Christmas went pretty gosh-darned well this year considering. Mostly just want to move up everything by a week next year. So perhaps some decorating before Thanksgiving. Maybe some cooking making and freezing in November. I regret not having a Christmas card but I guess that's pretty small. If I do change my mind next year, I will need to get us all together for a photo in late October or early november and work on maintaining my address list all year.

You have had a lot of changes in the past couple of years and there will be more to come. I think your are doing everything right! And I'm positive you will have a fantastic career ultimately. It's okay to take a side road!

I did a cruise in Alaska and LOVED it. Unfortunately at the time both DH and I were working so we didn't do the land tour, but everyone I know who has done that in addition have been thrilled. It was very different from the other cruises I had been on in the Caribbean. You always see land, whales abound and there are a lot of opportunities to experience Alaska (I think).

Weight 136! Minus 2 since Friday and 11 to my original goal of 125. I am getting that feeling of control that I needed, I am losing weight, and I am not hungry. As you said Ann, amazing what clean eating will do.

I wish I could go to yoga again - maybe next week...

So if I could pick someone to play me I'd love it to be Meryl Streep but people have sometimes said I resemble Jennifer Anniston. I'm closer in age to Meryl and love her acting abilities. What do you think?

We are waiting to transfer back to DH's facility in the next hour. Finally. He had a tough day yesterday - different but difficult. It might have been a last fight? He has been super calm and peaceful all night and today so far. Completely out of it and that is probably how he needs to stay now. Sad but a relief that he isn't scared anymore.

Have a wonderful New Years Eve!

So... got up at 4 AM and after 2nd cups of coffee, DC and I were taking a shower in our master bath. All of a sudden, our downstairs fire alarm went off, quickly followed by our upstairs alarm. Full of soap, we scrambled out of the bath and bedroom (mind you, DH currently does NOT scramble) to find heavy smoke billowing upstairs through the fanned vents from the pellet stove area in the basement. We got the dogs outside and wrapped in a towel, I went downstairs to check the stove and find the cats. There was no visible flame and the situation clearly emanated from the pellet stove, which I unplugged. As he went to call 911, DH found a voice message that the alarm company had tried to reach us and when they couldn't dispatched the fire department. We barely had time to throw on clothes before they arrived. Long story short, our stove pipe backed up and created the smoke. If the situation had continued, the fire could have moved beyond the fire box, where it is supposed to be, into the pellet bin... which would not have been good. The fire department opened up the house and used their heavy fans to remove as much smoke as they could. They had to notify Code Enforcement, and we have to have a professional chimney cleaner come and inspect then remediate and file a report, then the Code Enforcer has to come and inspect and clear the stove before we can use it again, which we'd want anyway. Our luck continued (no water, no axes) and the chimney sweep is coming today and the Code Enforcer is scheduled for Thursday. We'll be smelling smoke for a while, and I'll have to wash down the walls, my newly cleaned drapes and curtains as well as many of our clothes BUT it could have been so, so much worse.

Have no metrics for you today. Talk to you 2020 ! So much to be grateful for !!

Thank goodness you caught it quick (and will be able to laugh about it over time)!

OH! Thank goodness. Grace abounds. Definitely a glass half full/half empty moment. I call it half full, for sure! Take a moment to relax before digging in to the smoke stuff. Hearts and minds need to reset for sure.

Yikes! So glad that had a good ending!

Holy smokes! (Sorry). Would insurance pay for any of the post smoke clean up? Glad you are all okay.