12/18/19, Wednesday

Oh, do put that shame away! For heaven's sake; heed the lessons of my journey. I have regained 100 pounds, +/- a few. I shed my shame quite some time ago. Now, do I get down on myself, a little depressed (okay sometimes a lot depressed) that I am once again obese? Sure, I do! But shame really has no place in my process anymore. Shame and guilt are useless emotions on this journey.

Definitely raised as a shame based child. I've spent a lot of time unlearning shame, and learning my worth. I'm proud of where I'm at. But, yes, shame is an emotion that slithers in from time to time, but it's not where I live anymore.

Me, too. My dad still comments on my "gut". You'd think that at 90 he could let it go, but he can't. I now always counter with, "Yes, I'm fat again, but I'm strong as hell."

Yes - baby steps! I tracked today too for the first time since early June. We know what habits work, now we just have to put them back in play.

I am still so grateful for my VSG which doesn't stop my grazing and late night eating, but it does keep me from eating huge amounts at one time. And I know that if I eat protein first it shuts down my wanting to cram cookies in my mouth because I feel so full. I am positive I would have gained at LEAST twice that without the VSG. And btw, I do think I was probably up a bit higher a couple of weeks ago. Sitting at a facility without snacks for a large part of the day has been quite effective at reducing my ability to graze.

As fast as I've gained, like you, it would have been way worse without the sleeve! There are times when I feel so limited in how much I can eat. And other times where I intentionally pick the stuff that goes down easily and quickly racks up the calories. I do a lot of self-sabotage under the heading of "just this time, then I'll go back to eating what I should."

Diane, thank you for the perspectives from your online WW group. Just remember, you were ours first :) and also, admiration on how you tackle the tasks life throws at you. I hope your DH fully appreciates how you keep it all going, all the time.

The housecleaning service was here yesterday. What a pleasure to walk into the house today, and have it all sparkly and clean. Except, the cat threw up. At least it was in the kitchen and not the carpet.

We are watching the Crown very slowly as it's not just coordinating with DH, BFF is joining us. In the meantime, DH and I started Bloodlines. Stellar cast. And the setting, the Florida Keys, just looks soooo beautiful.

Tomorrow is our staff potluck. I'm bringing a salad. I'll do my best, and I'll concentrate on the pleasure of socializing with my colleagues over the food.

One thing I'm happy about this Christmas season, I've been stocking up on supplies for the last few weeks so hopefully I can avoid the mad dash to pick up xxx. Plus spreading out the expenses make me feel less stressed. And having 6 bottles of Prosecco chilling in the downstairs dorm fridge makes me feel festive!

12-14-19

Rain here today. A little on the cool side.

We had Adalyn s birthday party on Saturday. For the most part she was not happy. Still not well. She liked the cake and one of her presents.

Eating has been all over the place for me. I have never been a night eater. Lately I can not get up to the bathroom without a sleepy stop at the fridge. Kinda on a cheese and cracker thing.

While the knee is improving if I sleep in the bed I turn on my side. That is not a good sleeping position for my knee. I have been getting up in the night in pain to finish the remainder of the night in the recliner.

Wrote that a few days ago. Adalyn has had some weird behavior lately after she gets home from school. The bitting at school has slowed but she wears a plastic cookie snapped to her shirt. When she gets mad she bites the plastic cookie. We ordered a dozen for her to use at home. Her chest cold is a little better but she woke tonight vomiting. DD got her all cleaned up and she threw up again. I hope her night goes better.

Knee report. Right post op knee is better. I am using it more. Using less pain meds. Today I was moving some appliances from the pharmacy. Got them loaded on the trailer. I was tying them down. Tripped, fell in the trailer, dislocated my right shoulder jammed my neck and bugger up my left knee. I popped my shoulder back in while I was getting up off the deck of the trailer. I have 3 ice packs on. 3 lidocaine patches on. Got back into my pain meds. And I am using my walker to get to the bathroom. Trying not to beat myself for pulling such a stupid move. Boooo as peps says.

Boo indeed ! You just can't catch a break ! Feel better !

Geez Dave. Be easy on yourself and let everything heal. Adalyn needs you to be moving around with her!