12/18/19, Wednesday

1. Within Range: 8 over
2. General Wellbeing: 7.5
3. 10,000+ Steps: 9761
4. Fitness: shoveling, moving pellets
5. Self-Care: making our home feel inviting and pleasing
6. Fun: unpacked Amazon boxes

Windows are done and we are very pleased. Both the aesthetic and warmth differences are significant ! Snowing and wind chills in the teens for the rest of the week, so especially grateful. Rods and new window treatments continue to arrive. I'll keep you posted!! Our second ton of wood pellets (of 3 or 4) for the season arrived yesterday. DH was supposed to order them and stack them in the basement before surgery. Usually the Lowes forklift can finesse them into the garage beyond the automatic garage door eye, but he was off by mere centimeters, which we didn't discover until he had left. I was able to use my Subaru Forester to nudge the pallet forward enough to get the door down. There are fifty, forty pound bags and my goal for today is to get at least ten into the basement and the other forty stacked in the garage. Will be scheduling a massage for later today or tomorrow. Friday is a cut and color, and I'm actually going to have my stylist use my Bitmoji ME as her prototype for the asymmetrical style I'm loving. I'll put it on our FB page.

I am liking what I am seeing in the WW online support materials and communities. I want to share two posts from others, which really resonated with me today:

1. Self control should be viewed as an ongoing decision making process, NOT rigid rules. The standard definition is ALL or Nothing, making us feel like we are In control or Out of control. The truth is, we can only control each individual choice.
2. If you quit now, you'll end up where you first began. When you first began, you were desperate to be where you are right now.

Peps...STOP ! Skip right to the thinking that includes more than the number on the scale ! You are NOT where you were before ! Appreciate that physical and emotional growth ! Ceci, I say YES to the car ! Something slinky and electric !! Diane, I'm so excited to hear about the pool exercise equipment. You CAN do sooo much in the water ! It's the closest I'll ever come to some yoga poses ! Shirl, you must be getting so excited about your party ! Feel better and enjoy ! Leap, an update on Adalyn and your knee, please ! DD (and Peps), you can make it three more days !! Miss Bonnie...is your son settling in ? BB, your shopping assistants are so adorable !! Did they make it through the store ? Liz, you are constantly in my thoughts. A geriatric psych unit bed WILL become available for Paul. Love and positive thoughts to Liz and ALL !

Diane! Love your new windows!- especially the three panel picture window.

Wow, all those bags-o-pellets! I have no idea of the configuration of surface-steps-etc. from garage to basement. Pre-imagining how to may make the task easier. "Work smarter, not harder". We have used common "tools" around the house to help move stuff...old sheets or throw rugs to glide instead of carrying....once we (only if the packaging is strong enough) laid two long boards making a slide of the basement steps and sent the items free sliding down. I've used a large plastic laundry basket attached to a rope- stood at the top of stairs and let the basket (sled) down slowly down stairs.

Thank you for WW#2 thought. So much truth in that. I've wondered at the truth in attitude of being in a certain "space". The "glass is half full" for all of us if we want to look at it as so. When I do not see myself in a place of fortune (and sometimes I don't) is when I loose the higher ground and become victim of cir****tances instead of overcomer. 5#s or 8# or 20 or 100 does not damn me - only when I continue to make choices that keep me there. (And in writing this, I see I am most of needing to hear it)!

I think I may have briefly mentioned Asher did not make his move. I know that place of fear and despair- where what you have- no matter how unhealthy, self destructive and undesired - the unwillingness-seeming inability-feeling unworthy of better---all of that keeps us from moving into that place God intends for all; a place of love. I pray he will come to know his beauty and worth (soon!)

Bonnie I so hope your son finds the strength to live his life, in as you so beautifully put it, the place that God intends for all. As he journies there, he has something not all have, parents who will abide with him. And that is an enormous blessing.

Weight 138 in the morning with no clothing or coffee on board. Not as bad as I thought (I was fearing 150). I'm up 4 pounds since I last weighed in early June and up 15 from a year ago. I'd like to lose at least that 15 and maybe a couple more.

So I feel better today: I slept, went to a WW meeting and went to yoga. I need the accountability of WW to lose some weight and I think I need it to feel more control over my life. I believe a lot of my anxiety has been because I have had no control over what DH is going through and couldn't fix things. So I am going to try WW as a means to two objectives first (then maybe pursue an anti-anxiety medication if things don't settle down).

We figured out which inpatient geriatric psych hospitals will take our insurance finally. But in the meantime the nurse I have been consulting with talked to the office of a neuropsychologist 1/2 hour away who we tried to see last year but he wouldn't take a new patient. It sounds like they may be willing up to accept DH now. All requested info has been faxed. If that doesn't happen quickly or doesn't work, we are back to the inpatient route but at least we know what the options are. DH was a bit better yesterday afternoon and today because he finally got some sleep after about two days of almost constant pacing and only short lie-downs. That helps me feel better too.

Oh and I may have a dinner "date" tomorrow night.

Love you guys!!! Thank you for being here. When is Paula's wedding date???

Have a winning Wednesday!

Same dinner date friend that makes you laugh?

Yes - the same. Old friend from high school.

Interesting that once we finally weigh ourselves, we can exhale, no matter what we learn. I'm happy your number was not as high as you were expecting. You've got this.

I love those two points, Diane, thank you! Both things we know, but both things I fail to remember when it matters.

It's true (at least for me) that reducing chaos in my home helps reduce chaos in my eating. So a few things I'm trying to make my life feel less chaotic are keeping my kitchen and family room clean. I also throw a few things in my "donate" box each day. I have several books to take to the friends of the library today.

I do think I'll use the new car as my carrot on a stick. The top of my range is 175 and today I am 33.4 pounds over that. Oh how I hate writing that down!! I started logging my food today. It's one of my habits when I'm doing well that I stop when I'm slipping. Same goes for weighing daily.

Baby steps...

I know it cost you to write down that number, but thank you. I too am about 35 pounds from where I want to be, and where I hung out rather easily for a few years. By having the courage to post your numbers, you help me put away some shame. I am not alone.

No you aren't alone!