VSG Maintenance Group
Saturday the 14th
Quiet day at DH's place. But he did listen to a few songs when the local Montessori group came in. Then we walked laps around the halls.
I have the camera installed and working in DH's room. It is helpful for knowing when to turn music on or to ascertain if he has slept. He got a full 9 hours last night which is pretty good.
This afternoon I am finally getting the first installment of the shingles vaccine - it has been hard to get here. Tonight I am going to dinner with the male friend I had dinner with in early November. It will be good to have a break from this depressing situation.
Have a satisfying Saturday. It is quite rainy here...
Liz 5'3" HW: 219 SW: 185 GW: 125 LW: 113 Desired maintenance range: 120-125 CW: 119ish
Good morning! Liz, when you say knowing to turn on the music, are you watching Paul's room with the camera, and trying to add environmental things to help him feel calmer? 9 hours of sleep sounds good, I hope it continues. Enjoy your dinner out tonight, embrace happy distraction whenever you can.
The show we saw last night was so moving. It's called All is Calm. It's based on true story of a Christmas truce between soldiers, German and English, the first year of WW I. The presented the story with an ensemble of 12 actors/soldiers whose lines were letters written by soldiers who were there, interspersed with music from the era and Christmas carols from both countries. Through the songs and narration, we learn troops crossed into no man's land, exchanged gifts, buried each other's dead together, sang together,posed for pictures and even played soccer. They were eventually ordered back to their trenches and the combat resumed. We then learn this same piece of land was fought over for four more Christmases. How tragic.
I discovered yet another food oddity in my thinking. We usually have a glass of wine or ****tail before the show , and I almost always buy a snack ,because I realized last night, I'm afraid I'll get hungry during the performance and it will interfere with my enjoyment. Another form of preventative or just in case eating. This food thing, sigh.
I am sticking with my plan today to have no plans. Our school is performing their musical this weekend, and several of my students are in it. I was thinking about attending, but I really need this day. I might go shopping if I feel like it, but no specific plans.
Time to show up in the kitchen, the delicious smell of bacon being cooked by dh beacons.
Liz, I am so sorry for all you are having to deal with. I hope you have someone in your life with whom you can unload. You are carrying a heavy burden.
I am feeling chagrinned because I don't "feel" I have anything much to contribute lately. I read every day. I am keenly interested in everyone's goings on, but am feeling unmotivated, uninclined to post much of anything. Even this reply is feeling forced. And it's not as if I don't want to "hang out" with you all. It's more a matter, I think, of not wanting to deal with my own reality.
Yesterday my BFF was over. He ate the last piece of a gift box of chocolate caramels that was given to me by a client. These chocolates are over the top premier chocolatier delicacies! Each one a piece of art in appearance and flavor. These were chocolates I treasured. There were 9 in the box. I had been so controlled I had eaten only 1 per day since I got them and even gave Ron two of them. I had saved the pretty purple one for last. Then BFF popped it in his mouth while foraging for something in the kitchen. I hear him say, "Oh....., Mmmmm, how interesting the flavor of lavender creeps up on you while you eat it." My hackles went up and I said, "Are you eating my LAST piece of chocolate?" Hello Mr. I'm a Two Year Old with super duper possession issues. Hello Mr. IT'S MINE! I mean, how ******g embarrassing for him that I should make a fuss over a stupid ass chocolate. Talk about the food demon, food addict coming to the surface. Luckily, I have been able to make amends for my absolutely ridiculous behavior, but I am still feeling embarrassed and upset with myself that I should have had such a reaction. It was steeped in addiction - you know, the OMG you took my last cigarette!..... OMG, you drank the last of the vodka!..... OMG, I NEEDED that!.... reaction.
I am glad I am able to see the stupidity of my reaction. But it is alarming to me that I am still so deeply entrenched in my food issues. It does make me feel rather hopeless and ill equipped to ever get back to an emotionally manageable weight.
This level of addiction was in full swing long before the puppies came, so I can't point my finger at the stress of this litter. Maybe the additional stress has upped the game, but everything was already in play. I have been playing this game in earnest for months and on and off for years.
Today I cancelled my morning grooming. I needed a calm, quiet morning to myself and my thoughts. I will go the gym, come home have a decent lunch and then groom my afternoon clients. I will play with puppies - they are sitting up, walking, falling and rolling, learning to growl and play with one another. They are at the stage where they are able to start to "learn" and accept things with cognition. I love this stage. They are now reacting to my voice and my smell and my presence.
Best to all....
on 12/14/19 10:58 am
My hackles were raised for you, proving once again we are very similar in our food attitudes! If I were a dog, I'd be a resource guarder, biting those who dare to eat what's mine. I get really irritated when people come over and start eating my favorite stuff without asking. If they ask first, I may still raise internal hackles, but my adult hostess usually takes over and I say "sure" but not without secretly wanting to grab it and run so they can't have it. This is only with my favorite things. Healthy food (aka food I don't want), I have no issues with.
Goodness, you've come to the right place to discuss this. When I read flavors of lavender, I felt a twinge of mourning for the lost caramel, and it wasn't even mine to begin with. And clearly, your friend who is no doubt a dear person, does not know the Midwest rule: you never take the last one. Never. Honored in homes and break rooms, if there is one cookie left, you break off a piece, done over and over until a last sliver is left, which hardens, and is then thrown away. A journalist recently opined, we leave the last piece for Prince.
Do join in Peps, we miss you. You can offer us a weather report if nothing else. It soothes my shivering soul to know, that somewhere out there, sunshine is actually warm.
