12/10/19, Tuesday

1. Within Range: 5 over
2. General Wellbeing: 7 and trending up
3. 10,000+ Steps: 5421
4. Fitness: stairs for laundry, nursing duty walking
5. Self-Care: scheduled mani & pedi
6. Fun: walking the dogs

My serenity scale score is trending up. Temps in the 40s and light rain this AM, so I may be able to get some of the compacted snow off the back deck and clear out grill for some cooking. I have been getting two Home Chef boxes a week for the last year. The options are increasing in carb and calorie content so I cancelled and am trying Green Chef for the first delivery today. I love the ease of meal boxes and the ingredients are often those I may never have tried/thought of, like collard greens, watermelon radish, bok choy.. I scheduled a mani and pedi for tomorrow. Thursday, DH returns to the ortho for a check up and OT/PT Rx. Yes Diane, he probably should have gone to rehab for a few days, but he is trying his best. Friday I have my rescheduled therapist visit from when I missed it due to hospital stay. I WILL combine that trip with a trip to the gym/pool. This weekend, I begin packing up DH's office, which is right along the windows. He swears he knows what is there and exactly where everything is, but he has piles of clutter all over the house. He chose not to take care of it before surgery so I'm hoping to do some purging while I pack. Cause and effect at its best !

Miss Bonnie, TY for the sage advice...on point as usual ! The pizzellas look fabulous !! They'd be crack to me, right along with Diane's PB cups ! Liz, does DH's current facility have the capacity to effectively manage his disease progression ? Thank God for Justice !! Have you considered finding a FL Dr to recommend Emotional Support status for you ? DD, you are our social butterfly !! Your broccoli cheese soup has inspired me to make split pea soup today ! I always thought sick days should be called health days. We all need time to focus on wholistic health, and it is a strength to take that time. Leap, you go with that shop organization theme ! Pretty soon, Adalyn will be a wonderful gopher !! Ceci, yeah on the reclamation !! Keep it up ! Yes, we want pictures of your tree with new lights ! What a tragedy in NZ, and so glad it wasn't part of your experience ! Peps, congratulations on eight years !! Hope things are looking up today !! My offer for a week long exchange between Chuck and Ron still stands, LOL !! Diane, can't wait to hear how the pot roast turned out ! Please do share and stealth purging techniques that have worked for you ! Shirl, feel better soon !! The steer struggle can't have helped !! We all wish we could be there for your soiree !!

I am so glad you are feeling more positive Diane. Good for you taking mani/pedi time.

Yesterday was calls from mid-morning until bedtime about DH. DH's facility is not unlike any other. They can't take care of someone who is aggressive. Many places kick them out, but this one will work with us to get DH's brain in a calmer state. Which it needs to be because he is filled with paranoia and extreme fear right now which is why he is acting out. Not a good mind to live in.

So the last call was a LONG one with a nurse not associated with the facility, but who consults with our support organization. She specializes in Geri-psych issues and dementia. She asked a lot of questions about DH's behavior including things not related to his acting out, such as how he eats and walks. Based on his diagnosis of Logopenic Primary Progressive Aphasia (PPA) with Alzheimers as the underlying disease, she feels that his behavior is likely a result of the disease progression in his frontal temporal lobe (which is what is affected with PPA). The frontal temporal lobe is what controls behavior and a lot of the other issues he has with daily living skills. The facility, doctor, and the nurse feel that DH needs an inpatient stay in a Geriatric Psych ward at a local hospital (this one is known throughout New England as being one of the best for this). He would be there for 1-2 weeks to get his medications figured out so he feels calmer during the day and can sleep at night. They will also rule out any potential for pain which can also cause acting out because DH can't tell us about it. I was really resisting this but the nurse convinced me that it is the right thing to do and the right place to go. We are hoping to wait until I am home mid-day on Thursday to do it so I can take him. I called BIL and asked him to stay with DH during the day today and tomorrow to basically do a 1:1 until I get home. Boy, this journey stinks. Just when I think I've got a solution to the situation, things change. It has been this way for years now. In the meantime, I received an email last night that one of the men in DH's former early stage group died yesterday after being on hospice the last few weeks. I felt jealous (and now guilty for that feeling).

Anyway, today I'll have follow-up calls to set this in motion (at my pace) today. Hopefully it will be quieter after that. I did sleep last night so I guess my mind is feeling acceptance about it all.

Have a thoughtful Tuesday!

I just can't hit the like button, as there is NOTHING to like about this !! So sorry you have to deal with this and make so many decisions no spouse should have to make. Love and hugs.

Sweet pie! Hugs. Please, no guilt. The very fact that those thoughts crossed your mind is proof of just how very difficult a space you are in, and only a reflection of the crisis you (the both of you) are experiencing. It is in no way connected nor discounts the love you have for DH, and does not make you a bad person.

I believe God does not ask us to be perfect, rather, he calls us to do the very best we can in love and compassion for each other. It seems to me you are doing just that. Your faithfulness to your husband is proof in action.

The like is an acknowledgement. Nothing to like about Paul's situation. So, so sorry for what you are all going through. As tough as it is, I'm sure the nurse is right about admitting him to get his meds sorted out. I think your envy is normal. If you would like some company in guilty thoughts, I secretly hope that my older aunt dies before my younger aunt so I'm not stuck with being her primary guardian, which I will be if my younger aunt dies first.

No guilt, Liz. None. Relief was one of my primary emotions when my mom died right along with grief. It's okay to want peace for you and for Paul. When there is no improvement to be had ahead, only more suffering for everyone, it would be masochistic to not want it all to stop.

Liz what a time you are having. So many complex issues. I think you are right to accept the advice of the nurse and do the evaluation at the psych hospital. Now is truly the time to rely on experts. Glad your DS agrees. And glad BIL will pitch in.

Please don't feel guilty about any feelings. They are normal and everyone can relate. WE are all thinking of you and wishing the best. Diane S

Liz I would hope should my DH ever have to endure what Paul is experiencing, that I could take care of him as faithfully as you have cared for Paul. Perhaps we all would find reserves of strength if called upon, but *****ally knows. I admire you.

150.0

Diane! I notice the pro-active tone in your post! Moving out of reactive/defensive to, well, moving in itself, sends one to a place of serenity--which is so good!

Speaking of moving- it is cold out side- but there is no wind and there is sun. Wonder if DH is up for a walk.... Later today am off to make Christmas ornaments with kiddos in after school program. Tomorrow iit is off to the dentist-(a crown popped off) all I have here to home is some Elmer's...

Have a wonderful day, folks. Thinking of all with smiles...

Ouchy! get that naughty little crown back where it belongs! DS