Monday, October 14 2019

Weight 166.5

Crazy how weight fluctuates from one day to the next. I guess that's why ultimately I prefer to weigh daily. It helps me to see (for the most part) what's real and not. If I only weighed every week or two I might see a 2lb. jump and think it was genuine. But today? Who knows why?!

I started to post the other day but then a kid woke up.

Liz-I can imagine it's hard knowing what to do regarding your living situation and house. I'm sure the house just for you is a lot. And maybe a change of scenery wil be nice. But I also understand how it could be hard of DS. Heck, I'm sad about selling my grandmother's house. They lived just 4 blocks from my parents and now wevery time I go to my parents' house it's a reminder. My parents have even contemplated moving for this reason which might make me more sad because that's my childhood home, pool, pets buried in backyard etc. It's just hard making changes no matter the reason.

I struggle with change. I saw a photo on FB that I shared recently that said "no amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future." Wow if that wasn't just what I need to learn! So I'm trying to be present in the moment, knowing that it'll change and be gone and cannot be recaptured. All things must pass. Good and bad.

DH's old job just completed another round of layoffs. That marks 3 in 18 months since he was let go (and 2 prior to that--but they are speeding up). Once again, change. Starting to look like a good and necessary change. But it was so good while it lasted. My granddad worked for a company for 25 years before switching jobs and I guess my husvband kind of hoped for the same, but it's a new era.

We were all sick last week, did I tell you? Stomach flu. And now this morning I discovered Becca woke up in vomit. Doesn't seem to be same stomach but so I don't know what to think. Not a good start to my stay at home mom life although it did occur to me that I would've probably had to take off a minimum of 3 days in the past 2 weeks to be with a sick kid anyway. I'm beginning to think more and more that I will go back to work. I just need that kind of marker to feel accomplished. And that's okay. Everyone has different needs. But I am trying to enjoy while I'm here.

I met a woman who'd had VSG the other day. We were at a show and she told me she'd lost 184lbs. with the sleeve. Only now, 9.5 years later, do I feel comfortable opening up about my sleeve and usually still only to people that I feel it would help. I guess I still don't want negativity or opinions from people who don't understand. But this woman admitted to me that she had been sitting there thinking about me "does she know how lucky she is to have never worried about weight?" Ha!

I do think that goes to show you, though, that you need to get out of your own head and have some perspective on what to be grateful for. I can be hard on my body, really hard. But I have so much more to be thankful for!

It is overcast and dreary again today after a beautiful day yesterday. I hope it brightens up a bit later when I take Justice for a beach walk.

I am not planning to visit DH today as friends are there this morning. As usual I feel guilty about not going. Tomorrow I plan to go and cut his hair.

I will be waiting for the garage people again this afternoon. I hope I'm not last in the two hour window again...

Nothing else planned. I need to get my act together and start weighing and tracking again. Soon...

Have a mood uplifting Monday!

My pre-trip planning has entered the anxiety and "buying too much to quell said anxiety" phase.

Yesterday I had a good food day (not as good exercise wise). I went to a friend's house for lunch and made up some greek salad with farro and chicken thighs for dinners the next few days.

Today I am going out to lunch with several friends at a hamburger place and then to REI to find rain pants, some waterproofing spray to treat my rain jacket and other trip stuff. And I need a new soft-sided suitcase (the tour company prefers them over hard-sided, which is what I have). Maybe a Costco visit for that. See? Shopping as anxiety quelling.

I also have lots of maintenance appointments to make for me and my car. Off to it!

Bonnie I agree, I will talk about my sleeve if someone who could benefit from bariatric surgery asks how I lost weight. But people who are just curious, nope. I'm not using my daily allotment of energy and time to educate them about WLS. Maybe I'm missing an opportunity to destigmatize surgery, but it's just not how I want to spend my time.

Late check in for me today. Busy, busy day. Took the kiddos on an all day field trip to an historic farm in the middle of a business park! It was built in 1903, survived the distant effects of the SF earthquake in 1906 (though the chimney did fail, but fell away from the house instead of on and into it), became a school for kids with cerebral palsy, then was vacant for about 15 years before becoming the charge of the historical society. Fun is had by all, but with this year's group I was kept on my toes non stop!

Here's a link for anyone interested. http://www.visitwalnutcreek.org/shadelands-ranch-museum/ I enjoy local history. Humor my share. LOL!

Weight continues to ease on down. The 3+ pounds I found in PA have pretty much gone back to the east coast from where they came.

I am enjoying the book, Get Serious, that I am reading. I didn't read too much over the weekend, but hope to read tonight.

Went to the shrink today and had a pretty good session. Was awfully nice being able to talk about my weight, my body, addictive tendencies and history, etc... without getting down on myself, leaving frustrated, or depressed. I am really liking this positive acceptance part of my journey. It's weird that I can feel and am predicting a positive "something's coming". Like the song says, "...something's coming I don't know what it is, but it is gonna be great..."

Until next time....