Tuesday, October 8th

How can this be that I am the first to post today? Well, I saw Ann posted from France on yesterday's post... but goodness, the easterners must be busy!

Got on the scale. Should have waited. The number showed a full 100 pound regain. I'm sitting with that. Not freaking out, but sitting with it. Luckily, I am aware that it's not the same 100 pounds I lost. That knowledge is helpful.

Got off the plane yesterday with an ankle the size of a cantaloupe and the other the size of a watermelon! What the heck is up with that? I wish I understood what it is about air travel that makes my lower extremities swell to such a degree. My left calf actually felt stretched out to the skin's limit. The swelling went away during the day, but I'm still retaining a good bit of fluid.

Much thinking to do today about weight, regain, where I wish to go from here. You have all seen pics of me lately. Shirl has seen me IRL. I know I'm heavy (obese), but I certainly don't feel 100 pounds overweight. LOL! Interesting strain of body dysmorphia I have - never see myself as thin/fit enough and don't see myself as big as I am either.

Onward weight loss soldier, marching off to war....

I think you look great in your pictures. And being healthy is really what's important. Your fitness helps so much in that department.

I need to be packing and getting ready to leave and I'm watching DVR'd stuff instead since I have to return my box this week. Ah, priorities.

We are having Indian Summer here. It's just beautiful. And I leave on Saturday when it's the first chance for snow flakes here this fall. Good timing!

I finished painting my screen door and it's going to spend the winter in my spare room. Can't wait to see it hung next spring! Here's a picture I promised:

Anyway, not a lot else to report! Peps, here's an article on plane swelling.

I walk around with Bluetooth headphones on so I get to listen to the content and get a little done too. I like the red door against the white walls.

Thanks! The house is all white wood siding. Should look sharp!

Cecily, I love the door!

Devon, how wonderful are those doggies???

Ann, In France - Enjoy!!!

Shirl - Good luck catching up. Too bad that's the payback after a wonderful vacation.

Diane O - I hope your long car trip isn't too onerous

Diane S - I know what you mean about easy eating. I hate to cook so when I do it has to have few ingredients/steps.

Dave - I hope dear Adalyn is feeling better.

BB- You are already an amazing Mom and will be a fantastic SAHM.

DD- Congratulations to DS! Thankfully our children do usually find their way even if via a circuitous route and sometimes with an unexpected destination.

Miss 150 - If you keep walking Swann I bet those 2 pounds will evaporate.

I walked Justice on the beach this afternoon and I think he might have eaten something that didn't agree. He seems to be a bit out of sorts and was eating a lot of grass. I'm not planning to visit DH today. I feel guilty about that but I feel like I need a day off. There were a lot of good activities today and he was going to be assessed for his physical capabilities by a physical therapist so hopefully he won't notice. He doesn't understand time anymore or remember visits so he should be okay (but I still feel guilty...).

Eating has been somewhat better except for going out to eat with SIL and DS last night for SIL's Birthday. We went to a nice place due to BIL's cancellation. BIL told SIL he would come today instead to take her to lunch and to visit my DH. Guess what? He cancelled of course.

Have a good rest of the day!

It's easy for other people to say, but it's still true: you have no reason at all to feel guilty. You've done a careful, thoughtful, loving job of making this transition, and Paul is well cared for.

Adalyn is some better today. She went to a meeting with DD at school. She made people laugh but she was tired and cranky by the time she got home. She likes routine.

BIL is certainly a piece of work.

Your guilt is unjustified. You did nothing wrong. You have DH in a wonderful environment with enough staff to care for him.

Good Morning All

Plodding along with work - still much to do but refusing to stress. I have now cleared the 1000's of emails and have many flagged for action. Some of the clients have waited for me to come back so I have been busy with orders etc. Our second Engineer is on leave this week so its hectic but I feel rested enough to not feel stressed - which is a good thing.

Got my hair cut & coloured yesterday - goodbye grey! Took mum as well so she had a wash, cut and blowave as her colouring days are long gone. She has a beautiful shade of grey - its a silver grey and really suits her. I think when my time comes I will be the stark white but I can hope

Not a huge amount on for today. Work then I need to clean up all the gifts etc out of the spare room as our Nephew is arriving sometime late this evening. He is going 4 wheel driving for the weekend with my youngest son and his mates. Our guest room will be busy in the next week. Nephew tonight. Stepdaughter and her partner Sat night and BIL from Sunday till Wed (that one IM DREADING!) My son comes home tonight for the week so will be good to see him. I am making baked potatos with chorizo for dinner. Then may make a start on Thu dinner as we are going to see stepsons new house they have built and taking dinner. Enjoying cooking again

Peps - You know what I saw when I met you IRL......... the first thing was your genuine smile and shining eyes as you gave me a huge welcoming hug. You are a beautiful person both inside and out and that truely does shine through. I am thankful to have met you and look forward to the next time. You dont look 100 pounds overweight so dont punish yourself. You work so hard with your trainer and all the other activities - I know you put me to shame. You would literally run rings around me ! I think a bit of self love is sometimes the last thing we grant ourselves but you are deserving xxx

Cec - I LOVE the door. Red is my favourite colour and that will look so great hanging next Spring. Good luck with the packing. I always find it a chore but it means you are one step closer to your trip to NZ so thats a good thing

Liz - Dont feel guilty not visiting DH today doll. Im actually pleased you have taken a little time for yourself. Its well overdue. You need it to process and allow your body to step down a few cogs and start to uncoil. Be kind to yourself xx

Hello to all that follow - I will try and pop back later to see what everyone has been up too. Work is a calling uggggg

S

Champion canines, red doors, permission for some self care, checking off tasks, enjoying la belle vie.... we're doing it all.

Today I went too far. Too many favors granted to those who can never really pay me back. That's not why I help someone out anyway, BUT, if it's always outgoing from me, with no return, the tank starts to get real empty. Haven't had a chance to fill it up again with my own self care, so tomorrow I may need to make myself unavailable to , sorry to bother you but can you.... self care on the Horizon though, if I can just make it to Saturday. Tickets to see Chicago at a local theater that's getting rave reviews, and dinner with friends afterwards.

And I ate so.much.crap. Today. So much. Another tank drainer, certainly doesn't help me cope with anything. I had things like Greek yogurt and walnuts and cottage cheese and blueberries and even some better carbs like Triscuits and cheese slices, but did I eat those? No I noshed on free junk food the chamber of commerce brought us. And it was not even worthy of being eaten, prepackaged donuts, Edelmann coffee cakes... I violated my own rules: if I'm eating less nutritious food, it better be fabulous, like homemade or from a good bakery. And if I'm brutally honest, will tomorrow be better? Parents are supplying conference dinner. Usually a lot of homemade baked goods. Sigh. At least the food doesn't show up until the afternoon, so I can eat real fuel during the day.

Beautiful fall day here. One of those days when everything seems kissed by a golden light. I'm going to go sit on my porch, and see if a little of that golden light can soak into me.